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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want some help round the house?

35 replies

hardhatdonned · 20/02/2011 15:23

I work full time, I study in the evening, i also have fibromyalgia.

My other half doesn't live here but near as damnnit does, he's unemployed (due to redundancy) and during the day just loafs around 'job hunting' (although my PS3 games seem to be multiplying...) nothing gets done round the flat, I leave for the school run in the morning and then don't come home until after 6 and the flat is the same, if not worse, as when I left i am then expected to cook dinner etc.

AIBU to just want SOMETHING done around the house? even if it's just cooking dinner and running the broom and mop round the floors just to take the edge off what I have to do.

Would you expect someone who doesn't live with you but is round your house 90% of the time to contribute to the housework?

OP posts:

Original poster

hardhatdonned · 20/02/2011 16:20

He turns 30 in a few months. But i do think it's more like 13 at times!!

Beginning to think im just crap at picking men lol

OP posts:

Original poster

hardhatdonned · 20/02/2011 16:22

Been together just over a year and are at that point where we either go forwards as a couple, live together, make a future, or cut our losses and walk away.

If he carries on as he is i'd opt for the cut my losses route. If he is going to help in a more practical manner and put the relationship into a more 50:50 light then i 100% want to give it a go.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 20/02/2011 16:23

How long has he been out of work?

Original poster

hardhatdonned · 20/02/2011 16:26

five months or so

the job market here really is dire though and thats looking for 1hr + commutes each way and tbh it's the only reason i'm staying in my current job because there is no alternative. In that respect i'm sympathetic towards him as i hate not working and afford him the same work ethic. Perhaps thats where i'm going wrong.

OP posts:

Original poster

hardhatdonned · 20/02/2011 16:27

Thats why i've come up with the idea that if he does the SAHP thing the 'family' would work. As it is we are in a limbo.

OP posts:

moondog · 20/02/2011 16:29

Won't it just become even more annoying? You come home knackered and all he has done is loaf about? Are your kids at school? What will he be doing then? Won't he end up as yet another burden to yuo?

Original poster

hardhatdonned · 20/02/2011 16:33

If he carries on as he is, then i won't even entertain the idea of him moving in it's just not going to happen. If he moves in either as a SAHP and all that entails OR in full time employment and the relationship is more on a 50:50 footing then it will work.

Kids are school age and just home from the ex so i'm disappearing now.

Thanks again, it is all going in :)

OP posts:

TheCrackFox · 20/02/2011 16:34

I agree with Moondog. He is 30 but spends all day playing the PS3. He doesn't exactly sound like catch of the century.

squeakytoy · 20/02/2011 16:34

I think if he is prepared to help around the house while he looks for work, and pulls his weight, then moving in together is the next logical step.

It wouldnt be any more draining on your finances than it is already, in fact the money he pays for wherever he lives now, would help you out I assume, even if it is not much.

Is he happy to help out with childcare and other practicalities that are part and parcel of family life and living as a couple?

If so then it would be a shame to end the relationship.

ThreIsNoSpoon · 20/02/2011 16:39

Your post of 16.08 could be MN!!

I agree it sound s like you need a discussion.

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