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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am fucking raging

52 replies

miniwedge · 20/02/2011 13:33

I have an assignment for uni due. I am working towards a second degree which will get me a much higher paid job than my current role with a better life/work balance.

Our house is not big, its hard to get away from other noise iyswim.

Partner knows I needed peace today, we agreed (he offered) he would take dd and dsd out for the day to give me a few hours to type assigment up, tweak it etc.

He is still here and they are making a fucking racket. DSD doesn't want to go out so they have some fucking dance game on the kinect turned up LOUD and she is shrieking and racing around downstairs. She is 10, old eenough not to behave like that. DD has taken refuge in her room.

Partner said I'm being selfish because I asked him why he was encouraging this.
Apparently its their weekend as well and its not his problem if I want peace.

I think HE is being selfish, we had agreed a plan, he is now not sticking to that plan and I cannot concentrate at all because of the fucking noise.

Am so fucking angry. I support him when he wants to do something, i respect his right to have some peace if he wants/needs it.
Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
miniwedge · 20/02/2011 14:03

Thank you ladies, all input much appreciated.

I am going to go and see if we can sort this now, as much as I love mumsnet you lot can't do my assignment for me Grin

OP posts:
moondog · 20/02/2011 14:03

Why don't you just go to him and ssy' You agreed to take them out, so please will you go?'

thumbwitch · 20/02/2011 14:06

He is being a selfish arse - going back on his suggestion, despite knowing that you need peace and quiet.

Hope he agrees to drop you off somewhere quiet, or take off with the girls after all and leave you in peace without any BigBabySulking about it.

I know exactly what you mean too - it's impossible to really concentrate when there are sudden noises and racket going on!

Northernlurker · 20/02/2011 14:07

HAs he run out of money too do you think? Maybe that's the key of the problem?

HeathcliffMoorland · 20/02/2011 14:08

YANBU.

mumbar · 20/02/2011 14:08

We could try!! Quite a few of us here doing OU. Wonder if we could start an OU section somewhere. Grin

YANBU you know that, if he does it again, next time you get an assignment back tell him you failed, his fault, and now you need more alone time to resubmit it. Then spend the time having a bath, relaxing etc. Grin

electra · 20/02/2011 14:10

YANBU at all!

RevoltingPeasant · 20/02/2011 14:14

OP

Haven't read thread but can you take your laptop and go to a coffee shop? I find the ambient noise much less distracting than dance muzak.

Anyhow going to do my own work now - good luck :)

janiesmum · 20/02/2011 14:18

go to the uni library

simples

janiesmum · 20/02/2011 14:21

even if you are OU, you can still use the local uni library anyone can - you cant take books out but you can take your laptop

FreudianSlippery · 20/02/2011 14:44

He'd better give you a huge amount of money to spend at the library cafe. After all, the noise at home will have tired you out so you need endless supply of coffee and chocolate.

AllGoodNamesGone · 20/02/2011 14:51

He is BU as he said he would take them out so he should stick to it.

It's no fun attempting to keep children quiet so the other can work - my DH does a lot of work from home - been there done that!

But, it's not like it's every day and the girls are old enough to go for a nice pub lumch - not like you are asking him to stand around in a play barn with toddlers for hours on end.

I do think you should look at better solutions like those already suggested for your own sanity in the future. Take yourself off to the uni library and you can study as long as you need.

When I was studying DH would sometimes take them out for an hour or two (toddlers) but as soon as they got back I was on mummy duty again which could be really frustrating if I was really getting my teeth into something. This was a while ago and only had a desktop so no alternative but to try and work when they were asleep!

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 20/02/2011 15:06

YANBU He is being a selfish twat. It's one lousy fucking day you're asking for, not even a full day.

hissymissy · 20/02/2011 15:10

I feel for you! Another OU student here! Yay for the OU!

I rely on my dad and step mum to help me get through the work TBH. As a LP (DS has no contact with his DF) it can be frustrating trying to fit it all in with full time work etc... Yesterday am I had an online tutorial and DS started kicking off! It is Level 3 French and I couldn't follow what people were saying! Next time he is going to GPs!

I think it would be even more frustrating though if my partener were there, but he didn't support me by entertaining the kids. Nothing more irritating than you having stacks of work to do, kids running riot, and DP hiding away in another room relaxing!

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 20/02/2011 15:36

Have you explained to dsd why you need peace and quiet, miniwedge? At 10 years old she is surely old enough to understand this - and to understand that the whole family will benefit when you have your higher qualification. Tell her directly that you are happy for her and dd to play quietly, and you just expect a bit of consideration from the family whilst you do your homework.

grannyjudy · 20/02/2011 15:46

Perhaps you should abandon your project for now. You clearly can't concentrate. Your partner's behaviour is seeking your attention. As his daughter is with him for the weekend only she is entitled to his (and your) attention for some quality time, after all she doesn't have him to herself anymore.

Go downstairs and join in the dancing and singing, then make some tea and treats, settle the girls down with a suitable DVD or similar, kiss partner and say "wow that was fun, certainly needed that". Then go back upstairs and resume your work. In a little while come back down and check that everyone is ok and that they still have things to do. Kiss partner and children again and tell them you love them and thank them for being so good while you are working - oh and stop f...... swearing!!

catinthehat2 · 20/02/2011 15:53

"FINE! turn it off kids, no fun allowed today!"

wow.

no court in the world would sentence you after that little gem of shit.

hocuspontas · 20/02/2011 15:59

That would be fine granny if there was just three children in the house with no adult to look after them. Oh no, wait, that is the case. Hmm How can an adult be so childish?

Rant away OP. You have my complete sympathy. I would be seething at his selfishness and ineptitude.

FabbyChic · 20/02/2011 16:10

Do you have a laptop? If so go out and take it with you and work somewhere peacefully. You shouldn't have to no but it might be your only option.

If you have left it until the last minute and are on a deadline then sorry but that is your fault and no one elses.

catinthehat2 · 20/02/2011 16:12

"Go downstairs and join in the dancing and singing, then make some tea and treats, settle the girls down with a suitable DVD or similar, kiss partner and say "wow that was fun, certainly needed that". Then go back upstairs and resume your work. In a little while come back down and check that everyone is ok and that they still have things to do. Kiss partner and children again and tell them you love them and thank them for being so good while you are working - oh and stop f...... swearing!!"

yes I can see that would work

so MANY of us women these days are too STUPID to see the obvious!

thanks grannyjudy for saving us!

and anyone who thinks you are a complete fucking idiot is just.. well.. a naughty naughty girl

Geistesabwesenheit · 20/02/2011 16:20

Can you get out and work in the uni library? I've done this in the past, and it's made a huge difference to how much I got done.

Northernlurker · 20/02/2011 16:30

Grannyjudy - why is the op responsible for the happiness of everyone in the house and for her own work - oh and her own happiness of course? Seems jolly unfair to me as there is another co-parent in the house who is doing errrrrr very little!

catinthehat2 · 20/02/2011 16:34

Don't be silly NL.

Women should do HOME stuff, men should do IMPORTANT brainy studying stuff. It all goes wrong if they don't follow this divine plan.

Now go and make hubby some Tea & Treats! There's a good girl

Northernlurker · 20/02/2011 16:39

Oh ok then cat - will do. Dh is off to church tonight and the sermon is on 'wives submit to your husbands' so that'll give him some useful pointers too. Grin

(As if - already done the 49 point discussion that had him whimpering and nodding frantically)

unfitmother · 20/02/2011 16:43

YANBU.
I couldn't have got my OU degree without DH taking the kids out every other Sunday.