Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to expect my DH not to get shitfaced

13 replies

temporarystate · 20/02/2011 13:05

We have 2 DCs 2.11yr and 14m and they are both noisy rowdy boys. They are close together and a handful but wouldn't swap them Obv!

Jan 2011 is the first time since eldest was born that we have been getting consistent sleep full nights out of the pair of them - woohoo!

We don't go out often, once a month at the MOST, and if we do - either together or individually - DH just gets totally shitfaced to the point of not being able to get up in the morning, letalone do his 'bit' with the kids the next day meaning I have to carry the load. I am a SAHM so this is not fun on the one day we get to share it!!

AIBU to expect him to stop drinking so he can still get up in the morning (as I always do), and not go on to have pint 7,8,9,etc etc

Is that being a killjoy? Or just being fair?!
I'm not saying he can't do it for special occasions and if we have the help planned in the next day - just not EVERY time!!

OP posts:

KnittedBreast · 20/02/2011 13:10

is it not just the issue that you dont drink as much as him and so resent him enjoying himslef that bit more?

Original poster

temporarystate · 20/02/2011 13:17

no its that - without discussion - he abandons his responsibilities (having to look after the children the next day) and I have to pick up the pieces.

It generally means him snoring in bed most of the day or being grumpy and useless and us not getting to spend time as a family.

Like I say, if its a birthday, mates celebration etc etc I totally get it. But just not everytime.

its about being fair I think. I don't feel like I am missing out necessarily, I enjoy drinking in moderation and not feeling shite the next day for the majority of the time but equally will let go if i know the kids are sleeping at MILs

OP posts:

FrottageCod · 20/02/2011 13:47

I don't think you are bu at all. Even with no kids involved, having one half of the partnership getting arseholed and ruining the next day is not on. I have a similar issue with mine staying up late - I can't sleep when he is downstairs so it ruins my sleep pattern and any plans we may have for the next day. Oops hogging your thread, should really post one of my own.

redstripeyelephant · 20/02/2011 14:25

it depends how often it is, once a month wouldn't bother me that much tbh.

DH has done this a couple of times and I don't mind taking the kids out for the morning or even the whole day. But we usually agree that to make up for it he will give me some time off the next day, or the following weekend.

Next time discuss it the day before, for example, 'I don't mind you spending saturday in bed, but on sunday you can take them swimming while I have a lie-in'. It's all about give and take.

manicbmc · 20/02/2011 14:37

I think it's bloody irresponsible. So you go out, have a few drinks but one partner gets hammered - what happens if kids get ill in the night? Or if the parent who isn't hammered gets ill?

With parenting comes responsibilities and restrictions. By all means have a good drink when kids are staying with relatives and you can let your hair down a bit.

Undertone · 20/02/2011 14:40

It's quite worrying that he seems unable to stop drinking once he has started. Not all alcoholics get battered all day every day.

Bunbaker · 20/02/2011 14:43

I'm with manic on this. Once you are a parent you have to face up to your responsibilities and it is inappropriate, selfish and childish to behave like this. OH and I both like a glass or two of wine, but there is no way we would ever get hammered with DD in the house.

In any case neither of us wants to get hammered anyway because we can't handle the after effects. We are older parents and got this getting hammered on a Saturday night out of our systems years ago.

redstripeyelephant · 20/02/2011 14:54

I think if both parents are hammered of course it is irresponsible, but as long as one parent is sober and responsible and at home taking care of the kids then I don't see the harm with the other one going out now and then. Though I am talking about getting happily drunk, not on-the-floor-in-a-pool-of-own-vomit drunk, obviously!

manicbmc · 20/02/2011 15:02

Yes, but it seems it's always the same parent. Plus I reckon sometimes people need to grow up once they have kids.

Original poster

temporarystate · 20/02/2011 15:17

manic this is my issue - its like he has no concept of his responsibilities and just assumes I will be the one to pick up the pieces in the morning - its not done maliciously, it just doesn't even cross his mind.

I feel like a real nag and now its put a bit of a taint in the air every time his mates ask him out and I feel like the nagging wife, but I seriously just wish he would grow up!

We only get a one day weekend because he works all day Saturday which makes the situation more pressured, and the 'weekend is ruined' by one night. And equally annoying is he will drag himself into work if it happens on a Friday night, but not out of bed for the kids in the morning on a Sunday

Anyway, I have made my point to him and feel less guilty now i have some voices of support on this one

He is in a mood with me

OP posts:

brandnewme · 20/02/2011 15:21

my dh is the same....sounds like me writing your post....it's the only thing we argue about

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 20/02/2011 15:25

YANBU He needs to grow up.

Arion · 20/02/2011 20:11

Send the eldest in on a Sunday to get him up if he's been out. Nothing quite as persistent as a toddler wanting to play with Daddy. My DD 3.4 opens the curtains, pulls back the duvet and then if he's not quick enough jumps up and down on him (horsey ride) or walks up his back!! It usually gets him moving!

Flip