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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to really want a baby....

25 replies

Liby · 20/02/2011 11:53

I am new here and I have no children. I have felt ready to have babies for the last few years, have lovely partner and have bought a house ready...but circumstances that happened just after we bought our house and started to organise a wedding means that we don't have enough money to start a family...all my salary goes on the morgage.

My head is telling me no way - not for a good few years...but all around me are people in poorer circumstances having baby after baby....

Why can't I have one??? WHY!!!Envy

yes I am jealous....

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 20/02/2011 12:00

How old are you?

Dont waste too many years putting it off.. there are always ways around affording a child.

darleneconnor · 20/02/2011 12:02

Need more info.

Getting married costs £300. Save on the 'bog do' and have a baby.

BTW I'm not going to forgive your "but all around me are people in poorer circumstances having baby after baby...." comment. We dont like DM readers on here.

darleneconnor · 20/02/2011 12:03

big do

foreverondiet · 20/02/2011 12:03

How old are you? Can you have a cheaper wedding?

Original poster
Liby · 20/02/2011 12:03

I'm 26...i know i'm fairly young...but i feel like the clock is ticking!!!

Just feel so sad that my plans were mucked up, but life doesn't always go to plan does it...

OP posts:
anonacfr · 20/02/2011 12:04

What about your partner's salary?
How about cutting down on wedding expense and saving up for baby instead?

If you really want a baby are you sure there is no way you could take another look at your finances and find a way? What does your partner think- surely should be his decision too.

Original poster
Liby · 20/02/2011 12:04

I don't read the Daily mail by the way and i'm just being truthful.

OP posts:
KnittedBreast · 20/02/2011 12:05

you can afford to have a child. there are always reasons not too do it but few people regret having their children no matter how tough things get financially. personally i have never understood why people wait til they are at the top of their career before they have kids and give up their job/drop salery can no longer afford to pay thier mortgage. much better to have your children before you get to that point.

just go for it,

Scrumpet · 20/02/2011 12:06

There's never going to be a perfect time to have a baby, and babies themselves don't cost a huge amount (don't have to, anyway) - it's as they get older and more demanding that you have to start digging really deeply into those pockets.

When I first became pregnant I was the same age as you, and both dh and I were working. By the time the baby was born he had been made redundant and we were facing losing our rented flat, but we came through it ok and managed.

Original poster
Liby · 20/02/2011 12:07

He is jobless at the moment anonacfr and finding getting back into work difficult. I do get quite a good salary, but my head tells me that until he is back in work, its not the right time.

I guess i'm feeling sorry for myself!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 20/02/2011 12:07

26 is still young.. plenty of time yet to get your finances sorted.

My stepdaughter is 27, got married last year, and is thinking now of starting her family.

squeakytoy · 20/02/2011 12:08

Sorry x posted there.

If your partner is not working, then no, it probably isnt a good time to get pregnant now, and sensible too to wait till he is working again.

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 20/02/2011 12:09

The OP could simply mean that people who earn less than she does have babies.

OP what does getting married mean to you? Is it the vows you make with your partner or do you envision a big white wedding with all the frills. As has been said it doesn't have to cost thousands to get married.

I think you and your partner need to sit down and look at your finances and see if you can cut back on things that would enable you to have a baby sooner if you are in agreement.

Original poster
Liby · 20/02/2011 12:09

Thanks squeaky toy - i know i'm being sensible too wait! I its just not what I planned when I was 18 and planning my future! Thankyou for the listening ear!

OP posts:
VerylazyBecsy · 20/02/2011 12:15

i know how you feel, im in a similar situation, a little bit older that you etc but have never had a proper job. Im waiting until i get a proper job and a couple of years settled in before i have a baby- it's annoying and im well jealous. Im thinking about this time as being just for me and my partner- when you have a baby you wont have the same time for each other.

Original poster
Liby · 20/02/2011 12:22

Life sucks!!!!

OP posts:
mamadiva · 20/02/2011 12:26

We had our son when I was 19 and DP was 20 and we both decided that where we lived was not right for us so we both gave up work and moved 250 miles away to a nicer place.

It is hard work and yes we were and are skint TBH but now almost 5 years on DP is back in work and DS starts school in August so I will be able to go back to college to re-train for 2 years then hopefully get into a decent job again.

I am only 24 now so in a way I am actually happy that we had DS when we did as now I have had my time out with DS and can get back to myself again!

It is good to have money but babies don't have to cost as much as you think and there will always be help available for you if you need it.

I think it sounds like getting married is less important to you, could you have a budget wedding and put some away for a baby?

squeakytoy · 20/02/2011 12:29

We had our son when I was 19 and DP was 20 and we both decided that where we lived was not right for us so we both gave up work

It is good to have money but babies don't have to cost as much as you think and there will always be help available for you if you need it

where exactly did that "help" come from? because if you gave up your jobs, and relied on the state to support you, then that is a bit of a pisstake to be quite frank.

mamadiva · 20/02/2011 12:47

We had help from various places I recieved maternity allowance (which I would have been entitled to anyway) and DP signed on for 3 weeks until he got a job (crappy job but money none the less) and we moved in with my mum until we got a house.

If you think it is a pisstake then fair enough but it was either that or bring DS up in a shit hole flat with junkies surrounding us.

We moved 250 miles away so should we have commuted everyday? Hmm

Like I say we have relied on the state for a grand total of 6 months in our lives so personally I don't see the issue. It has been abused by far worse than us!

And anyway what eexactly does this have to you? I did'nt say get on the dole and milk it, I said that if you need help it is available!

StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 20/02/2011 12:51

squeaky it is almost impossible for the majority of the population to raise a family without state support.

hairylights · 20/02/2011 12:53

"where exactly did that "help" come from? because if you gave up your jobs, and relied on the state to support you, then that is a bit of a pisstake to be quite frank."

They paid in to the system, they took out when they needed to, but for no longer.

Firawla · 20/02/2011 12:57

I would have a cheaper wedding and then have a baby

hairylights · 20/02/2011 13:03

A wedding only actually has to cost you about £100.

grovel · 20/02/2011 13:09

Babies are relatively cheap and if your DP is still not working he'll be blessed by having serious time with you and the baby.

Galdem · 20/02/2011 13:12

Cheap wedding. It is preposterous to spend thousands on a wedding if you don't actually have thousands.

Then concetrate on getting your DH back into work.

Then go for it.

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