to think dh is a bully

[jinglebelly]

DD asked for a biscuit, I gave her one, she asked for another so I said fine, it is 2 hoursa until dinner and she ate all her lunch. Dh comes along and takes the last half of the biscuit from her saying she cant have it. I told him not to contadict me in front of her as i said she could have it, he then says it is ridiculous me giving her 2 biscuits i should have made her something proper to eat, he said shed been naughty and didnt deserve 2 anyway. I told him to stop arguing in front of the kids and he told me to shut up. I said he was a control freak for taking away dd's half biscuit and he said i don't know whats going on 9 times out of ten, that i'm always on the computer and have no control over the children (dd 5, ds 2 and ds 6 months) the whole time he was kind of laughing at me. It's true dd is better behaved around him but it is because he is very strict. I am fuming!!!

Can I just add they dont eat junk and run rings around me, i do have pretty good control over them but when i'm on my own with two over exited young children and a breasfeeding baby it can be hard!

HAD she been naughty?

and he didn't make her something "proper to eat" WHY?!

Is she upset? Maybe go and apologise for the misunderstanding and suggest you both make a nice snack you can eat together at the table. Maybe a slice of toast with jam and a hot chocolate. It isn't far if she has come out of this feeling like she has done something wrong, when really its your arsehole of a husband who has.

Difficult to say whether he's a bully on the basis of one incident - though taking the biscuit off her was unpleasant and undermining of your decision.

What's the back story though? Sounds like you aren't working together as a couple at all. He thinks you're not paying enough attention to the children. You think he's over -controlling. Why is your dd better behaved around him? Is he being overly strict? Or simply having clearer boundaries? Maybe he feels you let the kids get away with too much. Most kids generally want to behave nicely, so if you find she's consistently behaving differently with the two of you, its worth examining why.

Not naughty but had been in high spirits running around with her brother as stuck in house all day due to dance class being cancelled

Sorry, x posts there jinglebelly

If you genuinely are paying the children enough attention, and setting clear boundaries, then he's wrong to undermine you like that

he's just more controlling than me. I'm really angry he hasn't thought it important to bring up the things he threw at me during the row before now, it makes me thin khe was just saying them to upset me

why stuck in the house all day? two parents there.. why not one of them take the kids out for fresh air and exercise..

I took Ds out but DD didn't want to come, dh been putting up shelves all day. They've been running round in the garden.

so what has she done then that he considers specifically naughty?

snatching food back off a child is wrong and undermiming you in that way is wrong also..

Answering him back, not doing what she is told first time & being bossy to her younger brother

He should not have taken biscuit from her-very mean.

I think you both need to sit down and talk about what has happened today.

well being bossy to a younger sibling is perfectly normal behaviour.. so long as she isnt bullying him, then it isnt necessarily naughty, just natural...

five year olds do answer back, and they dont always do what they are told the first time.. its naughty, but its not the worst behaviour in the world...

sounds like your husband hasnt got a lot of patience with them today.. and if he is trying to do DIY its understandable he is getting grumpy if it is distracting him and you are on the pc when he is trying to do something

(just playing devils advocate... and seeing it from both sides)

but, taking the biscuit, then having a go at you IN FRONT of the kids is out of order..

but...... if she had asked him for a biscuit, and he had said no, so she comes to you and gets her own way, then I can see where it going to cause arguments, so its a tricky one.. and before it develops into a full scale barney between the two of you, you need to talk calmly away from the kids and establish ground rules and work together when the kids are naughty even if one of you would possibly not have made the same decision.. whichever parents makes the rule first should be supported, providing the rule isnt ridiculously unfair.

sorry, he sounds like a right pain in the arse! fancy saying all that over a bloody half-biscuit! i'd be annoyed too OP! especially having said it all in front of your DD. you need to have a word out of eatshot of the DCs. even if he did say it just to upset you, that's no better than him having thought it but never mentioning it.

can't believe he said that over a friggin' biscuit. DP would be for the high-jump if he came that with me!

yes, was going to say that too, sounds like a perfectly normal 5yo, especially one that's been indoors all day! what's he going to be like when you have a 2, 4 and 7yo running around?!