I've upset my Mum

[SecretSlattern]

My mum had a heart attack in September at the age of 50 and after a stay in hospital and a couple of operations, she was allowed home. She knew she would have to go back into hospital to have another minor operation.

The appointment came through for the beginning of Feb. In the meantime, we discussed both of us losing some weight. We joined Slimming World and so far, I have lost over a stone in 4 weeks. Mum however hasn't lost anything, but is convinced she is following the plan properly.

She has now said that if she hasn't lost any weight this week, she will stop going. Fair enough but then she tells me she is having fish and chips for dinner. I get all at her, she gets all defensive, I suggest she makes SW alternative, she gets the hump because that involves cooking.

I then think maybe I was a bit hard pulling her up on the chips thing, but then my brother tells me on the quiet that this is not the first takeaway this week.

Now Mum is all pissed off at me and as I was leaving her house last night, snapped "Now I've got to cook. Thanks" and looked all arsey.

I'm only thinking of her and her heart. Was IBU to say anything or should I have kept my big gob shut?

YANBU... but if she doesnt value her health enough to try and help herself, then there is not a lot you can do.

YANBU - I think she's probably annoyed with herself, rather than you, as if her weight is affecting her health then she must know you're right.

Well done on your weightloss

tough one

i may be heartless but she is a growm woman and should know how to feed herself in an appropriate way, may be gentle approach would have worked better
e.g 'ooh a minute on the lips..

sorta thing

You were not being unreasonable, you were doing it out of love for your mother. You probably have hit a nerve with her though, and that is why she had the hump with you. Hope her op goes well

you said something because you care. so yanbu!

What a difficult situation and well done you for losing a stone in 4 weeks, that is excellent.

It is quite easy to be evangelical when following a diet successfully and you may be coming acorss a bit smug with your mum even though you don't mean to.

Have another conversation with her, but not at mealtime . Tell her you are worried about her and what would she feel would be the best way for you to support her, see what she says. Unfortunately people can only lose weight if they want to.

YANBU - definitely not - you are justifiably worried about her

Do you both have freezers?

May be you could suggest a time when you could cook low fat meals together from scratch (Sat pm maybe) for week ahead and bag them up in individual calorie counted portions, so your mum would have them for the week ahead.

It is harder to lose weight post-menopause but the "thanks, now I've got to cook" comment does sound as though she is not shouldering the responsibility for losing weight herself.

Presumably she does know all the stuff about losing weight making the operation less risky in terms of anaesthetic/and easier in terms of practical "manoeuvring" for surgeon??

Well done on your weight loss and hope your mum's op goes well ...

Stillchuckingit... I was just about to suggest what you did, it's a very good idea.

SecretSlattern... Do you think your Mum feels pushed into dieting because of her heart? It may be that she wasn't ready to 'buy into' the dieting and she feels a bit resentful.

... also for some, competition isn't helpful and if your Mum feels a bit needled, your great weight loss probably rubs a bit of salt into her wounds.