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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder what makes a good Mum?

17 replies

Boys2mam · 18/02/2011 22:47

DS1 (age 6) is off to visit his Dad, who due to circumstance, he sees 4 times per year.

Whenever DS goes it makes me flounder a bit; does ex-h think DS is well-behaved? A product of (my) good upbringing or an ill mannered brat typical 6 yr old.

I'm seriously questioning what makes me a good Mam? Ex-h can have all the fun time he can engineer but I have the "Get your bloody uniform on"

So....tell me, what makes a good parent?

OP posts:

PigValentine · 18/02/2011 23:00

Probably the sign of being a good parent is worrying about if you are or not.

Good in the sense of good intentions, not in actual delivery of said parenting...

browneyesblue · 18/02/2011 23:02

Caring, I think. Making sure you child feels loved, and enjoys their life, but also caring enough to make sure they're properly dressed for school

AgentZigzag · 18/02/2011 23:23

As well a/a, for your DC to feel they're able to talk about anything to you, without them thinking you'll be

Original poster

Boys2mam · 18/02/2011 23:23

Being a good parent 101;

Worrying; check

Caring; check

:) Gotta be more to it? :)

OP posts:

DaphneHeartsFred · 18/02/2011 23:27

It's whatever I'm doing.

DS has announced that I am the best mum in the whole world, and space as well (so ner to you aliens too).

I think that's the key. As long as your DC(s) think your the best, then you are probably doing something right.

(TBH I'm too shouty to really be the best, but don't tell DS)

AgentZigzag · 18/02/2011 23:43

My mum was always saying she thought she was too shouty and always seemed to be telling us off, but that's not the things I remember.

I think if you balance any negativity with telling them they're the best thing since sliced bread, they wont remember the shit you give them.

FabbyChic · 19/02/2011 00:24

My childrens father and I split up 15 years ago, it was abusive and violent.

He constantly tells me that I have done a fantastic job of raising his sons.

Whilst I don't think that myself, sometimes when I look at them and see what they are achieving, how polite, well mannered and gracious they are I realise he is right.

I treated my children like friends, and am always of the opinion that you cannot expect respect from your children unless you give it to them yourself.

When I ask them to do things I always said please and thank you.

They are now 23 and 17.

I am sure you are doing a great job and if you wasn't he would soon tell you about it.

AgentZigzag · 19/02/2011 01:22

So IYO fabby, is the guffins about being a parent and not a friend to your DC a load of old tosh?

I am a friend to DD1, but one that can tell the uncomfortable truth when it's needed.

How did you handle having to tell them stuff they perhaps didn't want to hear?

princessparty · 19/02/2011 17:44

I have a theory that anyone who thinks they are a good parent , isn't.

Nancy66 · 19/02/2011 17:52

shit theory

spanky2 · 19/02/2011 18:07

I have just asked my ds1 (aged 6.) A good Mum gives cuddles, be very nice, spends time with them, going out anywhere with them and cooks nice dinners. A good Daddy takes them to football.
My ds2 (aged 3) says a good Mum cooks lovely things.

They've just had tea can you tell. I couldn't say what being a good parent is, but I do try to make time for my children and cook nice teas.

Sassybeast · 19/02/2011 18:10

DDs response - 'You are a good mummy because you have nice clothes and you make fish fingers for tea and I love you to the moon and back'

youngjoly · 19/02/2011 19:08

I'd say a good mum is one who puts their children's needs (not necessarily wants) first and always tries to be there for their children.

My eldest daughter (7) says a good mum is "someone who takes you out lots of places does things with you and is fun"

My youngest daughter says a good mum is me [smug]

princessparty · 19/02/2011 22:31

Would you like to elaborate, Nancy, on your so-eloquent post??

The point is that you can never KNOW whether you are doing the right thing by your kids at the time only in retrospect (and even that is arguable).So to say you ARE a good parent smacks of being too thick, or dogmatic to consider that there do exist other choices beyond the ones you have made.

youngjoly · 19/02/2011 23:01

Sorry, Princess Party but why do you assume being a good parent is synonymous with a dichotomy of choices?

I think actually, I am a reasonable parent - but this is not to assume that my choices are the only correct ones. I may also make the complete opposite choice, and that may also be a very good choice too.

I know that when parenting my children, I know that sometimes I might say A, sometimes B, sometimes even C. Sometimes I might say A and my DD will think I'm unfair. I will listen to her point of view and may even reconsider. I have done this in the past. This does not make me dogmatic or thick.

But despite that, I do know that my daughters are happy, healthy, popular, clever, confident little girls. So at the moment, I know I am doing something right. She is thriving and loving life. That is down to me and her father. Of course, that may well change - and I may well change my answer, but at this present moment in time... I know I'm doing at least a good enough job!

princessparty · 20/02/2011 12:04

How old are your children? I am guessing they are still at the young,eager to please stage, where you are pretty much in controlof every aspect of their lives.

twopeople · 20/02/2011 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

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