to not want to go out with my best friend's widower and his new partner?

[deaconblue]

My best friend died of cancer 9 months ago, she was only 39. Her husband has met a new partner and seems very happy. He and I are good friends and I feel I should invite them for dinner or to go out. I am genuinely happy that he is finding happiness again. But it just feels too soon for me to see him with someone else. I miss her so much I just can't bring myself to meet his new partner yet. Am I being unreasonable, I feel like a horrible person?

I don't think reasonable and unreasonable comes into it. No-one can tell you how to feel.

So sorry about your friend.

No one is asking you to go for dinner with them so I'm not sure what is making you feel horrible. Does he expect you to meet with her? If he asked you to go for dinner with his new partner, would you refuse? I think that's what you need to mull over.

Clearly haven't read the whole thread, which is something that usually irritates me in other posters, so I will withdraw.

I didn't say at any point that I think he has met someone else too soon. I think it's his business not mine to decide when HE is ready. And as I said I am genuinely happy that he is in less pain than he was 6 months ago. I just said that I didn't feel ready to meet someone new. To be honest he hasn't suggested a date yet anyway so I'm sure he's planning to take things slowly. I just was feeling bad for not wanting to meet a perfectly nice woman.

So sorry about your friend.

If you're not comfortable with a dinner then how about just having them round for a coffee for an hour or so? It will be hard but then you have done it, IYKWIM?

I have a thought on people meeting new partners quite soon after the death of their previous partner which, whilst it might not help you, might give you another perspective?

After a death friends and family all rally round, invite you out, arrange informal dinner parties, try and get you involved in things.

In doing this, you get introduced to lots of new people, your not looking to meet someone new, but you end up meeting lots of new people, probably more than you've met in ages, because your previous social life was more "set". And sometimes, you click with one of these people. You don't mean to, your not looking for it, it just happens.

I agree Seabright and I'm certain my friend would be so relieved that he isn't alone. Also they kept quiet about just how ill she was so he has had much more time to prepare for her death than her friends had iyswim. I think the idea of a coffee is a great one,thanks, it's the thought of a meal, so sort of formal, that feels difficult I think

i agree there is no compulsion to get involved in their life together.