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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want my baby to look at me?

25 replies

ZainesMum · 18/02/2011 15:28

hi
my son is nearly 4 months old and i just cant get my head round why he doesnt seem interested in faces, even my health visitor said it was weird :(. He hardly ever looks at me and it just makes me want to burst out crying.
I mentioned it to the doctor and they said it was to do with his heart defect but then when i said the same to the pediatrician, he said it wasnt.
Should i go back to the doctor or will he just grow out of it?

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 18/02/2011 15:32

I have no knowledge in this area, but didn't want to post and run.

You're certainly not being unreasonable at all to want your baby to look at you.

Perhaps post on Behaviour/Development or Children's Health for more practical support?

All the best.

Original poster
ZainesMum · 18/02/2011 15:34

thanks (new to this lol)

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 18/02/2011 15:36

Does your baby respond to sounds? When you look at him make a sound?

wahwahwah · 18/02/2011 15:36

What does he like to look at? Does anything in particular draw his interest?

Original poster
ZainesMum · 18/02/2011 15:42

its almost like he is doing it on purpose because he can hear, he turns his head and looks at people when they talk etc but as soon as you look at him he looks away. He ust seems to stare into space alot. Also, when i clap right by his ear he doesnt get startled

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 18/02/2011 15:44

Could there be a problem with his hearing? Have you spoken to a health visitor? Albeit I really don't like them. I would go back to the doctor if you are worried.

Honeybee79 · 18/02/2011 15:46

Sorry, I don't know anything about this area but wanted to respond.

My DS is 4 months and while he does look at faces he's much more interested in lights and windows or just random objects. Plus he frequently ignores my voice when I call to him because he's too busy gazing at a window etc.

I would play it by ear at this stage. See what happens over the next month or so and if you're still concerned then ask your GP for a referral to a specialist.

Original poster
ZainesMum · 18/02/2011 15:47

The health visitor said she has never seen a baby like it, she has also never seen a baby with a heart defect, so thought they were related. Yeah i think i will go back to the doctor, thank you

OP posts:
CleverClod · 18/02/2011 16:12

Gosh, your baby's so new he's hardly had time to think, let alone hold deep and meaningful stares with you.

He couldn't see properly for the first 6 weeks and, since that time, his sight has been growing stronger.

I feel his 'lack of interest' in you may be because he's got far more interesting things to look at rather than someone who has their face in his most of the time (from changing/feeding etc :)

There's a whole world out there he hasn't seen and it must be far more interesting than looking at you (sorry!).

He will, in time, be more interested in you. Indeed he will display excitement and happiness when he sees you, but for now he's probably just exploring.

Health Visitors, especially inexperienced ones (and most of them have never had a baby so hardly know one end from the other :o) can sometimes have very little tact when they open their mouths before they think. As if she should have said that!! It's something for a doctor to diagnose, not a fishwife! (or a HV!!).

Go back to the dr, if he doesn't have a definitive answer for you, then ask for a second opinion.

And try not to worry :)

CinnabarRed · 18/02/2011 16:19

My brother needed to wear glasses from when he was 6 months old - Mum says he was a transformed baby afterwards, outgoing and vocal instead of introverted - might be worth getting your LO's sight tested too.

Original poster
ZainesMum · 18/02/2011 20:11

I wasnt worried untill the HV said that so thank you all for putting my mind at ease :)

OP posts:
lospolloshermanos · 18/02/2011 20:12

I don't really have any advice, big hugs

I'd keep to medical route

chillichill · 18/02/2011 20:18

have you tried him with black and white books? pictures? yey getting him interested in looking at pictures of faces. agree with others, defo get his sight and hearing checked. don't let them fob you off. good luck. x

redpanda13 · 18/02/2011 20:22

I would ask your doctor for advice.

My dsil was very worried about dn. At around 4 months she was convinced he was blind or very short sighted.He did not follow your fingers if you moved them in front of his eyes or turn his head to sound. Seeing him alongside my DD who is exactly the same age was the prompt she needed to go and get help. He had some sort of delay on that development. Sorry to be so vague they live abroad. It was to do with his serious kidney condition and all the treatment and medication he had got for that. It was not a permanent delay and he can see perfectly well now.

FoxyRevenger · 18/02/2011 20:24

Someone else, I think in Parenting, asked this a few months back, and an answer she got was that your son is too little just now to realise that you and he are separate people, so he just sees you as an extension of him, IYSWIM?

On the other hand, I think mums are just wallpaper to babies a lot of the time because we are ubiquitous to them!

working9while5 · 18/02/2011 21:48

I would seek a referral to a Paediatrician from your GP.

Does he smile?

griphook · 18/02/2011 21:53

it is properly best to go back to the gp for a check but HV imho are not always that knowledgable about any thing that isn't to do with weight gain. They are only interested in weighing babies and aren't great at offering advice about other things

HecateQueenOfWitches · 18/02/2011 22:13

Hi.

When you say that he doesn't look at you - does he look at other things? If you wave something, will he look at it even if he looks away afterwards?

Does he look at you while you are feeding him or changing him?

does he respond with a smile if you make funny noises or faces?

Does he stiffen when you hug or hold him?

Does he look at things like shapes or lights on the wall or objects and it's just faces he doesn't seem interested in?

If you try to get close and look into his eyes, what does he do?

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 18/02/2011 22:21

My son was as you describe.. he didn't seek faces (or smile) only stared into space or at bright shiny lights.

It turned out he had a visual maturational delay.. his eyes could see (tho badly..got specs at 6 months of age!) but his brain wasn't processing the info.

I was distraught about it to be frank,it felt like he was avoiding me! BUT in the end he got there. It turned out he did have some other delays but he eventually became a delightfully smiley affectionate little boy (and still is:))

I would trust your gut instinct and ask for him to be referred to a paediatrician so his development can be monitored (and stuff like eyesight checked out a bit more) but try not to panic... he will get there..:)

Original poster
ZainesMum · 20/02/2011 16:53

thank you all, yes he smiles and looks at objects and lights etc so i asumed it wasnt to do with eyesight, its just when i go to give him eye contact he shys away. maybe he is far to interested in other things because he doesnt look at me when im feeding him either. its just really depressing because other babies love to look at their parents, i think i will get his sight checked just to be on the safe side :)

OP posts:
IndigoBell · 20/02/2011 18:18

Similar to Medusa. My son had vision problems, and part of the way they could dx it was that he didn't look at faces - because babies are programmed to stare at faces.

So unfortunately I think you should get him seen by a paed and an opthomolagist....

(My DSs eyesight resolved itself by the time he was 1)

Rosedee · 20/02/2011 18:38

My ds was the same and my hv implied we weren't bonding! Obviously I can't comment from a health perspective so you can always get him checked out but I felt very ignored by ds but now he looks at me no prob. I think he just for caught up looking at other things, lights, reflections etc and mummy was boring. Don't worry too much eh?

Original poster
ZainesMum · 20/02/2011 20:05

Shock what a nice HV!...not. From what everyone has been saying im quite confident that its just a case of my face being boring for him :)

OP posts:
working9while5 · 20/02/2011 20:54

I think it's great that you have heard positive stories here that have reassured you but I would still seek a referral to a Paediatrician.

It might be nothing, but it might be something.. much like other things that need to be checked out, like dodgy smear results or lumps and bumps. Most of the time they're not anything to be concerned about but if you don't get it checked out and later find out it was something concerning, you may regret not following your instincts.

As Indigobell said above, human babies are programmed to look at faces and if they aren't doing so it needs to be checked out. It might be, as in Rosedee's case it's something and nothing.. but it might be something he needs help with, so don't ignore it.

Original poster
ZainesMum · 20/02/2011 21:02

thank you, im still gonna make a docs app in the morning, i know all to well about that as DS heart murmur turned out to be much worse, im not taking any chances :)

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