To ask my step children to do chores?

[MinuteLaidMemoo]

I have 3 children and 2 dsd's age 7 and 8.

We share custody with their mum. I love my dsd's as if they were my own and so that is how I treat them. Apart from the baby ( obviously) all of the children are expected to do the following,

Makes their beds and tidy rooms
Put dirty clothes in wash
Put shoes and coats in relevant place
Tidy up things they have been playing with
Take their own cups, plates etc into kitchen

I think this more than fair but dsd's mum is complaining that we are asking them to do too much. Apparently the girls have complained about having to tidy up after themselves. Their mum says that she thinks we are asking them to do too much and that " she believes in letting children be children".

It has now got to the point where their mum is basically insisting that we don't make them do these jobs or she will not let them come to ours.

What do we do? She is their mum and we want to respect her wishes but if we do it will end up with dsd's sat there while the others run round tidying up.

I don't think you are asking them to do chores - I think you are asking to pick up after themselves, which is really quite different.

You are absolutely right to expect this of your DSDs.

YADNBU-

I've been in mediation with DH and his Ex and it was there in the Parenting plan at the end; each couple will respect the other couple's Household and way of doing things.

Just say : I'm sorry we don't agree on this subject, but this is our house and our way of doing things.

She has no right to dictate how you run your house.

yabu don't ask them. Tell them

YANBU - my DD's aged 11 and 3 would do this (the 3 yr old obviously needs it doing again after most of the time but she tries!), they understand I am not their maid! DD1 goes to her father every other weekend and if I found out she wasn't doing the list you have as a bare minimum I would go nuts at her, they are not even chores, they're taking responsibility for their own stuff.

The mum has no right to dictate how the children are parented when they are with their father. There are things my ex does/doesn't make DD1 do but nothing I can do about it, we just parent differently.

Why on earth should a 7 & 8 year old not make their own bed? My 4 year old does hers, I'm not an unpaid servant.

Love mayorquimby's response!

What mayorquimby said.

And ignore their mother - if she thinks that those things are chores then I'd hate to see the state of her house...

Yes, what Mquimby said.

And tell the mother that it is out of the question that the girls will be allowed to NOT pick up after themselves. These are good house-rules, and not chores.
If she feels so strongly about it, she is welcome to contest the living arrangements in court.

I read that list and also thought there are no chores on it. Those are things the children should be doing anyway.

If their Mum wants to be a slave for her children that's up to her but you have to have your own rules in your house.