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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want some background tv on for about half the day?

40 replies

Samraves · 18/02/2011 05:34

I have a 3month dd, and I find myself suffering a bit from cabin fever being at home with her all day. I try to get out for a few hours, especially on a nice day to the shops or for a walk, but some days when it is pouring with rain or I am knackered I just want to crash...

I hate no sound as it feels like the walls are closing in so I have been putting on Chill FM constantly apart from when I have been watch tv- prob an hour or so in the morning and a couple of hours in the afternoon. She has suddenly started taking an interest in the tv, so I have been on the internet about it, and now am worried that by having on background tv, it could mean my dd may suffer. And even more of a nightmare, radio isn't much better with regards to overloading their delicate senses!

I can live with turning off the tv, but will be tough... But not sure about the radio. Aibu to risk my dd's development for my sanity??

OP posts:
SilveryMoon · 18/02/2011 05:39

What? How will having the radio on damage her delicate senses? Hmm Confused

She is showing an interest in the tv for the bright lights and moving images.

I have 2 ds's and if we are at home, the tv is on. We don't all sit down glued to the screen, but it is on and they divert their attention to and from it.

When I was a child, I watched an awful lot of tv and am now a very confident and outgoing adult, so didn't seem to have any negative effect on my social skills if that's what your worried about..........

Tbh, I'd do whatever it is that keeps you sane whilst your at home with small children. It gets really hard

lesley33 · 18/02/2011 07:49

I do think this isn't a good idea if you have young children. Its not about whether tv is good or bad for your children - tbh unless they are neglected I don't think this is really an issue.

The real problem is that babies learn to talk from hearing and watching their parents/main adults in their lives, talking. If a tv or radio is on a lot of the time, it is very difficult for babies to separate the background noise from the sound of their parents voices. They will learn to talk, but are at higher risk of delayed speech.

So sorry, but I do think you should restrict background noise.

lesley33 · 18/02/2011 07:50

BTW i don't think watching tv for a few hours is a problem. I think the radio being on all the time is more of an issue.

FreudianSlippery · 18/02/2011 07:53

What about getting some baby music CDs? You can get classical or nursery rhymes.

trixie123 · 18/02/2011 07:54

there is a conversation about this in chat at the moment but I'm with you OP. TV is on a lot when I am at home alone with DS. He loves weather reports but otherwise mostly ignores it. He doesn't miss out on conversation because there is no-one else there for me to converse with. I do not really watch it just have it on to dispell the silence and break up the endless noise of his books and toys! We go out lots and do lots of activities.

apples82 · 18/02/2011 08:24

trixie123 where is the top in Chat?

This is an interesting topic that i've never thought about!

lesley33 · 18/02/2011 08:25

I know that constant tv, radio, nursery rhymes, etc played in the background, is supposed to be one of the reasons that so many young children have speech delay. And when there are no other adults there, you need to talk to your baby. If your baby is sleeping, of course there is no problem having tv or radio as background noise. But when they are awake, they shouldn't be tv or radio providing copnstant background noise.

Callisto · 18/02/2011 08:28

I listened to R4 when DD was tiny and it certainly didn't delay her speech, though I realise that there is research that says it can, as Lesley states.

I think TV is far more damaging for little children though and would never have it on for background noise or company.

happygilmore · 18/02/2011 08:31

if I didn't have the radio on for at least part of the day I would go mad..I think that might affect my DD too.

northernrock · 18/02/2011 08:39

Ha ha. I never ever bought my ds baby music, and even now he has only just got some kids cd's (he's 4) and drives me mad playing the same two songs over and over...
I always listened to my own music. I considered it education..

Do what keeps you sane. Some children grow up in war zones, or with no stimulation at all.
Your baby will be fine.
If you care enough to even worry about it you are fine and doing a good job.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 18/02/2011 08:44

Goodness me, do some of you really sit in silent houses purely for the sake of your baby as opposed to personal preference? I'd be climbing the walls without the radio on. I have speech radio on a lot and DD never shuts up...a connection perhaps? Wink

lesley33 · 18/02/2011 08:51

My mum used to have the radio on constantly as I was growing up. I love being in a quiet house now. I hate it when I visit people and they have constant background noise - I find it tiring.

Research does say that constant background noise can delay speech. Of course there will be situations where it doesn't (just as there are people who smoke 60 a day and live to 98). But it isn't great for babies or toddlers.

MordechaiVanunu · 18/02/2011 09:06

Constant background nosie can be a problem for speech development.

But I am a radio and news addict and would have gone mad without it.

As long as youre aware of the dangers though and ensure some timeeach day is spent communicating without the noise, all will be fine.

You have to live and stay sane as well as Being a parent.

Don't get too hung up about it would be my advise.
In fact that's my advise for everything Grin.

Original poster
Samraves · 18/02/2011 09:16

Thanks everyone, I guess it comes down to 'everything in moderation' from the speech development thing I guess it makes no difference whether it is tv or radio, but the tv I watch is either homes under the hammer or documentaries, I avoid anything shouty or sweary like Jeremy Kyle!

I do get what you mean about harder for babies to pick up words if someone else is talking in the background. I think I will just turn off for a bit each day when I have her on the mat playing and make sure it is 'us' time and uniterrupted.

Will check out the topic in chat... I just want the balance between the best for dd and my sanity!!

OP posts:
create · 18/02/2011 09:21

I wouldn't have TV on a background, mainly because as she gets older you'll want to use it for a hours peace now and again. A child who isn't used to having it as background will sit spell bound for an hour, but not if they're used to pottering/playing while it's on.

I'm also a believer in start as you mean to go on - presumably you won't want her to have TV on 24/7 when she's older and it can be a hard habit to break. Also, some of the stuff on daytime TV is not really suitable viewing for a pre-schooler imo (doesn't matter now, but will before you know it)

Play classical music to break the silence and you're sure to end up with a mathmatical genius Grin

babybythesea · 18/02/2011 09:33

Interesting way of looking at it from lesley33. I did an MA in Education and part of it was child development, in particular looking at the different ways children from different cultures are treated by the adults and the impact that has on things like speech development.
Essentially, westernised cultures like ours tend isolate the mother and her infant far more than almost any other. The idea that you must interact with your child almost constantly really stems from here, because really, if you don't interact with them, they tend not to hear much language which can delay development and understanding.
OTOH, many cultures, eg in Africa, mums go back to daily life as soon as they are physically able. And the babies go too. No-one makes a particular effort to talk to them (one mother interviewed for one study said 'Why would you talk to them? They can't answer.'). But they are surrounded by language and through this exposure, though not specifically targeted at them, they develop speech at about the same time as western children.
The reason I brought this up was having read some of the posts about how too much TV and radio might clutter their senses and render them unable to identify parental voices, and so delay language, I wondered how this would have fitted into the cross-cultural research. Clearly, these infants are subjected to a lot of background noise but it doesn't seem to cause them any problems. But, is it because it is a 'real-life' setting rather than a TV or radio, ie the adults can and do respond to the infant from time to time? I don't know - just thinking aloud really.
For me personally, I have the radio on all the time - Radio 4. My dd is now 2 and her language is slightly ahead of average for her age (not meant to be a boast - it's not necessarily a blessing, just means she's already very good at arguing with me!) For all the people who find, as lesley33 does, that constant background noise is tiring, there will be others who remember a house full of music which led to spontaneous dancing round the kitchen, and for whom those records bring back wonderful memories. I do wonder if there is some 'cluttering' in the research whereby people who tend to have the radio etc off in order to facilitate interaction with children are those who are also very conscientious (sp?) about it so their children do very well with language development. Then I suspect there will be families who have the TV or radio on and use it to entertain the children instead of interaction with them, which almost certainly has an effect on language - this probably mussies the water of some of the research. Then there are a further group, and I would put myself in this one, who have things on but also put a lot of emphasis on interaction. Ultimately, I would struggle without stuff on - and I think a mother who is slowly going mad does more damage than background noise! But everyone has to do what they think is best.

Hullygully · 18/02/2011 09:39

bbts - yes, is all v interesting. I agree re isolation, I used to go to a group of one kind or another every single day and then beg people to meet up in the afternoon. (And both my dc are v bright scholarship kids so clearly my way is best)

MordechaiVanunu · 18/02/2011 09:43

Oh well feel free to ignore my 'don't get hung up advise' as both my kids are only very average intellectually.(currently).

Hullygully · 18/02/2011 09:44
CharlotteBronteSaurus · 18/02/2011 09:50

i know anecdotes are no substitute for science, but i am a radio addict, and have it on constantly - a mixture of both talk and music. dd1 spoke in sentences at 18mo. who knows, perhaps if i had not listened to the radio she would have been reciting shakespeare at 12mo...

MollieO · 18/02/2011 09:53

I always had the radio on when Ds was small. He has an exceptional vocabulary (told by his teachers) so it clearly did him no harm at all. I couldn't be in a silent house.

MordechaiVanunu · 18/02/2011 09:54

Ah, did think the posting of credentials was odd for you hully.

So are your kids scholarship or not?

Was this irony of the 'I'm making sure you all know my life is super wonderful but with a wink after it which makes it ironic and therfore OK' variety, beloved of certain posters on here or just plain made up for effect? ie really ironic?

I need to know, otherwise how can I judge whether your advise is worth shit or not.

Hullygully · 18/02/2011 09:59

The scholarship bit is true - but of course may have no connection whatsoever with my methods, which frankly were born out of loneliness and desperation rather than theory...

MordechaiVanunu · 18/02/2011 09:59

Actually I think it depends on the radio station.

Radio 4, five live at certain times of the day and classic fm are fine, and your child will probably reach all milestones ahead for your friends children, ( which is obviously the aim) and that holy Grail of 'reading before they go to school.'

Capital, Heart and Radio 1 and they are doomed to....BOTTOM SETS.

Obviously.

Hullygully · 18/02/2011 10:01

But I will say one thing that helps - we took ours off in a campervan for months on end and they had nothing to do but read and talk to us. No telly, computers, nuffink.

This may not of course be a realistic or desirbale option for everyone..

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