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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not AIBU but I didn't know where to post this, I just had to write all this down......

21 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 18/02/2011 01:17

My son is my world, I spent a long time just him and I. We went to so many places and did so many things. He was my best friend and we shared so many laughs. He loved to play, dance, sing and was so happy.

I remember the first time I held him I promised I would make sure he had the best life I could give him and that he would want for nothing. I promised him that every scrape and bruise I would kiss better. I told him about the world, I told him it could be a cruel place but while he has me he will always be safe.

I remember his big blue eyes looking up at me as I spoke to him and I felt all my dreams had come true.

He began to grow and we became so close, he and I, me and him, me and my shadow, my mini me.

I don't know what changed or when I saw the difference. but they were there, I didn't like them, I wanted my little boy back, the one who laughed at our silly games and songs. I wanted to be able to pick him up in my arms and swing him like I used to but he didn't like it anymore.

I wanted to lay in bed with him on a Sunday morning watching rubbish and eating junk.

I didn't want to sit up until 6 in the morning and then go to bed to be woken just 2 hours later.

I wanted to scream, cry and shout.

But what would that have done for me - nobody believed me, they all said I was worrying over nothing, it was a phase a passing time in his life.

He stopped laughing, and would scream so loud, he would not eat properly anymore.

He didn't like to sleep.

I wanted to fix what was wrong so I said he was naughty, I knew he wasn't but I could cope with naughty.

I didn't want anymore children none would be my baby the way he was, or give me the love he did, I didn't want to replace him or the memories I had of when he was my baby boy so happy. I never wanted anything to get in the way of those memories.

They were my memories I didn't want to share.

I remember holding him and going down the slide "more mummy" he would cry as he laughed so hard.

Jumping in puddles, playing wars, playing dinosaurs and so much more.

Sitting together and not saying a word but the 2 of us would laugh at nothing inparticular we just did.

He went but was there, the same but so different.

His happy blue eyes seemed so sad, I wanted to fix it so very much but couldn't find the way.

So i focused on his learning at which he excelled, and showered him with attention so i didn't think I failed.

I miss my baby as he was, I don't know where but somewhere he got lost.

Now I have a young man who has his ways sometimes just sometimes its almost like those days where we laughed for nothing just not quite the same.

I do have a baby well a little boy now, he hasnt taken those memories away they will be there to stay.

But My special boy, my number one, he will always be my baby.

OP posts:
solo · 18/02/2011 01:27

Change is inevitable TLE, but hopefully he will become a good young adult that will remember the fabulous interactions you shared. That's what I hope for with my own Ds...I think they are the same age...12.6

TheLadyEvenstar · 18/02/2011 01:35

Solo, yes I know. I am just doing a lot of soul searching after fridays dx.

DS1 is the same age yes.

OP posts:
InnocentRedhead · 18/02/2011 01:56

Im sat at work here crying reading this. wHAT A LOVELY HONEST MOVING ACCOUNT OF GROWING UP. like you i promised my son this the first time i held him on the day he was born. I never experienced this, i lost him at 6 days.

I failed in my promise to him. Sorry to threadkill but i had to reply, i felt compelled

InnocentRedhead · 18/02/2011 01:57

Sorry about the capitals

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 18/02/2011 01:58

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 18/02/2011 02:01

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solo · 18/02/2011 02:02

I too made those promises to my Ds whilst he was still in my womb.

TLE, I didn't know about a dx on your Ds?

Innocent, you certainly did ot fail in anything; you are too harsh on yourself.

missjulie · 18/02/2011 02:03

TLE, beautiful, just beautiful! xxx

  • fancy seeing you here! xxx
InnocentRedhead · 18/02/2011 02:12

I know, its just reading accounts like this that sometimes just bring those feelings back. Like i said, sorry to threadkill, just felt compelled to reply to such a beautiful account.

TTc now so will experience all this :)

Hey MJ How are you? No late night thread tonight? Unless you wanna start one :) xxx

missjulie · 18/02/2011 02:20
kreecherlivesupstairs · 18/02/2011 07:58

Beautiful. I promised DD that I wouldn't let anything bad happen to her. I think I've managed so far.
Only this morning, she was standing on the sofa giving me a hug and I thought to myself, I'd better make the most of this, it won't carry on for too much longer. She is 9.9

TheLadyEvenstar · 18/02/2011 08:51

Solo he was dx with aspergers. It explains so much for me.
Hence my needing to remember, and write down. I am not good with telling people how I feel, so I write.

OP posts:
TheLadyEvenstar · 18/02/2011 08:52

Innocent, I am sorry about your DS I really am. You didn't fail him you did give him the best life he could have and for that he will always be with you.

xx

OP posts:
solo · 18/02/2011 12:40

Ahhh. Thought it might be the case. I've often thought of Asberger's when you've written about your Ds (no offence intended) in the past TLS; my nephew has it substantially (which was why bells rang), and my own Ds has many of the markers, but not enough for a dx with a name attached ~ which of course, I'm absolutely grateful for, but it doesn't take away the problems that he does have.

I hope you get the help you need for your Ds, I really do.

TheLadyEvenstar · 18/02/2011 12:48

Solo, I thought it a long time ago to the point I told a Dr when he was 5yrs old. But when I got the idea rubbished, I decided to focus of other things. I just saw him as naughty and wouldn't have listened to anything else tbh.

I am kind of blind in what to do/happens now. But at the same time I know what to do.

OP posts:
Ormirian · 18/02/2011 12:55

lady - that is beautiful. Thanks for posting it.

Watching them grow up and away is heart-breaking even though we want it to happen too. But I'm sorry it was so hard for you.

TheLadyEvenstar · 18/02/2011 12:57

Orm, thanks its not so much about him growing up as much as it is about watching him change and then be dx with aspergers.

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 18/02/2011 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThreIsNoSpoon · 18/02/2011 13:02

That was beautifully written and your love for you son shines through.

TheLadyEvenstar · 18/02/2011 13:13

Blush ty

OP posts:
Summerbird73 · 18/02/2011 13:24

innocent i am so sorry for your loss, you did not fail your son, you gave him all your love and still do xxx

TLS what a moving post. My mum said to me recently to cherish the moments i have with DS as i have only 'borrowed' him for a few years. She said it is hard but parents have to let go at some point.

sending some un MN hugs to you both xx

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