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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask DH to get the train to work

27 replies

LoveMyGirls · 17/02/2011 13:46

His car is on it's last legs, it's running for now but I'm not holding out much hope for it lasting another 6 months which is how long it will probably take us to be able to afford to replace it. If we replace it sooner than that it will need to be paid for by getting into even deeper debt and we are trying very hard to repay all our debts.

So I suggested getting the train if the worst comes to it rather than gaining more debt, he says he is willing to try it for 1 week if he has no car but he feels he works very hard, earns a decent salary and deserves the luxury of a car. His car is due to be taxed in APril and MOT'd in July, I can't see it making it until then tbh, I am praying it lasts but even if it needs £200 worth of work doing on it between now and then that's more than we can afford and that £200 plus petrol money would pay for him to get to and from work for 2 months.

I have said I can understand why he feels like that and him having a car does benefit all of us because he takes dd1 to school and I take dd2 to school so it would mean us all being ready earlier, possibly getting up earlier in order to get everyone where they need to be on time and I would need to arrange my work around it. But it's a lot cheaper, it's only 15mins on the train and a 10min walk the other end. I would drop him and collect from the station. It would only be a temporary solution and we would aim to get him a car as soon as we possibly could afford it.

SO AIBU?

OP posts:

supersewer · 17/02/2011 14:01

my dh gets train every day - doesn't especially enjoy it but can get some work done while he travels.

season tickets are not especially cheap though!!

HecateQueenOfWitches · 17/02/2011 14:04

He can't have what he can't afford, regardless how much he thinks he deserves it!

The family has one car. That's more than quite a few families and perfectly ok to manage on.

And it's only for a while anyway.

I think he is being unreasonable.

coppertop · 17/02/2011 14:05

He may well deserve luxuries but we don't always get what we deserve.

What about a compromise where some of the money saved from using the train is put towards saving for a new car?

oldwomaninashoe · 17/02/2011 14:06

No you are being perfectly reasonable. I personally find train travel (to work) less stressful than driving.

It will do the kids good to walk to school!

pollyblue · 17/02/2011 14:08

Fifteen minutes on the train and a ten minute walk is nothing compared to some peoples journey to work. And just for a couple of months? I'm surprised he's not willing to bite the bullet and just do it really, if the alternative is more debt for you. I think he's BU.

BeenBeta · 17/02/2011 14:15

Good grief!

I am astonished he is even arguing about it.

Sounds like someone is not even started facing up to the reality of the financial situation with this:

".... he feels he works very hard, earns a decent salary and deserves the luxury of a car."

I want a lot of things but I dont deserve them much less actually need them.

MollysChambers · 17/02/2011 14:15

He's BU. And behaving a little like a spoiled child tbh. If there's no money, there's no money....

Presumably he has had a hand in building up your debt. Living beyond your means eventually catches up with you and means going without for a while.

QuintessentialShadows · 17/02/2011 14:18

I also want a six bedroom house in Fulham. I work really hard, and think I deserve it.

erm. (I am lucky if I can afford a shed in Fulham)

He needs to face up to your financial situation , and stop moaning. A walk will do him much more good in the long run!

Bogeyface · 17/02/2011 14:18

Being picky but if you wont have a car, how will you drop him at the station?

But no YANBU at all!

JarethTheGoblinKing · 17/02/2011 14:21

How much would a season ticket cost? Look into that first, you might be surprised.

Goblinchild · 17/02/2011 14:22

DH commutes from Sussex to London on a daily basis, and walks a mile to the station.
I'll show him this thread when he gets back, it will make him happily smug and superior.
Can I make a lisst of all the things I think I deserve?
Will the magic genie come and give me my real life, not this shabby one full of compromises I've got by mistake?

JBellingham · 17/02/2011 14:23

Why can't you drop him off at work? Or let him drop you off?

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 17/02/2011 14:24

YANBU

DH gets the train, it's not cheap but he gets an interest free loan for the season ticket through work and petrol plus parking and the added wear on the car would cost more.

DH walks 8 mins to the train station and 15 mins the other end. No big deal, he prefers it to driving, mostly.

Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 17/02/2011 14:33

To answer a few questions:

dc's can't walk to school, dd1's school is 3 miles away so needs taking there or it would be 2 buses which would cost more and she's not quite ready to do that by herself yet. Dd2 is only 5 so also needs taking and I wouldn't have time to take dh to station, take dd1 to school come home park the car and then walk dd2 and all my mindees (I'm a cm, mindee's are currently napping) to school plus we usually go on to toddler groups or I have children to collect.

I need my car for work as I do drop off's, collections and getting around with 6 dc's is tricky and time consuming bottom line is I can't earn what I earn without my car. We can't currently afford to run two cars and as dh's work only requires him to be in 1 building it is a lot easier for his car to go while we sort ourselves out.

Yes he has had a hand in the debt that is mounting up, we've been together 9yrs and so we are both responsible. We are now at a point where the debt needs to go in order to save for a house, help dd's go to uni in the future etc.

OP posts:

oldwomaninashoe · 17/02/2011 14:46

I went without a car for years while the DC's were small as DH needed a van for work (he is a builder)and we could not afford to run 2 vehicles. I coped, the kids ( and I) walked everywhere, and we could not go out as a family in a car becuse the van only took two people.

We just got on with it until we were in a position to afford another vehicle, we all survived.

Carrotsandcelery · 17/02/2011 14:52

It seems a reasonable request and he might actually find it a lot less stressful and more enjoyable.

My dh wishes we lived somewhere where he could get public transport and just chill out for a while on the way to work.
He also works hard and earns a decent salary but the car does not make the man!

BeenBeta · 17/02/2011 15:25

I blame Margaret Thatcher:

"A man who, beyond the age of 26, finds himself on a bus can count himself as a failure."

Goblinchild · 17/02/2011 15:49

But it's a train BB.
Altogether a different thing.
Choo chooooo.

Bogeyface · 17/02/2011 16:37

Sorry, I read it that you only had one car!

He is being very precious about it. He needs to suck it up and accept that the debts that he helped rack up are the reason he cant have a new car, so its his own fault!

pointydog · 17/02/2011 16:48

yanbu

Commuting by train really is very respectable.

oldwomaninashoe · 17/02/2011 16:53

Has he got a bike?
seriously a lot of people are cycling to work now because of controlled parking zones making life difficult.

One of My Ds's cycles from Hertfordshire to Central London 3 days a week (he now has a six pack)

bumpsnowjustplump · 17/02/2011 16:58

Its a Man thing I think.

I commuted from kent to london for 9 years but try to get dp onto a train is like trying to get blood from a stone... He is better now we have dc's who love the train though.

TimeWasting · 17/02/2011 17:11

I think you are being very reasonable.

'Deserve' has got nothing to do with it.

Have you priced up the season ticket?

EleanorJosie · 17/02/2011 17:17

We both work - my husband goes on the train and I drive. It isn't really feasible to drive into London with congeestion charge and parking anyway from where we are, and the train is quicker. But I just wanted to add that the car isn't always the 'luxury' option. My husband pays over £200 a month for his ticket JUST FOR THE TRAIN, no Travelcard, so do factor in the cost of the tickets in our calculations. For me to get the train every day would cost nearly £7 a day - I work four days a week, so £28 a week. Petrol costs us about £60 a month, so about £15 a week. It wouldn't make sense for us to have two cars but it does make sense to have the one - and it is vastly cheaper for me to drive it to work than go on the train. YANBU though.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 17/02/2011 17:23

My car (the only car, DH doesn't drive) failed its MOT last week so dramatically that we couldn't justify getting it repaired to pass. We would have had to borrow money from relatives, and faced the prospect of another bill as I'm pretty sure the clutch was on its way out too.

DH is most likely being made redundant in the next 6 months, and we'd already decided to downsize from my big 2l to a smaller 1.4 (no pushchairs to store any more, and it's very cheap to hire trailers when we go camping) so I've gritted my teeth, scrapped the dead car and I'm going to bus it until the redundancy comes through.

Our 10 minute car journey to school is now a 35 minute walk and my 1/2 hr trip to work now takes an hour and a half and involves me getting night buses and not getting home until 1.30am ()

So he's going to have a 25 minute train/walk journey and he's complaining? Tell him to man up. That's a ridiculously short journey to warrant a second car. Try cycling it - do him good to get some exercise!

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