to point out the many POSITIVES of having boys in today's society (long sorry)

[elisio1]

I have 2 DSs - 1 and 3 and have read , with mounting amazement and horror, all the posts of the type:" I'm scared of having boys because: they don't show emotions/don't have the same childcare instinct/I can't go shopping with them/you lose them when they get married/paternal grandparents get a raw deal etc etc

Thought it was time to counter some of these statements and point out the many great things about having boys in 21st century UK.

1. Just as the female "role" has changed dramatically in the last few decades, so has the male "role" changed, except in a different (but equally positive) direction:

• It's GREAT that women can now have fulfulling careers, take leading managerial roles etc, but I also see it as GREAT that men can now play a much bigger part in the childcare.

• If my sons want to be stay-at-home dads when/if they have children, that is now a real option. I'm really pleased about that.

-If my sons want to be midwives/primary school teachers/nursery workers, that too is a real option(a few around now and I suspect the numbers will increase and increase. -Following on from the above, boys are increasingly "allowed " to be sensitive/show emotions- ok I live in a liberal , university city , but the place is teeming with sensitive males into music, cinema, yoga etc etc

-Boys are increasingly "allowed" to enjoy shopping and take care of their appearance, and , to all those mums who are sad because they can't go to nail bars/spa weekends with their boys, well, I expect that in 10 years or so, no-one will bat an eyelid at them doing so.

2. As all the above changes, so, I expect, will the paternal MIL relationship with her DIL/grandchildren. If more dads are at home with the children/play a greater role in the childcare, I imagine the paternal PIL may be more heavily involved.. but what's really important here is how the MIL/PIL relationship is MODELLED to your DSs, which brings me to.....
3. If you make an effort to get on and involve your PIL in your sons' lives, your sons will see them as equally important grandparents, and , when they have children, will expect you and your DP to play an important role in their children's lives. If you ignore and leave your PIL out, then you are giving the message that they are not as important and your sons may well absorb this message when they have children. I'll stop rambling, but, mothers of boys, I feel there's much to celebrate about having our sons in 21 century England!

"Girls? Pah my sister had two and they were the nastiest things ever, I couldn't have had girls. Orrible."

Not exactly thinly veiled.

Sorry you feel like that, last few posters. I for one just feel blessed my two are (relatively) healthy and OK. I guess what I meant to communicate is that I really didn't mind what I had. And objected to being made to feel as though I were missing something. Or that my kids were somehow not 'enough' for our family.

If I have another I'd love a girl. Or a boy. Whatever.

I have 3 sons & they are amazing, loving children. I did want a girl but I think that's for me to 'dolly up' with hair bows & pretty dresses which is very shallow of me really. I am blessed to have my sons and this thread has made me realise how very lucky I am. Thank you ladies - and to those who have moaned, up yours

smugaboo that's very rude, we don't need that on here.

Isn't just a stronger way of saying "up yours" barbie?

My 'up yours' is very obviously clearly tongue-in-cheek so no, not the same at all. Fabbychic is entitled to have an opinion without being sworn at I think.

My 4 year oid DS has more empathy, patience and kindness in his little finger than my same(ish) aged nieces have in their whole bodies.

However, to balance, I have met some very sweet natured girls.

Boys are amazing, and they definitely get a raw deal these days.

Hi all, I really didn't mean this to turn into a "girls are shit" thread.. because I certainly don't think so! I've met lots of lovely little girls, I'm a girl (and think I'm ok!) and would have been equally happy with girls as boys. I was trying to make a different point.

I was wanting to emphasise that , today, in Western society, gender roles are much more fluid and flexible, and will only get more so, I think. By saying this, I wanted to reassure those mums of boys who (from what I read on MNET), seem anxious - and unduly influenced- about the negative male stereotypes around.

Tbh I might have felt more worried about having boys 50 years ago when , in Uk society, there was a strong feeling that men didn't need to play a significant role in childrearing ,were supposed to hide their emotions and were very much encouraged to be Alpha Males.

But now I feel that society is now more geared towards men (and women) being who they want to be, doing the job that suits them,and I wanted to celebrate that fact.

That applies to girls as much as boys- I just think that mothers of boys (partic those who are scared at the prospect of the "unknown" element of boys) need stronger reminders of that.

I have three sons, my youngest child is a girl. People, to this day (she's almost six now) assume I only had a fourth to try for a girl. Hmmm, if they'd seen how I cried my leg off in shock at the unplanned pregnancy they might think differently. Apart from the very obvious fact it'd be the most ridiculous reason to try for another - there was every bit as much chance of a fourth boy - it's insulting. Like my boys weren't good enough.

Many, many times I had people peer into my pram, see another baby in blue and tell me what a terrible shame it was for me to have had another boy. Yeah, nice one.

There really isn't much difference at all between a son and a daughter, certainly not as children. The novelty of frilly dresses and hairbows wears off pretty quick when you realise what a pain in the arse they are (vomit over frills?!) and long hair? Jeez, you'd think murder was being committed here every morning at dreaded hair combing time.

Children are individuals and shouldn't be defined by their gender. It's pure myth that boys are like this and girls are like that. They are who they are.

Beautiful post by bottleofbeer, sums it all up with dignity.

elisio I totally understand your points & you raised them with integrity.

We are all very very lucky to have healthy children, gender unimportant!

My 2 boys are 19 and 23 now.
When youngest was a few days old an elderly lady looked in the pram and said ' Oh what a shame, another boy'.
I had desperately wanted a daughter with first pregnancy but loved him to bits as soon as I saw him. Second time around I just wanted another son!
I have to say 2 of the same sex has worked very well for holidays, days out etc.
Yes the eldest did used to dive on top of him sometimes to give him several a thump, generally whilst I was cooking dinner which used to drive me mad, but I always used to tell youngest he might be bigger one day, and he is.
They just get on so well with each other now. Eldest has just been at uni for 4 years and youngest has just started and they really enjoy each others company when they're back together ( including eldest returning to his old uni, where youngest is now studying and crashing on his floor in his hall with 2 friends in tow!)
Just hope that I will get on as well with any future DIL's as I do with my MIL ( who is the mum to me that mine never was. But that's another story!)

I remember coming around after my cs, finding out I had a boy and stating in shock "what am I supposed to do with a boy"? (had a dd 22mths before)

Answer is everything! My ds is 11 and an absolute gem. He can cook, clean, iron, help with wallpapering, and we play just about every computer game under the sun and read fab books together.

He is the most huggy, smiley boy ever, and I am so lucky to have him

I have 3 boys aged 10, 7 and 19mths. They rock!! But im sure id say the same if id have had girls.
Love your kids for who they are!

I have two boys who are wonderful and, although they look alike are extremely different in personality.

I also have two gorgeous nieces.

I was a complete tomboy throughout most of my childhood, it was only my waist length hair that indicated I was a girl. I played football, climbed trees, hated dolls.

I just don't get this gender stereotyping, we are blessed with children, they are all individuals and will be what they will be.

And yes, fab post by Bottleofbeer

My 3 boys are fab. I would have loved a girl each time but I think it's just due to the negativety you experience with boys- I've certainly had plenty of rude comments about ds3 and too many 'r u going to try again for a girl' - I do find it really upsetting cos my boys are so lovely and cuddly and I know how lucky I am to have conceived and had 3 healthy ones so easily. I think I just need to get better about rebutting these negative comments.

My mil is great too and I think alot of the negative mil threads do alot to make us with sons feel sad about the future with our sons which is such a shame as they are all individuals and it doesn't have to be like that. DH certainly calls and sees his mum alot more than I see mine