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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

note home from teacher

18 replies

annbenoli · 17/02/2011 11:14

A bit of background. My son is in the juniors in a one form entry primary school. He does not find things easy socially and often has a hard time getting on with the other children. Yesterday he came home with a note on a post it which was in his reading diary. It was not in an envelope and it was not signed. It read 'any chance that *can have some bigger trousers as at times we can see his bottom'. DS1 said that one child had commented in class that they could see his bottom but that it had not caused a fuss. I checked his trousers and they are fine. This does happen to him sometimes, think it is his shape rather that ill fitting clothes. As the letter wasnt signed DS1 convinced himself that another child had written the note and got upset. Surely if this was an issue the teacher should have had a private word with me. I have spoken to the head about it this morning and she said she agrees with me and will get the teacher to phone me later.

OP posts:

curlymama · 17/02/2011 11:15

Sounds like you are already doing the right thing.

GandalfyCarawak · 17/02/2011 11:17

My son has the same problem with trousers. Nothing to be done. YOu've done the right thing.

LB29 · 17/02/2011 11:18

I wouldn't even expect a letter home about uniform. Sounds more likely that a child has done tthis.

veritythebrave · 17/02/2011 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sarsaparilllla · 17/02/2011 11:20

How odd I think you've done the right thing, a queit word would've been better if it was really an issue?

MangoTango · 17/02/2011 11:20

If the teacher and other kids can see your son's bottom, then it might be an idea to go shopping and try different trousers until you find some where this doesn't happen. Maybe try a belt and see if that helps. I think at his age that something like that will get a child picked on sadly. :(

ArabellaFinchHartley · 17/02/2011 11:20

It sounds bizarre to me. I am a teacher and I would either have called you in for a quiet word or written a quick note and put it in an envelope (I would only have done that if there was a reason I wouldn't be able to see you eg after school meetings). I would personally have gone into see the teacher myself rather than contacting the head but if the teacher is going to phone you later then that's fine. I would stress that if she wishes to write notes of a personal nature they should either be sealed up so your son can't see or preferably dealt with face to face. Poor professional behaviour IMO.

curlymama · 17/02/2011 11:23

There is a chance it could be the teacher that wrote the note. I work in a nursery, and if we notice something like a childs indoor shoes not fitting properly anymore, we would write it in the communication book. As a child would be unlikely to use the shoes at home and they usually just get carried to and from nursery each day, it would be very easy for a parent not to notice that they had been outgrown.

Carrotsandcelery · 17/02/2011 11:32

I received a post it note from the school asking me to sew my ds's hood to his jacket because they were sick of poppering it back on when other pupils pulled it off.

It is amazing what the school feels it is acceptable to complain about and how inappropriately it can be communicated.

Hopefully it will all be sorted out when the teacher phones later today. A quiet word with you if you are there at pick up would have been more effective or a sealed note.

If his trousers do fit and a belt doesn't help then maybe braces would help a bit. You don't want him so strapped in that he ends up having an accident at school because he can't get his trousers off to go to the loo.

BuzzLiteBeer · 17/02/2011 11:33

you can't tell the difference between a note from a small child and one from the teacher? Does teacher usually write in crayon with the b's backwards?

manicbmc · 17/02/2011 11:39

What's wrong with writing in crayon ?

Sounds an odd thing to justify a note home really though.

Original poster

annbenoli · 17/02/2011 11:49

update: the teacher has phoned me and the note was from her. She said she was trying to be helpful as she had seen other children looking at him and laughing. I told her that I wasnt happy about how the note was sent and she said she apologised for that but she obviously didnt think it was unreasonable. The thing is ds1 is a bit quirky and to be frank there are some really horrible children in his class who seem intent on making his life a misery. He didnt see a problem why should he be made to change and the other children just be allowed to be horrible. One of the tas at the school has a tattoo at the base of her back which all the children see when she bends down but if the children were laughing at her im sure they would get into trouble and i doubt she would be asked to wear different triusers. I did point this out! I too am a teacher so I am experienced in this matter and there are much better ways to handle things. DS1 is basically a lovely boy who doesnt fir the schools mould but I dont want to stop him being him.

OP posts:

curlymama · 17/02/2011 11:52

It sounds like the school needs to do a few lessons about how it's nice to be knd to eachother and that laughing at other people is mean and hurtful.

littleducks · 17/02/2011 12:20

I think the teacher was right to draw this to your attention. Maybe a more discreet note would have been prefable.

If the trousers show his bottom then they probably arent suitable. Its a PITA (no pun intended) when kids are slim with no real curve so the trousers slide down but they should have trousers that fit properly.

My nieces have the same problem and my SIL tightens/adds elastic at the back. This is a bit of a faff though.

Can you get him in the habit of tucking his vest in so if the do slip nothing is visible? That combined with a easy to open belt might help

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 17/02/2011 12:29

Might it help if he wore boxers rather than pants?

GandalfyCarawak · 17/02/2011 12:31

It isn't always a case of hetting properly fitting trousers, adjustable waists, belts though. My son has tried everything and everything falls down.

Panzee · 17/02/2011 12:34

The TA with the tramp stamp should be asked to wear different trousers. It is a pain finding school-friendly clothes (I know!) but it is possible.
But he should have some trousers that fit properly. There's a few in my school whose trousers don't and it's not nice to see to be frank.

I hope she's dealing with the nasty boys separately.

Avantia · 17/02/2011 12:41

I think the teacher was right to let you know - but obivously perhaps in a better way - but dont you think it would have been better to approach the teacher in the first instance rather than speak with the Head ? Also by speaking to her first you could have got to the bottom ( no pun intended) about the problems with the other children in the class and how you both can work towards resolving the matter , her with the class children you with your son.

We all make mistakes but her heart was in the right place .

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