to think MIL should mind her own business?

[Lilliesandroses]

My MIL, who I get on OK with, works for a bank. Her DS, my DH, has a bank account at said bank. I have never been overly happy that he banks there, as I know she would be able to look at his account, but didn't think she really would.

However, lately she has commented on shops she has seen 'debits come out of his account' from, and also on a few occasions how much he earns! The only way she could know this is by looking as he hasn't told her.

She also asks how much we spend on things ALL THE TIME. Such as rent, holidays... everything really.

AIBU to tell her to mind her own business, and how do I do this in a non confrontational manner??

Thanks ChickensHaveNoEyebrows I will pack DH & his debit card off to GiantDildosRUs!!

The thing is, she already knows how much DH earns, how much he puts into our joint account, and I guess what he has bought me for Christmas & Birthdays etc. I should have just thought about it before.

She then questions us on all the stuff she doesn't know about - i.e. how much we pay for rent, holidays etc. I feel like she uses it against us, as she thinks we can afford to 'treat' them to stuff. Perhaps thinks we don't spend enough on her for Christmas/Birthdays etc.

Arrggghhhh. I wish I had convinced DH to change banks way earlier - I guess he never minded before but now it doesn't just affect him - she now has an insight to our finances and I hate it!

Threaten her with reporting her to the bank manager, I have worked in a high street bank and they were extremely strict about privacy, people were sacked for going in to look at a celebrity's account when they found out that this person banked there, I would imagine they would take an even harsher view on going in to look at relatives accounts for no reason other than nosiness. She knows she has crossed the line and you should have it out with her, why should you have to move your account with all the resulting hassle with direct debits etc just because she has behaved inappropriately?

Eatmyfood I am so glad you posted that! My MIL was staying recently, normaly my meternity notes sit on the desk in the spare room.

When I was helping her with her things to the room I picked up my notes as I went to leavem she quickly said, leave them there, I was planning to read through to see how you are performing for my granchild!!!!

I was gobsmasked! Politely said they were private medical records, not light reading and left

OH MY GOD I used to work for s bank and can't believe she is doing this. I know people who have been sacked for the same thing. Although it sounds to me like she would turn it round on you if you did report her.

ooh what a horrible postion to be in! having her keep track of your financial life. If it was me, i'd almost be tempted to be highly extravagant (if could afford) and frivolous in some shop she'd totally disapprove of, just to annoy her! but..i would change banks!! she'd hate that, she must really enjoy snooping. Don't give her that pleasure any more. I'm nearly 40 and constantly get questioned on my spending by my parents. It's not an age thing just a parent thing. Wouldn't matter if i were 20 or 60. I feel for you!

One of my neighbours worked at the local branch of the bank I was with, although she didn't do the counter service.

One afternoon, I bumped into her whilst holding a couple of Harrods bags after visiting their sale.

She said "God, I'm surprised you shop in there considering the size of your overdraft!"

I was going to complain but I thought she may be sacked and I knew she'd just bought her house.

I changed my account to another bank though.

She is way out of line

I used to work for a bank and as others have said, this is gross misconduct and if discovered, would lead to her dismissal. We were not allowed to serve any relatives or to access any of their account details on the bank's computer system. I am amazed that this has not been discovered actually, since it is possible for the employers to check every account that has been accessed by any given member of staff.

I would certainly be moving my bank to a different bank altogether, making sure that the new one is not part of the same group since there is often an overlap on their computer systems. I would also make sure she knows exactly why you are doing this. She needs to know that you are in fact doing her a big favour by not just dropping her in it!

Thanks everyone - I glad you all think its unreasonable too. Without wanting to say too much, it's a small bank where she is pretty senior. I would never go down the route of reporting her or threatening to report her - we do get on despite this.

Bank account will be moved, but just need to fend off the personal financial questions now! My own parents never would dream of asking anything , but I guess she feels she has always known her son's business, so doesn't see it as any different now he is married with his own family.

Had a thought, is it possible she's got herself added to the account for info purposes?

All completely out of order as others have said. However I don't think I'd close the account - just leave a very minimal amount in it - just to give her something to think about and 'cos I'm a bit mean

Well quite chelstonmum, it was the fact that she was sat there with her feet tucked under her like she was enjoying a quick flick through Take A Break .

Definitely move the account. It's unacceptable for her to be looking at it, never mind commenting on it.

When I worked in a branch of a bank years ago we all got letters advising that it would be gross misconduct to look at customer's accounts other than in the course of our work. Sounds to me like she could get into trouble if she gets found out - and an internal audit could easily do that. Maybe someone could have a quiet word?

Before you close it you've got to have a bit of fun surely? Have you got a friend with an online online bank account - that way you don't have to actually spend the money on the giant dildos (although I must say you seemed to jump on that idea preeeeeety quickly ) you can give them cash e.g. £25 and they transfer £25 from their account into yours - except in the reference they put something like Anal Fissures Weekly / Bumsex Buccaneer II ..... or just put something you know she will NOT be able to keep quiet about.... Tiffany's Eternity Ring (she'll be wondering where it is the whole time) or Harley Street Big Boobs-R-Us (you might need a few grand transfer for either of those though! Bum Buccaneer II is by far the cheaper option )

Whether you shop her or not, she will get found out over this. I'm tempted to ask which bank.

Definitely move the account. In the meantime, if she mentions anything from your account, look confused and ask her how she knows about it, and when she confesses she looked at your account, look and tell her you thought that was illegal. Video her response, it will be priceless.

Esperanto can you REALLY make things like that show up on the account? DH and I both have individual accounts plus a joint account and I have a sudden urge to subscribe to Bondage for Beginners.

Not to shop myself just to be clear! But I wouldn't want to bank somewhere with such lax practices. Browsing accounts is one thing, but making transactions on a family members account is gross misconduct

Just move your Bank account and let it slide. All out war with your MIL is not a good option.