Need some help so posting here , please dont flame me

[SunshineisSorry]

I've struggled with anxiety/dpression since i had DD five years ago.Lots of reasons, bereavement, debt, genral overload and PND?

Its back in such a bad way, i think i feel worse now than i did before. Totally out of control, you will see that if you look at the other threads i have posted this week in relationships and chat- im mortified.

I was doing ok, looking for work etc, but its going badly and we are struggling financially. I am just going out of my head. I don't want to go back on citalopram becuase it made me not give a shit for three years and i let everything just carry on and on, had counselling but it just turned into a whine fest where the counsellor would let me go and moan about how crap my life was for an hour, it went on for a year and i enjoyed it, looked forward to it, but now realise it did nothing for me whatsoever, possibly because i didnt embrace it?

This week i have been so up and down that i could describe my behaviour as Bi-polor, which im not making an armchair diagnosis of, i know i am not bi-polar, just such extremes, mostly i am so anxiious i feel like a coiled spring and ijust want to run, or scream, but i darent scream because i wont stop. Yesterday was the worst though, because i was high as a kite, on the bloody ceiling, couldnt stop talking, kept having to touch my fingers on my thumb over and over just to be moving, felt euphoric even, people noticed blush I blame a cup of coffee i had, maybe htat was it, have been off coffee as it upsets my tummy. But no, i was like it all day - was worse after the cofffee though. That was worse than the lows to be honest

Had vile argument with DP tonight, hes still not home Im going to drive him away, there is a trigger for this but its not SO bad, iyswim.

sorry for crap typing, shaking blush

Is there a mental health helpline similar to Samaritans but more experienced in mental health specifically?

Have had anxiety depression, step one, cut out alcohol, caffeine, cigs
step 2 take the drugs at as high a dose as you need to stabilise and thank christ the drugs are ok these days
step 3, when the inital crisis has passed get good CBT or psychiatric intervention, not wishy wash ycounselling
step 4 get you DP to step up to the mark and support you

This is probably as hard as it will get for you, but ech step forward will take you further away form it
you need to take ocntrol and get the help you need to look after yoursel

Good luck

Agree you may need a high dose but get there gradually! Not all at once, gradually increase the dose - your GP should monitor this, don't do it on your own.

Agree with the excellent advice above. I haven't drunk alcohol for years - as with caffeine, not worth it (completely loony 'hangovers' )

update OMFG it was PMT!!! I have a marena coil and on the whole don't bleed, although sometimes have PMT like symptoms. I was murderous on Thursday night, and managed to resolve some stuff yesterday, still felt like shit, this morniing i went for a run and felt better for it. This afternoon i am bleeding, familiar draggy pain in back, now i look back, nipples so sore all week. I am nearly up on my five years on my coil, does that mean my periods are to return? They were never much to speak of, but the PMT was terrible (i would be almost homicidal and im not joking) its not been so bad since on mirena coil but general anxiety and depression was pretty constant before. What was weird is that yesterday stuff that was stressing me got sorted but i still felt that horrible gut feeling that you feel if you are say, waiting for an exam, waiting for blood test results or soemthing, and a sense of very real impending doom. Maybe im putting two and two together wrongly, but i guess i should go and see my doctor again as i can't face feeling like i did over the past couple of days again, i honestly don't think ive ever felt so bad. Worried that period has suddenly returned, i did have slight periods when coil first fitted but why now? It has to be a period as all the symptoms fit, with the sore and lumpy breasts (so much so that i did breast exam because i was was worried ) to the vile vile mood - what a mess, but maybe at least i now know why.

Yesterday I was saying to DP that i coudlnt understand why i felt like i did, all the shite was sorted so not over reacting.

Don't know much about the marena coil sunshine but imo this wasn't just PMT! Agree that PMT can sometimes be horrific but imo there is more to this than that and I would still suggest you get back on ADs for the time-being. Glad to hear things have eased though

I've had depression/anxiety AND PMT, thing is PMT just makes the depression/anxiety a whole lot worse.