Would you marry abroad if your Family were not there?and have you?.

[prettytulips]

Dh and are planning our wedding finally and am very happy he has suggested he wants to marry abroad with his family,my family and our friends.

The problem is my relationship with family is strained am not speaking to mother have not for 3 months,im worried none of them would come,would make excuses or not be able ble to afford it.

Im afraid I would look a fool infront of everyone so dont want to marry in this situation,im worried id be pitied aibu?and wwud?.

Issue not about being pitied by other people, I'd have thought, more about being honest about what you want.

If you really want them to be there AND you think that the money would be a significant obstacle to them coming, then don't do it. You risk being seen by them as excluding them on purpose by making it inaccessible.

If, on the other hand, it's not that important to you whether you're there or not and you don't mind about the consequences it would have for the long-term relationship with your family, then do what you and your dp want to do, wherever that is. Just don't imagine it will improve the relationship with your mother. And don't let the first your mother hears about it be by wedding invitation to an event you know she has no means of attending.

Thank you Jkklpu I think if I have tbh I want me family there thank you for your kind advice it means alot.

Good luck with making up: a phone call to your mother breaking the news you're getting married might be all it takes.

This sounds like DP's idea (which is fine if you like it, but it sounds like it needs a bit more discussion). Where do you want to get married? Would you be happier with your friends there rather than your family?

I got married on a beach in the carribean. Everyone thought it was really romantic and said it was great when we were out there.

I ran away to get married when I was 20 and my husband was 19. My mum found out just before and she was ok in the end. It was 7 years ago now and I still glad I did it. My mum and dad said it was a good idea now as it was getting complicated with organising so I just went and did it, but thats the kind of thing I do so knew to expect something mad lol.

DH & I got married in Florida 19 years ago. We went on our own and had a reception for all the family & friends when we returned. It was the best thing we ever did - we were so relaxed and able to enjoy the day without worrying about anybody else.

DH and I got married on safari in Kenya in 1998. We were on our own. Parents and friends didn't come out. It was a lovely intimate ceremony of which I relish the memories.

On return we had a big church blessing (which was exactly same as a wedding service) and party for 100+ guests. This was about 3 weeks after our Kenya ceremony. I knew I would hate the standing in front of everyone bit, which I did, so very glad to have had the real ceremony before. But the party was fab!

I got married in the US no family or friends just me and DH - it was great. Did a family party when we got home.

my sister got married in mexico. the parents and one of my sisters were flying out after them but a day after they left all flights were cancelled due to swine flu!

It was all a bit mad at the time, would they be sent home etc. but they got married on the beach just the two of them and they loved it.they did have a blessing and do afterwards but they said it was great it being just the two of them.

We got married in NZ (where my DH is from). My family couldn't make it so we had another wedding party in the UK a few months after so all my family and friends could come. Worked out well.

We got married in the Cook Islands, just us, then went snorkelling after it :o

We then had a big party / reception for >100 people when we got back. I'm not paricularly close to my family and TBH they would have just stressed me out on my wedding day so it suited us, my parents said do whatever we wanted to as it was our day- so we did!

personally no, if i ever was to marry i would want my huge family there. i love a good party.

Hulababy we did the same but in 1991 but our ovely intimate ceremony turned into a bit of a mass outing as it was quite rare to have a holiday wedding then and the whole hotel turned up to watch.
But it was still a great day and i dont regret a thing about it.

I would want may family there, but can understand easily why people like to do it just the two of them.

I think in a situation like yours, I'd want both families there or neither, and I would confirm whether they would all come before booking it. If you are likely to feel lonely or outnumbered because your family aren't there for you when dh has all his there, and has to be around them quite alot of the time, I wouldn't do it.

i cant tell you how much i wish i had buggered off abroad.

my family is fucking bonkers. mad as a box of frogs and they ruined my day.

i had been thinking of going abroad and i got talked out of it by well meaning busy bodies, but 20 years later and i still regret not just doing what we wanted.

in the end i felt my wedding day was for every body else, not for me, and i couldnt enjoy it as my mother and stepfather ruined it with stupid family rows and the most ridiculous speech ever in the history of cringworthy speeches....my usher kept coughing "bollocks" all the way through it it was that bad!

my advice would be if you want to go abroad then do it. i still regret not doing it to this day - it would have just been me and DH and it would have been lovely!

am doing it this year. don't want all the hassle and aggro. plus various friends have fallen out with each other...it just makes sense to me.

I thought about getting married overseas as dh and I were living overseas at the time, but had to re-think as I realised how important for my mum it was to be there. In retrospect, I'm really glad I did. I didn't realise until the day itself how important it was for me to have everyone there.