Am thinking about culling DS (17)'s ridiculously vast collection of clothes

[duchesse]

He's supposed to be doing his own washing. Yesterday other day, not being able to bear the smell emanating from his room any longer, I investigated and found 4 7kg machine-loads of dirty clothing lying around his room. He's been wearing mismatched socks for months because half of all his pairs of socks were lying festering under furniture.

He was lucky enough to be given three large binbags of outgrown clothes by a friend's son a year ago and he barely ever has to do any washing. I think that subtly removing clothes until he has a manageable amount might be the solution.

How many clothes do think it is reasonable for a boy to have? How much did/do your sons have at that age? AIBU to cull them without really telling him (can guarantee he won't notice).

kaid- I'd rather he selected his favourite things to keep and decided what he doesn't want to keep. He will be unable to do this, I can tell that with certainty already. I have sat with him many many times, talking him through (with visuals) the concept of stuff you want to keep vs stuff that's rubbish, we have sorted through piles of stuff together, but he never seems to be able to work out how to do it alone.

I think there are two separate upbringing issues here: getting your child into good habits of personal hygiene, cleanliness and grooming, and getting your child into good self-care habits. I work on the premise that I cannot teach self-care if the child doesn't actually know what good personal hygiene and grooming are.

Anyway, my DSSs certainly don't have time to do their own washing.

Bonsoir it really doesn't take a long time to bung a load of washing in the machine to run overnight- maybe 5 mn to gather it up, shove it in, and set the machine. I'm not even really expecting him to hang it up on the line which he doesn't have time to do either (out of the house 8am-6pm most days). He knows the theory of hanging up washing from doing it at weekends and holidays. The only other part of the process I expect him to do is put his clean laundry in his wardrobe from where it has been folded into a neat pile in the laundry room. I hardly think that's beyond the whit of man or boy either, yet it routinely ends up stuck under his bed rather than in his wardrobe (which he has to walk past to get to his bed).

He has always had some major organisational issues both at school and at home- he can't seem to think clearly when there's too much stuff/detail around. My major worry is that he not learning strategies to overcome this at the moment.

Maryz_ that's what I was thinking if doing! D'you reckon it worked well? Is your Ds missing anything he dumped? Mine would not even remember it, can guarantee .

Also, d'you think 3 weeks is an ideal time frame to suggest? That would give him enough time to do a couple of loads without running out of anything (eg crucially pants or socks).

Put the dc's clothes in big plastic binbags and store them somewhere. I eventually did that with the mountain of clothes on dc's bedroom floor (and told her I'd done it), having washed the ones that needed it. The two bags are still unopened 2 years later.. but at least I hadn't thrown them away. Having said that she's just accumulated more clothes. Where do they get their money from?

crystal my ds has never bought a single item of clothing- he just got lucky. DD1 buys a lot of things from Primarni .

According to my ds if you can still smell washing powder on it it is still wearable.He must have a super duper nose because all i can smell is socks!

I make my 5 and 8 year old DSs put their dirty clothes in the basket. They also "make" their own beds.

I mean, how hard is it?

Simple rule, clean clothes in the closet, dirty ones in the basket. Bed q quick tidy in the morning.

if you teach em young, it'll become a habit.....I hope.

Also, I feel responsible for raising the next generation of DHs! I do this for my future DILs really

OP, I would just do a cull WITH him. And also, make him do this sorting out himself.

Chandon- that's lovely while it lasts. My DS used to do things like that too.

I was happy to do my children's laundry when they were teenagers, but the rules were

If you want something washed put it in the laundry basket - I don't do scooping clothes off the floor.

I don't do last minute emergency laundry - I won't stay up late to wash dry and iron clothes that should have been brought down several days before. If it's last minute, they had to do it themselves.

I wouldn't 'cull' their clothes - entirely up to them how much stuff they have. (usually when they get a serious girlfriend, she will do a lot of culling - especially 'bought by mum' underwear )

Duchesse my ds is the same re organisation He is dyspraxic and we have been told to make him practice these life skills!

Rather than take his clothes away, which is totally treating him like a small child, I would tell him in no uncertain terms that you want him to clean up after himself in your house.

It's not rocket science, you've obviously taught him over the years what kind of behaviour etc you expect from him and no doubt you've taught him other life skills.

Why is teaching him this any different? Surely you don't want him to become one of the 'useless husbands' so many MNetters complain about?

noddy- I am convinced that my DS has a similar educational/learning problem of some description but he's always operated well above average at school so it's never seemed a pressing issue to have it investigated. Since he manages on the whole to overcome it educationally I figure that he will also manage to overcome it in other areas of his life when he sees the point of it.

I've got news for you
Boys are reluctant to move out, and if they do they have the habit of coming back!

I have four sons all in their 20's living at home. The washing is a family effort as much of it is done as to the type of items being washed.
I do have however 2 washing machines which helps with the sheer volume and never, never iron for anybody!

I thought that too but he did very well when he was allowed to type his exams.The disorganisation has been much more problematic for him since he left school and started 6th form.

My ds room stinks most of the time! I think it is all the manky clothes as all the bedding is changed and the room really cleaned weekly and I open the window when I can face going in there!Any magic solutions to the smell?I have a carpenter coming to build shelves in there next week and I think he'll need a gas mask

At 17 both sons were doing their own washing but the reality of that statement needs to be qualified. DS1, who was always organised, could be relied upon to put clothes in the washing basket and get the contents to the washing machine. He couldn't cook though. Toast and tea being his upper limits.

DS2's corner of their bedroom was a pig sty although most self-respecting pigs would have refused to occupy that space. It was impossible to tell which of his clothes were clean or dirty since they all lived in a crumpled pile. Strangely, he looked very nice when going out but I've no idea how. Going off to university seemed to work wonders and of course, he wasn't a soap dodger (quite the opposite), just a useless manager of washing. He was, and is, a fabulous cook though and very capable of running a house. I'm not sure he's 100% trustworthy with his washing, mind, even now.

At 14 I'd still been prepared to throw clothes out but at 17 I took the view that this was their responsibility and certainly since I didn't expect them to be culling my wardrobe, they deserved equal respect.

That's not to say that the job doesn't need doing and I did find that a "managed" sort out, with the culprit worked quite well. I realise that the OP has done this before but it is almost certainly worth repeating. If necessary, regularly.

DD1 is 17 - I was fed up of seeing her drawers overflowing and piles of stuff that wouldn't fit into the wardrobe. I think she couldn't see the wood for the trees, so I got her to take out everything and pile it on our bed (so it wasn't in her own space and she could think more clearly) - long sleeve tops, short sleeve tops, jackets, shorts, etc. When she saw how much of any one type of item she had she found it easier to pick out her favourites, and dumped the rest in the charity clothes bank at the supermarket. She's getting better at sorting herself, but I think that if you look at the same stuff everyday you become oblivious to what is blindingly obvious to anyone else.

Hope that helps!

I found that, rather than putting things away, dd would just dump everything, clean or dirty, in the laundry basket for me to wash.