to give you some tips on dealing with PIL??

[Salmotrutta]

Here are some things that work for me:

1. Never allow racist/homophobic satements to go unchallenged .... if you do, they will think you agree with them.
2. Actually, disagree with any rubbish they spout because if you don't they will think you share their mindset.
3. Be prepared for the fact that they may talk sense sometimes .... if you agree with them, say so!! It doesn't hurt and you gain some "points".
4. Remember, they are the grandparents of your DC ... sometimes this gets lost in the grand scheme of things.
5. Remember that "your house, your rules" is almost an actual law. Do not compromise on this.
6. Stand your ground if the battle is worth it .... don't sweat the small stuff, but let battle commence if it really matters.

These are the rules I have developed when dealing with my mad challenging MIL and she now knows when to back off. To the extent that she says to DH "Your wife is in a "No" mood.

Could I add, try to keep a sense of humour. Try...

Or move abroad so you only have to see them on Skype.

You sound like an inflexible bully OP

My insistence on ALWAYS following your rule no.1 led to some very interesting moments in our house! But you know what, you're right. I actually think that FIL eventually got the point of some of what I was saying. By the time he died I actually liked the old bugger.

The op doesn't sound like a bully at all - she talks sense!

OP much respect for establishing - "your wife is in a NO mood" that must have taken yeas of courage and determination

Bully? How could those rules be used to bully someone?

OP sounds like someone who is standing up to bullies.

Um! could these rules also be reversed.

They could also apply to overbearing DIL's

people are entitled to have different opinions but they should try to be kind. The above rules are fine for people who are straightforward but not so easy to apply to the passive aggressive. Don't have any trouble with the PIL at all now - the MIL has tucked his ashes away in the shed - under the junk.

I am most definitely not a bully - I used to take a lot of what my domineering MIL dished out, then go home upset.
I then gradually developed a backbone and started to stand my ground.
After nearly 30 years now we have reached an even keel.
And I'm not inflexible - I just don't wish to pander to selfish people.