To not let the neighbours children in my house next time

[startofnewterm]

My DS had a school friend for tea yesterday after school. I also have 3 other children, so the house was slightly chaotic but I didnt mind.

Anyway, ten minutes after arriving home the neighbours 2 children knocked (with no coats on, in the rain) asking if my children were playing. One of the children is in my ds's class and obviously knew that the friend was going to be here. I know that what they really meant was "can we come in"?

I politely told them that we were just about to eat so they headed off back home. But, 15 mins later they came back. I felt really mean because they were stood at the front door asking what everyone was doing and asked it they could come in, I ended up letting them in.

The thing is, their mum knew we had one of ds's friends for tea. My ds does sometimes play with neighbours children but this is mainly in summer when they all play outside, not in the house. And neighbours children also have friends from school for tea, but when they do I wouldnt dream of letting mine call round (unless they'd been invited and it was summer so they could all go in the garden).

My mum thinks I am too soft and should politely say no if it happens again (which I'm sure it will). But I dont know if I could be so mean.

I should add, that I dont particularly like this boy as he is rather bossy and aggressive, but during the summer, they do tend to play alot together in the garden.

Would it be unreasonable to say no next time? And if not, what should I say? Just a simple no?

You say no, you don't have to give a reason, but if you want to you could make up any number.

Eating dinner, busy, no not this time you can see DS another time.

did your kids want to play with them? If not, or you didn't want them there, then a firm no should do. Just say too much in the house, wait till simmer when they can all play outside together.

yes you should say no

just because they ask does not mean the answer must be yes

they are children you are the adult say "No, maybe another time" and shut the door on them

Say no next time. It would not be unreasonable. You don't have to entertain half the street just because they feel like it. It was rude of them to come back after the first time TBH but perhaps you should be firmer like "No they have a friend over tonight so they aren't coming out to play, goodnight." If you don't set your boundaries, they will walk all over you.

Could it be the case that your child has told them to come round because the other friend is going to be there as well? I'm guessing the neighbours know this visitor from school as well?

I remember my brother inviting everyone in his school (very small school about 30 people total) to his birthday party. My mum was not aware he was having a party. Until she saw 30 children getting off the school bus at her house...

My next door neighbours child does this every time my daughter has someone else round to play.
Inevitably they can't decide on a game to play with 3 of them and one of them gets left out. The girl next door never wants to join in what the other 2 want and she has on occasion sat in my daughters bedroom on her own sulking.

I have made it a rule now that she can't come and play if someone else is here.

This happens to me too. Neighbour's kid has come over every single time we have had anyone else to play since we moved here. I said he could come in the first time and it was a disaster so now I say no everytime. Doesn't make you feel good though does it? But it can't be nice for the playdate who is expecting to play with your child to have to share them.

Thanks for your replies, I guess I'm going to have to toughen up a bit and say no.

The thing is, I actually think its the parents who are out of order here. Obviously the children are going to want to come round when they know other kids from school are here but, if the other parents know that (which they did) then I think they should have stopped them from coming round so that I wasnt put in that position.

I feel so uncomfortable about it (and the neighbours kids are rather hard faced and cheeky enough to keep doing it) so I may have to try to organise it next time on a day when I know the neighbours children are in after-school club or at sports practice.

I'm too soft, I know that.