to not go to the hen night?

[sofaqueenie]

A friend of mine is having a hen night in a few weeks. Well, I say a friend, she's turned into more of an aquaintence (sp) we don't really see a lot of eachother nor do we phone and text. Both our partners play football for the same team, so we see eachother down the pub, at the match, etc.

So, she's going away for her hen night and wants me to go. And if I'm honest with you, I don't want to. There's a lot of factors involved really, but it's more to do with the money. We're staying in a hotel which is £40, plus spending money for drinks and then more money as she wants to go shopping.

I also don't want to spend a night away from home. I don't like doing it, and I just want to be here with my one year old son and my husband.

My problem is, she will get really really huffy with me if I don't go. I explained to her about the money, and as I'm a SAHM I don't have anything at all, I don't feel comfortable asking my DH for it as he treats me enough.

She then said to me that it was my choice but I should make the effort for her as she's getting married. (She didn't make an effort to attend my sons 1st birthday but that's a whole other story!)

So, should I go, grit my teeth and bear it. Or just say no - something I'm not too great at doing!

I despise hen nights. Just say no, sorry, I can't go. If she gets huffy, she gets huffy.

Tell her no and you'd rather go to the wedding, can't go to both. I'm with Tee - would rather poke sticks in my eyes than go on a hen night.

Just stick to your guns and say no.

My stepdaughter got married recently and quite a few had to drop out of the hen night for financial reasons, and she was fine about it.

Its not like she is your best mate either.

Say no - it is your choice and you can't afford to go and don't want to go.

Don't go, you have a good reason not to. If she goes in a huff its her problem not yours.

YANBU. You're not good friends but she's so precious she thinks her hen night is more important than you.

Yes, just say no, you can't afford it. You do not need to 'make an effort' because she is getting married, she sounds a bit bridezilla-ish to me.

Don't go if you know you won't enjoy it and can't afford it.

But, I'm sorry, 'as I'm a SAHM I don't have anything at all, I don't feel comfortable asking my DH for it as he treats me enough.' - are you not a partnership - money and all? I was a SAHM for a long time - everything was and still is 'ours'.

Tell her to piss orf.

I wouldnt stress about it. She is obviously putting pressure on you to go as she is having trouble getting a decent number. I don't mean that in any disrespect to you! But if as you say you're not really that close in the first place, why is it such a big deal to her that you go. If shes that huffy, then she probably doesnt have many friends. If she's not understanding enough of your situation, she's not worth having as a friend

If you really don't want to go then don't and just tell her she is BU to demand people spend money on her thing. However, if you actually WOULD like to go I think you need to have a chat with your DH about money. Being a SAHM does not mean you have nothing. You share the income of the person who is earning the money because you are contributing to the household by providing childcare that would otherwise have to paid for. It is not about him "treating" you. You are entitled to a measure of independence and say in how the money that belongs to yuor family is spent.