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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think friends DP is an absolute knob?

28 replies

renlovesyou · 14/02/2011 21:56

We have just had a baby son, just before xmas. I asked them and their son over for dinner on saturday - I dont think he likes coming to London at all tbh, they live in Essex. Its not far but he thinks the area is bad (North London)

He was on a downer the moment he walked through the door, I had to make all the effort to talk, he barely spoke to my DP (hes turkish, and this guy doesnt like 'foreigners') My baby son was in his vibrating bouncy chair and he asked me if Id attached my rabbit to it. Then his son had a temperature, he asked me to feel the kids head to check and when I said would you like a thermometer, he said "Dont be stupid, I dont need Michael Fish to tell me its raining outside". Im sure these are all jokes but from the tone of voice I was unsure. I acted like he was joking anyway although the vibrator one really wound me up.

He asked me randomly if I was the one he was having the arguement about God with. I said no, not me... er... why, would he like to talk about God? He said no. Thats fine. And said no more Confused

Its all very strange. DP has suggested that this guy just doesnt 'get' me/us as we would probably be regarded as alternative to this man. Hes very into mainstream things and not really able to talk about much else. (He asked me where I buy that weird music from, when I said HMV he was shocked they sold such music.... It was Pink Floyd. Hmm)

He just called to apologise for acting 'off' and blamed being tired (yeah I have a 10 week old and Id just spent the evening making him dinner!) but it was clearly because my friend made him.

AIBU to think this guy is an absolute dickhead? I wish I could tell him so too, but I dont want to upset my friend. GRRR!

OP posts:
IWantToBeAFairyWhenIGrowUp · 14/02/2011 22:02

YANBU - he sounds a bit strange. However, he apologised so he must have realised he was being a dickhead as well.

Angry about the rabbit comment on your behalf though.

squeakytoy · 14/02/2011 22:05

The fact that he rang shows a little credit to him.

Perhaps he didnt want to come, and he got forced to by your friend. No excuse for rude behaviour but you dont know what was going on before they arrived I suppose.

FabbyChic · 14/02/2011 22:08

Unfortuantely you are not going to get on with everybody. It's just one of those things, you clearly aren't his type of people.

Such is life, no need to worry about it, just don't invite them again, and spend time with your friend on your own.

cheapskatemum · 14/02/2011 22:09

Well, if he doesn't like "foreigners" he's a racist, so wouldn't have houseroom from me. Well done to you for putting up with him - cringe at the rabbit comment.

coldtits · 14/02/2011 22:11

Did he ever take cocaine?

Because his behavior screams cocaine.

Original poster
renlovesyou · 14/02/2011 22:12

We had a long conversation re 'foreigners' before I met my partner, and he wants to send home anyone not British by 10 generations. Which would include sending home my dear friend of spanish origin!!! We dont agree on that at all, and he wont mention it again in front of me. Perhaps he has some issue with that still? Knob.

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CityGirls · 14/02/2011 22:47

There's nothing worse when one of your friends gets together with a complete jerk. You wonder what on earth they see in them!
Sounds like this guy isn't really on your level.
Weird comment re the 10 generations though.

AnyFucker · 14/02/2011 22:57

Just don't invite them again

If you are very keen on his wife, socialise with just her

You don't have to put up with such nobbishness in your own home

Original poster
renlovesyou · 14/02/2011 23:01

I feel very bad for her as i could see her cringing, which is why after he called, i text her to say there was no problem etc. She obviously knows hes a knob, she doesnt need trouble with her friends too.

DP says i should stop thinking about it, but this man really angers me sometimes!

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Tryharder · 14/02/2011 23:08

I once went out with a guy who, when we were invited to visit my best friend and her DH, was rude to them. I was appalled and ended the relationship shortly after.

Yes, you may well not be his kind of people but you don't have to best friends to be polite, sociable/friendly and enjoy a nice dinner.

How long has she been with him?

Original poster
renlovesyou · 14/02/2011 23:30

About 4 years I think. Hes younger than she is. I think she tolerates more than I ever would.

I wont invite him again.

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 15/02/2011 00:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katey1010 · 15/02/2011 01:32

I love the 10 generations thing! I would have to chop myself up into at least 4 bits and send them to different countries. Maybe some people are pure something but not most of the families I know. Some parents would have to send their children 'back' to somewhere without them (in the case of mixed heritage people). Kill him with logic next time, what a plonker.

complexnumber · 15/02/2011 03:37

I think the rabbit joke is pretty common after the Sex and the city episode. I've seen it on here before now.

EmmaBGoode · 15/02/2011 04:24

He just sounds a bit socially clumsy. The fact that he apologised is good, I think. I would put his behaviour down to nerves and get over it.

lisianthus · 15/02/2011 06:17

How on earth is Pink Floyd "alternative"? Does he only listen to Elgar or something?

MissyKLo · 15/02/2011 06:33

He sounds Like a real ignorant little idiot - not surprised you don't want him round again. Give him the cold shoulder. If he is so pure in race how come he's with your friend If she has Spanish roots?! How come she is with such a racist little git?!

EmmaBemma · 15/02/2011 07:03

Do you really need to ask some people on the internet if this guy was acting like a dickhead? Wouldn't you have known what to think, otherwise? Seems a pretty open-and-shut case of dickery to me.

QuintessentialShadows · 15/02/2011 07:36

The most mindboggling thing about this thread is that that it appears you have known this man for longer than you have known your dh, and that you know he is a racist, yet you still invited him to the home you share with your foreign dh! And you cooked him dinner!

Forget him, he is clearly a dim, ignorant little shit. I agree that your friend probably would prefer to meet you without him, but dont let her know what a nob he is.

toddlerama · 15/02/2011 07:44

Has he behaved like this before? Calling to apologise suggests it was out of character. If he was genuinely a dick, surely he would have just refused to apologise regardless of what your friend wanted because he wouldn't know what he was sorry for!

emmabemma dickery is now part of my vocabulary. I will find a way to use it in speech today. Grin

toddlerama · 15/02/2011 07:45

Sorry, just realised he was spouting racist twaddle before this. Any chance it isn't a view he holds, but is repeating ? I wouldn't want to lose a friend over something like a stupid partner in case they are on the verge of splitting - if she's got no friends left she wont do it!!

DizzyKipper · 15/02/2011 07:49

He called Pink Floyd "weird music"...I thought that was mainstream Grin

KaraStarbuckThrace · 15/02/2011 07:51

Don't invite him any more!
Yes he had the grace to apologised but I bet he only did that after his DP tore strips off him.
I think your DP sounds remarkedly restrained, he must have felt very uncomfortable with this man's racist views.

I guess I'd better start packing my bags too.. my Dad is Spanish and my maternal gps are Irish Grin

Original poster
renlovesyou · 15/02/2011 09:07

My DP is a very strong character, he wouldnt have felt uncomfortable at all. He'd have just laughed or given an intelligent argument, which this guy cant do. I think the racist stuff is from his dad actually.

emmabemma Of course I was aware he was a vague idiot before. I wanted MN confirmation that he was a total, unadulterated, rude, ignorant, blithering buffoon.

The apology was out of character, but hes never been so openly rude before, so this time warrants it perhaps.

(On the Floyd stuff, hes called me and DP grebo's for listening to such stuff. I dont even know what a grebo is...)

OP posts:
Original poster
renlovesyou · 15/02/2011 09:09

Thank god for urban dictionary!!!

  1. grebo
A blanket term used in Birmingham, England to describe goths/skaters/alternatives. Generally used by pikeys (kevs and shazzes), trendies and others, in disgust.
OP posts: