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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pick him up?

15 replies

choceyes · 14/02/2011 20:56

Today DS (2.3yrs), me and DD (6 months) took the bus into town. As a treat we went without the pram so that we could go on the upper deck as I knew DS would love it and he's never been before. So he did. He loved it so much that he didn't want to get down from the bus.

I had to drag him away from the bus in the end and he ended up being hysterical about not being in the bus anymore and threw a right old tantrum in the middle of the bus station. I tried to placate him with biscuits etc but no, him was inconsolable.

So what else could i do? I just left him to it and just walked along with him when this woman started shouting at me saying why don't I pick him up and can't I see that he's crying?? I pointed out that I had DD in a sling in front of me to which she said "well that's your problem!" and then I said that he's been crying for awhile now and does she expect me to carry him for that long a time. I yelled at her said if she's that concerned why don't she pick him up herself? To which she replies "Bitch....something or the other" and walkes off.

I've been having a tough time dealing with both DC today and this had me in tears. Was I unreasonable not to pick him up (I don't think it would have helped as he kept saying mummy go away), or was she being unreasonable? What would you have done?

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 14/02/2011 20:57

No, I think the "I'm leaving anyway" fake-out is really effective at that age. It would ahve been more effective if that silly cow hadn't interefered.

YANBU

FabbyChic · 14/02/2011 20:57

You couldnt pick him up could you? You had a child in a sling, albeit I do think it is a bit much to expect a child of 2.3 to walk very far.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 14/02/2011 20:58

were you dragging him along the road? or walking along expecting him to walk along following you? or had you stopped walking and were waiting for him to finish his tantrum?

SlightlyTubbyHali · 14/02/2011 20:59

No you were not. He is two and can walk. Sometimes tantrums need ignoring. Sometimes you have to just get walking - the child will follow too - it's not as if you're going to actually leave them behind.
I would have done the same (as you can tell), although I wouldn't have invited the loon to pick my child up...
Don't fret. You're fine.

BusyMissIzzy · 14/02/2011 20:59

YANBU, it's none of her business how you deal with a tantrum.

Beamur · 14/02/2011 20:59

I think poking your oar in like that and then calling someone a 'bitch' in front of their kids is pretty appalling behaviour.

As for what I would have done, I suppose I try to make it clear to my DD what is going to happen next, but as your DS is only 2 that may only have limited effect.
Sorry you've had such a trying day!

nenevomito · 14/02/2011 20:59

I've let mine tantrum on the floor. I've hoiked him up under one arm as he kicks and screams.

YANBU. She was.

OhForBoonessSake · 14/02/2011 20:59

what exactly was her point about DD in teh sling ebing your problem?? was she suggesting you shouldn't have been carrying her?

KazBarTheFriendlyGhost · 14/02/2011 21:00

What a cow (not you OP) I'd have gone mental!!

Sounded to me like a tantrum, and the nosey woman had no right saying anything to you at all!

OTOH Perhaps going down to his level and trying to talk him out of it would have helped...

I'm not sure about how I would've handled the tantrum but I'm damn sure I would not tolerate some woman butting in!

Original poster
choceyes · 14/02/2011 21:01

No not dragging him along. just stopping for him to catch up and walking along towards the shop telling him that we were going to read some books in Waterstones (which is where we were heading).

Fabbychic - no it wasn't a long walk at all. Just from the bus to the shops. In Manchester city centre, so not far at all. It's not the walking that bothered him. He can walk much more than that.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/02/2011 21:02

I have walked away from several tantrums in public

Very effective if nosy parkers don't stick their oar in

thisisyesterday · 14/02/2011 21:03

hmmm well she shouldn't have been sticking her nose in unless she was well-meaning, which she wasn't. she sounds very unpleasant and you should try not to let her upset you

as for not being able to carry him...? ok, not for ages no, but I have carried ds2 plenty of times while I've had ds3 in the sling so it's not impossible. But that isn't really the issue is it

he is only little, did he have much warning that the bus was going to stop and you would be getting off?

I guess I wouldn't have walked him along having a temper tantrum tbh, i'd have probably just sat/stood nearby and let him get over it and then walked away

HecateQueenOfWitches · 14/02/2011 21:07

well then she was off her bloody rocker.

you can't pander to tantrums, or beg them to stop. god, I've stood and watched mine rolling round on the floor more times than I can count! (I never tried to walk them anywhere. Always stop and wait. look bored Grin )

If you weren't dragging him by the arm, off his feet, dislocating his bloody shoulder, then her butting in was out of order.

Original poster
choceyes · 14/02/2011 21:07

Maybe I was a bit harsh in not staying with him while he was upset. but I did try to placate him by offering him his favourite biscuits and telling him where we were going to. But it didn't work.

I have carried him while slinging DD too, but I don't think it would have helped on this occassion as he would have kicked me and DD too.

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 14/02/2011 21:10

if I might offer advice?

don't attempt to bargain with a tantrumming child.

it smacks of begging them to stop! please calm down and mummy will buy you a present.

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

calm. stop. ignore. wait.

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