To ask for my fertility monitor back?

[YankNCock]

I have a sort of delicate situation.

Last year, a friend of mine said she and her DH were going to TTC. They've had a rocky relationship, friend is nearing 40 and has all sorts of health problems which make conceiving quite difficult. They have also gone for periods of up to 2 years without sex and have been on verge of splitting up a few times.

But friend seemed quite certain they'd agreed to TTC and was asking me about all the charting I'd done and I told her about the fertility monitor I'd used. It's basically just a BBT thermometer with an alarm and recorder on it, but it cost me £40 new and I was taking temps much more reliably with it than with a regular thermometer. I offered to lend it to her and she said she'd try it.

I think it was about a year ago I gave it to her and since then all mention of them TTC has stopped, the sex is non-existent, and they are having the same squabbles as before. Realistically the window is probably closing for them and given what I know of their history together I just can't see them ever having a child together (not that I've said this to her obviously).

Now DH and I have agreed to try for DC2, and I'd really like to start charting again. I've tried with a regular thermometer and just can't get back in the hang of it again.

Would it be very unreasonable of me to ask for the monitor back from my friend, or is it going to come across as 'hey, quit kidding yourself, you're not ever going to have a child!'?

Fuck. It probably is unreasonable, isn't it. I really really don't want to rub our TTC in her face. I'm out £40, aren't I? I suppose the friendship is worth it though.

I'm aware it's an oral thermometer and I wouldn't want to use someone elses.

I'm with zip zap + would be surprised if it wasn't sitting unused in her drawer but giving it back would be admitting giving up

A1980, why though? do you take your own cutlery to restaurants too? I cant see why there would be any issues with using someone elses thermometer?

You can clean them, you know!

Haven't read all of thread but is it a Persona?

< Remembers being accused by DH of using it to minimise sexual congress when ttc >

Got one on the 'secret' shelf in the depths of my wardrobe; you can have it, if you like .

I don't know. I just wouldn't want to. I know it's irrational but whatever. It's hardly an issue as it doens't affect any of you.

A1980 how does having frequent sex demonstrate ovulation? You could try to conceive unsuccessfully for months and not know difference between a timing problem, a sperm problem, an implantation problem or lack of ovulation. Silly me for forgetting that getting pregnant is so easy!
Yank if you lived a bit closer to me I'd offer to share thermometers! (Maybe mr.cock too..?!)

A1980 how does having frequent sex demonstrate ovulation? You could try to conceive unsuccessfully for months and not know difference between a timing problem, a sperm problem, an implantation problem or lack of ovulation. Silly me for forgetting that getting pregnant is so easy!
Yank if you lived a bit closer to me I'd offer to share thermometers! (Maybe mr.cock too..?!)

I don't think it will be bad to ask for it back. You lent it to her,(a year ago!) and need it now for yourself. I'd say something like "Guess what? :) I will need to get my thermometer back, dh and I have decided to try for a baby":). Lot's of happy smiles, so maybe she will focus on you instead of her own situation. Good luck to the both of you.

A1980- having unprotected sex every couple of days would not confirm if you are ovulating or not. I find your post quite insensitive tbh. People can have all types of problems and not everyone conceives with ease you know.

OP- I would just ask her if she is still using it.

For everyone who wouldn't want to use an oral thermometer after someone else. It can be cleaned you know! What do you do at restaurants? Take your own glass each time you go?

Hmm, well I wouldn't actually ask if she was still using it (the fact that she's not might be quite sensitive to her and not something she'll appreciate you bringing up!) I'd just say that me and htb are giving it another go, please can you give back my monitor. It is yours, £40 is quite a lot of money, you've every right to expect it back.

I would just buy another one. There's no way I'd ask for it back.

I would ask for it back. When we were trying to conceive we used a basic kit from Boots. About £15 I. It turned out after a year of trying dp had a low sperm count. When we saw infertility specialists they basically told me to stop using it as it was just creating more stress. However, I think it your case it could be useful so just ask for it back.

Hi YankNCock...

I have a boots one upstairs. I used it exactly the same as you did, for the same reasons - far more conveneint when you are 3/4 asleep, retains the info, allows you to upload it to a website.

Its a boots one, it probably needs new batteries but I can send it to you..

I really really appreciate the offers from WhatsWrongWithYou and Bathsheba! It is a Boots one I have, tried to get one used on ebay last night because I am still waffling about asking for it back, but gave up bidding at £18. Also friend now lives 3 hours away and would have to wait until we are down south again, and that's not likely to be for another month or so.

Bathsheba, I will PM you, if you really think you wouldn't want to sell it on ebay I would be very grateful and would like to at least pay for postage and maybe a few quid extra?

Iggi, at sharing thermometers AND MrCock. He'll be blushing to hear he's being pimped out.

Why wouldn't you ask for it back? . It's yours, you lent it to someone, you now need it back.

its yours and you need it. just say that you are TTC and can you have it? she can get a cheaper fertlity thermometer from boots for 12 pounds if need be.

You don't need to wait until she is down south again, just give her the money for the postage and her ask her to send it asap.