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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About friends fionce (sp?)

46 replies

EenieMeenieMineiMo · 14/02/2011 16:15

One of my oldest friends fionce has just come out of prison.

AIBU for not wanting to be seen or assoisated with him as I know that some dangerous people are after him now.

Seriously considering not going to there wedding now aswell.

OP posts:
HopeForTheBest · 14/02/2011 16:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on request of its author.

curlymama · 14/02/2011 16:58

I think considering what he has done, you are right to not want to be associated with this person. I don't think I could be in someones wedding pictures after they have scarred someone elses face for life.

Your friend will have to realise that if she has associted herself with someone that is capable of such a horrible crime, then she only has herself to blame if she loses friends. It might make her wake up a bit and see what sort of person she is marrying.

If he was involved in some sort of crime that didn't directly harm anyone, I would stand by what I said earlier about trying to maintain a relationship with your friend while avoiding him. But he has caused too much harm for that by the sounds of it.

ENormaSnob · 14/02/2011 17:09

Yanbu

Grandmar · 14/02/2011 17:29

It might be wiser to stay away.

NearlySpring · 14/02/2011 17:37

I personally wouldn't feel safe for the time being spending time with a man who has:

A. Greviously harmed another person using a weapon and

B. Got "people" after him. Who knows who they are or what they are capable of doing. Being gunned down mafia style sounds crazy, but nowadays it's actually a very frightening and real possibility.

Also to whoever said "Bet he's a GRASS" if it wasn't for grasses many dangerous people whould still be walking the streets.

DuplicitousBitch · 14/02/2011 17:41

it would be hard not to look nervous when they cut the cake tbh

StuffingGoldBrass · 14/02/2011 17:46

He doesn't sound much of a catch for your friend. However, it's one of those universal principles that when a person is released from prison s/he has 'paid for' his/her crime unless it looks like the person is unreformed and going to do the same thing again. Do you know that this man doesn't regret his crime or that he is still involved with criminal activities?
If you genuinely think there is a risk of violence spilling over into your life then it's not at all unreasonable to stay away - though you should explain how you feel to your friend rather than just dropping her.
Is your friend naive, or a rescuer, or just desperate for A Man In Her LIife? Because it may be the case that she needs support or if not that, some straight talking from you.

Flojo1979 · 14/02/2011 18:01

I'm surprised u want to stay friends with someone who wants to marry someone who is in to drugs and slashes faces. I'd tell her shes crazy for sticking by him, 3 yrs too late i know. And get the hell out of there. Maybe losing all her friends is the reality check she needs.

SharkSkinThing · 14/02/2011 18:05

Drugs? Who has drugs? Where, where?

SharkSkinThing · 14/02/2011 18:08

Aren't you just a little bit tempted, though, to go to the wedding?

Just to see what it's like? Just make sure you leave before it all kicks orf, Eastenders style.

QuintessentialShadows · 14/02/2011 18:09

oh, I bet it is going to a wedding like in Harry Potter, plenty of death eaters making mayhem.

SharkSkinThing · 14/02/2011 18:13

Or My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.

Sorry, Eenie, I don't mean you or your friend in that statement, but as you don't like him anyway...Grin

And I am taking your dilemma seriously. I don't know what I'd do, just keep an eye on my friend and make sure she's ok with it all.

Original poster
EenieMeenieMineiMo · 15/02/2011 13:52

Ok thank you all for ur input.

Think this came up because its a friends birthday at the weekend and there are 4 of us going out for a girly meal and This friend I am talking about wants to bring her OH.

OP posts:
Leverkusen · 15/02/2011 13:57

Hm don't know what I would do.

DP's bro is a criminal... CRIMINAL. Yeah anyway he has been in prison a few times, drugs related every time, and there is a genuine risk that when we are in the same house as him someone will come with a gun and take all our money since he owes them so much.

Hooray for families and all that. Hmm

JeelyPiece · 15/02/2011 13:58

If there are people who want to harm him they're more likely to do it at his home or somewhere like a pub or other place he is known to go to regularly (from my professional experience, not personal!). I'd avoid hanging about with him if I were you on the basis you wouldn't want to be there if anything happened, not that you are particularly likely to be physically harmed although it couldn't be ruled out.

Even if there wasn't a threat against him, YANBU to want to associate with someone who has a conviction for violent crime.

BettyCash · 15/02/2011 15:31

yabu

CalamityKate · 15/02/2011 15:37

Actually it's fiancé [smug]

loopylou6 · 15/02/2011 15:42

Yanbu and I don't get why people are taking the piss Hmm (although the cutting the cake comment made me giggle)

Original poster
EenieMeenieMineiMo · 16/02/2011 11:06

Betty care to explain your yabu??

OP posts:
AboardtheAxiom · 16/02/2011 11:10

He wants to come on her girl's night out with her? Hmm

How is her relationship with him? Why is she marrying him? I would be having a frank discussion with her, but that's me, I can't keep my mouth shut.

Original poster
EenieMeenieMineiMo · 16/02/2011 11:48

I think its more she wants him to come tbh.

OP posts:
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