VDay: AIBU to not get why some women/men do this?

[HeathcliffMoorland]

My sister and her DH agreed to no Valentine's presents this year.

She phoned me this morning, quite cross that he had got her nothing.

She had got him nothing either.

AIBU to be completely baffled?

(Put in the /men as I'm sure this behaviour isn't restricted to females).

Nope, you are not being unreasonable and they should both grow up and start to say what they mean and mean what they say.

Daft.

If you want something, say you want it. Just because someone's married to you doesn't mean s/he's telepathic and can tell that on this occasion 'I think Valentine's Day is a load of tosh' actually means 'Buy me three dozen roses or no oral sex for the rest of the year'.

It is weird. People do this about Christmas presents as well, or on dates where the woman offers to pay/go halves then gets offended when the offer is accepted!

Why would you say the opposite of what you mean, then be upset the other person didn't read your mind .

You see, the problem is that she's bought into the mystical notion that her DH is supposed to be her "other half", her "soulmate", so in tune with her thoughts and feelings that he should have known that she actually wanted him to buy her a present anyway. And now she's miffed because he isn't psychic after all....

yep my dh will be 'literal' about this too (and I know that and won't blame him for it)

We have agreed no presents this year as we want to stay in a hotel overnight next week.

I have still bought him a card and some venus lips/nipples chocolates from the posh chocolate shop Rococo. - because I ordered them before we 'agreed'

I will, however not be bothered that he won't have bought me anything as have agreed - and I will get to eat some of his chocs

We have agreed no presents, no cards. So I have bought no present, no card. I expect to receive no present, no card. It's not rocket science.

DH does this in reverse. I detest VDay and state every year that I don't want a card, present or meal and DH agrees. But every year he buys a card just in case I get pissed off that he hasn't. I will never get pissed off at the lack of a card but he doesn't believe me.

LOL Gwendoline - sounds like the kind of thing my DH would do.....would have a back up/just in case card!

To answer OP, YANBU to be baffled. It confuses me too.

We didn't do presents and cards today either which is, funnily enough, what we had agreed a few days ago.

It's a test. One partner says "oh no dear, I don't want anything for valentines" but the other person is meant to read their mind, know it is a test and get them diamonds, chocolates and flowers. Otherwise they fail the test and clearly don't love the other person enough. And as a bonus the first person gets to be a martyr about it. "Aahh poor me, my OH doesn't care about me." Daft!

We had a chat on Saturday.

Me: Are we doing our usual for Valentines this year?
Him: What, completely forgetting that it is even the 14th and not bothering at all.
Me: Yup.
Him: Ok.

Luckily we do both mean it.

I'd be more cross if we'd agreed no cards and he got one anyway.

Mixed/misleading messages always lead to disaster.

YANBU.

YANBU. 'Tis stoopid. DH and I don't do Val's day and we're happy with that.

I'd be pissed off if I didn't get a Christmas present though

YANBU, your sister is being idiotic.

We agreed cards but no presents this year, and that is what we've stuck to.

"You see, the problem is that she's bought into the mystical notion that her DH is supposed to be her "other half", her "soulmate", so in tune with her thoughts and feelings that he should have known that she actually wanted him to buy her a present anyway. And now she's miffed because he isn't psychic after all...."

Really? She really actually believes this, and so tells him the opposite of what she means just to reveal her own lunacy test the depth of his attunement???

If someone is your "soulmate" why are you lying to them by saying you don't want a present when you do?