To feel guilty for yelling?

[Flojo1979]

Ohhh where to start...
I've convinced myself i'm utterly useless and cannot cope, to the point of thinking my kids would be better off without me (no not suicidal, just better off :(
My DS is 5 and a crier, this morning i packed him off to school with barely a good word between us, hes so gentle and sweet and such a ditherer than i end up yelling at him, not just a quick yell but nag nag nag, negative negative negative then off he goes and i come home close the door and cry. Convinced that this constitutes emotional child abuse and that hes better off without me. Then i pick him up all smiles and then something else happens (normal kiddy silly behaviour) and off i go again. How did i get stuck in this rut? what happened to all my positive parenting? And how do i get out of this cycle?

You're not a bad mum, just some days take a bit more getting through than others! When I feel that I'm coming to this point, I go into another room,sing a verse of dancing queen to myself and then all seems bit brighter! :o if you want him to speed up a bit in the morning, how about star chart/marblesin a jar to reward him, so he can aim for something? :)

i feel the same sometimes.

Id suggest lowering your standards of what you expect of your child in the morning. have 3 things you want to have achieved for example they put their own coat on, finish their toast and carry thier own school bag.

I'm going to go the other way here.

I'm not sure what you're doing is so bad at all.

I mean, positivity and the like is all well and good, but sometimes things just need doing NOW.

I think you need to be easier on yourself.

Children are resilient. As long as you acknowledge good behaviour and aren't neglectful, you're doing fairly well.

Flojo, you sound just like me atm! Ds1 is 5 too and I just constantly seem to be saying 'no' or 'don't do that' or 'come on, hurry up'.

I agree with Gleek & Knitted, I've tried to ease up a bit and not come down on anything he does. We started a reward chart so he would get himself dressed in the morning, that worked and is a big help now! Also, rather than letting him sleep until late, we get up at around 7am so we have time to get dressed, have breakfast etc, and its not so stressful.

hth, you're not a bad mum at all, I think trying to fit everything into the mornings is just very trying

Flojo I am quite like this too, usually when we are getting ready to go somewhere, even when it somewhere he really really likes his messing about can drive me nuts, and I also feel so so guilty. I make sure I balance it out by being quick to praise to when he does do things quick and follow my instructions.

I regularly promise myself to stop shouting at my DS however, I do agree with Heathcliff to an extent as some things are time sensitive and are not negotiable.

BUT I am always trying to correct myself and keep thinking there must be a different way to get him to do as he is told without me getting all worked up.

Thanx guys its really nice to know i'm not going completely mad. I just keep promising myself that next time i wont shout or be neagtive as this often doesnt get things done any quicker, it just leads to him crying and becoming hysterical and still not getting his shoes n coat on etc. We do the reward thing etc, but i just need to retrain myself out of this knee jerk negativity.
Tbh, i think i'm a bit of a control freak and get stressy when things aint clockwork and its like u said i need to lower my expectations and learn to just relax but i'm finding it much easier said than done and just feel like if i carry on all my DS will remember is mum shouting alot and grow up hating me. I'm not usually such a worrier but recently (sleep deprieved) keep feeling very alone and fretting.

Kids are very resilient and are used to how their parents are....
Some of us are shouters...although beware because later on they just take no notice!!