to resent call on DH's time/income?

[frostyfingers]

DH is a plumber, luckily he's busy and is working hard for all of us. He is now in a sticky situation and I have to say I'm a bit pd off with it. I probably a BU but I'm still pd off!

His local church, of which he is a regular attendee has decided that it needs some work done which includes plumbing. This has been mostly led by one person,but it has not been before a committee or officially voted upon. He has been in touch with various people,including DH, who agreed that he would be able to help a bit. Since that discussion the project has now gone from a bit of tidying up, and moving a pipe or two,into a complete refit of a whole area, including a kitchen. A letter was given out yesterday letting people know what was happening and when, and thanking those who have offered help, and of course ...... for giving his plumbing expertise free!

DH has looked at what they want to do, and estimated that it will take 3 days. Now this means that if he does it, he will lose 3 days of income, and possibly have to put paying customers off in order to fit in with the timescale announced by the "project leader" It can't be done at a w/end as that doesn't fit with the other "volunteers", and it isn't something that can be done piecemeal in the evenings either.

So, does he go back and say "hang on a minute that's not what I agreed on" and look mean and uncharitable, or does he go ahead and lose the income?

What does HE want to do, OP? That's the issue.

Does he have to do it alongside the other volunteers?
Could he talk to the project leader and explain that he is booked up during the week, but can do the work over two or three weekends?
I imagine he will be a valuable team member (plumbing isn't something that everyone can do) and as such he must be allowed to call the shots to a certain extent.

He feels stuck between a rock and a hard place - his general sense of "doing the right thing", ie, job for free is battling with his business sense. He feels that if he doesn't do it, then they'll be huffy with him - sort of emotional blackmail I suppose.

I've suggested that he makes them aware of what 3 days work would cost them, or what he will lose if the does the work for free and see what they say to that.

I totally see where you#re coming from and don't think YABU at all, but I would say that it will bring good publicity for his business within the church community if he does it.

Can he offer the church special rates? They must understand that he can't turn away 3 days paid work to help them.

Can't DH just tell them "unfortunately I am busy with pre-booked jobs at the dates/times you have given, and I cannot let me existing customers down. I am happy to help at (this time) for (this many hours)."

YANBU, total emotional blackmail. If he does decide to do the work, he should make sure it's at times that suit him, whether that means putting out a few other volunteers or not.

I'd get him to put the ball back in their court.
He should tell them that he really wants to help out but that taking 3 days away from the business during the week will cost him £X which he just cant afford at the moment, however he has been able to clear several weekends coming up and will be happy to do the work over those weekends if they can arrange the other volunteers to fit in with that.
Then its up to them whether they'd rather rre-jig the timings or lose out on the free plumbing.

How about something along the following lines:

"Dear pushy church person

Unfortunately, whilst I would have been able to fit in the work we originally discussed (ie the fitting of x and moving of y pipes) to the timetable you have outlined, I am unable to fit the major work you now plan in during the same timesscale.

As you are aware I work full days, and have a full diary for the next x weeks. Whilst I would have been able to fit in the intial job on a day when perhaps a job had finished early, the one you now plan will take 3 days of my time.

You will appreciate that, in the current economic situation, I cannot put off paying customers who have had their bookings with me for some time. Not only will that let them down (as they might have other work planned around my visit) but they may choose not to use my services on subsequent jobs.

I would be able to do the work for you and suggest one of two options. Either I could do the work on x, y and z - I know that this is at the weekend, but you will understand that as I work, this is the only time I really have available for volunteering. However, if you really need to get the work done during one week, I would be prepared to offer you a discounted rate. This would be on the basis, you understand, that if I was not doing the job for the church, I would be able to offer customers that time as available."

The other volunteers have to fit in with him as much as he does for them, so it is not unreasonable at all for him to say he can only work certain days and hours without incuring a significant finacial loss. He could tell them that if the only way the job can be done is for him to work during certain hours that he will charge a nominal fee.

Even charities have to pay for services, that's waht they fundraise for and churches are no different.

Your dh has every right to stand up for himself and his family. They might get huffy with him, but he will feel huffy with them if they take advantage, which given the chance they will. His feelings are just as important.

Don't underestimate the power he has in this situation, if they can't get the work done for free without him, then he does get to call some shots.

One thing confuses me a bit - was everyone asked about when they'd be available? They seem to have decided that the work can't be done at weekends as "that doesn't suit the volunteers" - even though your DH is a volunteer and seemingly can only really do weekends. Or did he agree to what he thought would be a few hours whenver required and now its expanded dramatically. If he's had the chance to steert the timings and not taken it then I would think it was his own fault to a certain extent.

I'd go with Tallulah's approach. He's got a valuable skill that they need and which he's prepared to offer, but expecting him to turn away 3 days paid work for the priviledge of helping them out is not fair. Its also a way of making it clear just how much money they're saving without asking them for a penny.

Courtesy of B3ta www.shouldiworkforfree.com/

Great advice - thank you. Love the "dear pushy church person" mistle, and that link Acekicker.

I'll show DH this thread - I think the general approach that he needs to explain what he's likely to lose and see what they come back with is a good one.

Tangle - it was originally a small (couple of hours) job that DH agreed to do during 1/2 term - he was planning to take two dc's to help, but it has morphed into a major building project......

The problem is that I'm not overly fond of the church generally and was concerned that my feeling were colouring my "argument", and although DH does feel awkward his general good nature means that he would be inclined to do it for free.

The instigator of all this is retired and seems to think that as DH is self employed he can do what he likes when he likes......which is true to some extent but there are still obligations to be met.

Thanks to your fine words we shall go back to the irritating old man, with nothing better to do lovely retired chappy and negotiate a better arrangement!