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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to feel that there are too many childcare 'experts'...

16 replies

mindthestep · 14/02/2011 10:56

...bombarding us with (often contradictory) advice all the time?

(Apologies if this topic has already been done to death on here - I'm new! I couldn't find any current/recent threads on this subject, but if anyone could give me a link, I'd be most grateful.)

OP posts:
NerdyFace · 14/02/2011 11:00

I agree with you on this!

Even as someone without children I can see the INSANE amount of "Qualified Experts" shoving 80 different techniques down peoples throats!

I still think the "SuperNanny" is sexy though....Blush

TheArmadillo · 14/02/2011 11:03

so many jump on the bandwagon.

I just ignore them all tbh.

Can you blame them though - some of them are raking it in.

SnapFrakkleAndPop · 14/02/2011 11:06

Define 'expert' Grin

Childcare/childhood/early education is a huuuuge field and very often one which is contested.

If, however, you're talking supernanny style I agree.

boldredrosie · 14/02/2011 11:11

Are we talking about tiger mums here?

BaggedandTagged · 14/02/2011 11:31

YANBU but I reckon the reason so much advice is contradictory (Baby Whisperer vs attachment parenting vs Gina etc) is that most techniques probably work if you apply them really consistently which is why you have to pick one that suits your personality and your child otherwise the consistency bit isn't going to happen.

Therefore if you thrive on chaos and have a really hectic schedule with different things to do every day and then try to do Gina, you're not going to manage it and you'll say "this doesnt work. what a shit book"

Conversely, if you're a first time mum who likes routine, you might well succeed (assuming baby plays ball) and say "this is the way forward"

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 14/02/2011 11:41

The number of childcare 'experts' is no doubt in direct relation to the number of overly anxious/needy parents desperate to be told how to raise their kids by someone else.

Or if that is too cynical, the number of parents trying to do the best job they can to raise their kids and who aren't afraid to look outside themselves for some helpful advice. In reality, probably a bit of both.

Also, people (parents AND kids) are so very different there is never going to be a one size fits all guide - so there is room in the market for lots of different styles.

You don't have to read them/subscribe to them you know. Trust yourself, listen to you instincts and trust yourself (plus a bit of MN advice comes in very handy too from time to time)

BaggedandTagged · 14/02/2011 12:07

I wonder if parents are getting more anxious partly because life outcomes are becoming increasingly polarised.

e.g. today the Telegraph reported that the top 1% of earners pay 25% of the income tax. This is significantly higher than a generation ago- e.g. the rich-poor divide is growing. The middle ground is being eroded.

sims2fan · 14/02/2011 13:22

I always take what people say with a pinch of salt, as often they have no relevant experience to make them 'experts.' I work in education and know of one expert who advises primary schools on various matters despite the fact that she is a trained secondary teacher and before then had never worked in a primary school. Someone else advises schools in the area about reading and writing in the early years, despite the fact that the class she had previously taught had the poorest reading and writing skills the school had ever had. I also know someone who was once on tv held up as a 'parenting expert' when her 3 kids are naughty, rude and ill mannered, and when I've seen her with them she delights in being around other people so that she doesn't have to deal with them. So I don't take too much account of what some experts say, unless it's advice that is common sense or comes from extensive research etc.

chandellina · 14/02/2011 13:24

it's just like any other part of life - there are religion/faith experts, philosophers, psychologists, politicians, educators, business people, etc. who all want to tell us how to function.

MaryPortasFan · 14/02/2011 13:26

sims2fan- same here! The mum of worst behaved teenager at our school teaches parenting classes...

TheFoosa · 14/02/2011 13:31

well, I'm an expert on my child, I'm sure you're an expert on yours!

GabbyLoggon · 14/02/2011 14:34

your headline is probably correct...there are too many so-called child "experts" making a fast buck on TV, especially.

P_lease dont apologise it needs saying.

cheers "Gabby"

mindthestep · 14/02/2011 19:47

Thank you so much everyone.

BaggedandTagged - I do see your point, but I also wonder if perhaps mothers are becoming more anxious at least partly because they are bombarded with so much conflicting advice from all these 'experts'? And because there is so much pressure to be the perfect mother?

I've just been reading posts in other threads from mothers saying that trying to follow one or another of the umpteen childcare-experts' methods nearly destroyed their confidence in their ability to be a mother!

I should perhaps explain that I am only a step-mother - I cannot have children thanks to a beastly illness. When I became a step-mother to three super teenagers (husband is older than me), I read a couple of step-parenting books, neither of which told me anything terribly helpful, tbh.

The only good thing was that my step-daughter caught me reading one of these books, and thought it was very sweet that I cared enough to study the subject. She gave me a hug and said "But you don't need to read this stuff - you're doing fine - we love you!"

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 14/02/2011 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mindthestep · 14/02/2011 22:28

Very fair points MadamDeathstare. I do agree that it's better to have a variety of sources of advice - and yes, one can choose not to follow their methods.

I suppose it is all the constant media hype surrounding these gurus and their theories that makes it rather difficult just to ignore them.

But as I said, I'm not a real mother, just a step-mother, and my step-children were already teenagers when I married their father - so my concerns are really only based on talking to mothers of small children, not on my own experience.

Still, almost all of the mothers I know seem to feel under a lot of pressure to be 'perfect mothers', and a lot of guilt about somehow failing to provide the best possible childcare. I just can't help feeling sympathetic and concerned for them.

Where do you think that this pressure to be supermum comes from? Maybe I'm wrong to think that the 'experts' are contributing to this?

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 15/02/2011 00:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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