Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be scared and confused?

22 replies

Jojo1983 · 13/02/2011 20:54

Hi this is my first ever post so please go easy on me and it may be a long one so I'll say sorry now.
Anyway I found out I was pregnant 5 weeks ago it wasn't planned, my OH wasn't thrilled with the prospect of becoming a dad and we argued a bit.
Last Thursday we broke up and he told me that he wanted nothing to do with the baby. Spent Thursday and Friday night in tears but tried to remain calmish and stress free.
Today I received a call from one of his mates telling me my exOH had been in an accident and was in a hospital up London for a brain injury, this causing me to break down in tears.
I don't know what to do I still care for him I still love him! But his parents didnt even think to call me to let me know about the accident yet had the time to call his mate!
Now I have finally spoken to his mum and she informed me that visiting is only for family so I'm not even allowed to go and see him!
He has been put under sedation for at least three days to give his body and brain time to rest and heal so I know that I wouldn't be much help but still want to see him.

Sorry bout the long post I just dont know what to do.

OP posts:
stoppinchingthedummy · 13/02/2011 20:56

oh gosh how awful :( His parents should have contacted you if they know you have been in a relationship with him ...Maybe you should ring them and tell them how u feel ..that your pg with their grandchild and although there ds has hurt you of course you still care about him ...sorry not much advice hope he is ok.

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 13/02/2011 20:57

:(
Just curious, do they know about the pregnancy?

scottishmummy · 13/02/2011 20:59

welcome.and sorry for your troubles.what a tumultuous time you have had

you could try call ward staff and ward dr about ex progress and prognosis.explain you would like visit.have his parents said you not to go.hosp visits dont disbar partners

let your gp and mw know your circumstances so they can keep eye on you and baby,as stress may mount for you

thats a lot to deal with

take care

hope ex condition stabilise and all becomes clearer,longer term ask about his prognosis and rehab options (if required)

crystalglasses · 13/02/2011 21:00

Does his mother know about the pregnancy?
It might not be the best time for you to visit him if he needs calm and rest because you don't know how a visit from you would affect him, however why don't you get his friend to keep in touch with the family and give you some progress reports so you're not completely out of the loop. you could also send a get well card and some flowers to show that you're thinking of him. Once he's well enough he may want to phone you so keep keep the communication channels open through texts and phone messages if that's what he wants. I think you need to put his needs before your own at the moment although it must be very hard, bearing in mind that you are pregnant and need some nurturing of your own.

Catnao · 13/02/2011 21:01

God, I'm so sorry. This is awful. One of my partner's colleagues has suffered a brain injury (stroke at 33 years old) just before Christmas and it's desperate for all invoved - he has a partner and they were getting married in the Summer and have a shared home, although no children yet.

Maybe his mum and dad have just been so distraught that they haven't thought to call you - do they know you are pregnant? All best wishes to you and yours.

lumpybananapuree · 13/02/2011 21:06

How awful for you and him and his family. Its a very frightening time & people don't know what to do or say.

Are his family aware of the situation between the two of you? Do they know you'd split up and that you're pregnant? Try to see it from their side. They probably don't know what to do for the best & will be worried out of their minds.

This will sound quite cruel but he had said he didn't want anything to do with you or his baby. His family are probably just carrying out his wishes. You need to focus on yourself and your baby. Make the family aware that you want to be kept in the loop but don't push things. The ward won't be able to give any information over the phone because of patient confidentiality.

I hope things go the right way for you all & good luck with your pregnancy

Original poster
Jojo1983 · 13/02/2011 21:07

Hiya
Yes they do know that I am pregnant they were the first people we told.
I understand that he needs calm and rest but I just feel so helpless and want to see him to give him a kiss and tell him it will all be fine.
scottishmummy I have my first midwives appointment on Thursday so will be sure to let her know.
I feel responsible as he was out with his mates yesterday watching the rugby and had a few to drink causing him to fall down the stairs hence the brain injury, all I keeps thinking is maybe if we were still together he wouldn't of drank to much or stayed at my house and therefore wouldnt of fallen down the stairs.

OP posts:
Catnao · 13/02/2011 21:10

As above - if I can help in any way do let me know by message - I probably can't but am very willing to listen?

Catnao · 13/02/2011 21:12

Oh crikey Jojo just read your post - it is not your fault at all - just one of those things; you need to believe that!

scottishmummy · 13/02/2011 21:14

jojo,tragic accidents happen,wasnt your fault. dont beat self up with what-ifs.it wont help and will just increase your pain

yes good you have ante-natal appt - let mw know your difficult situation

you could call his ward,ask speak to ward manager explain the situation. ask about how he doing.what options are they considering etc

prior to this how did his family treat you?was it a good relationship

not making excuses but accidents and stress can cause people to be introverted ad close ranks - this cam manifest as family business

Original poster
Jojo1983 · 13/02/2011 21:22

Catnao Thank you I dont think it helps that I am very hormonal as it is think this has just tipped me over the edge a bit.

Scottishmummy I think i'm to scared to call the hospital incase they mention it to his family and they take some form of offence to it. I'd like to think I had a good relationship with his parents when we were together, We dont live together yet I spent half the week at his house and his parents were always nice to me and buying me presents and stuff.

OP posts:
Boohooyou · 13/02/2011 21:25

jojo that's an awful situation for you, really hope he's ok.

Just wanted to say though that even when he is fit and well and he still decides to split up, then you and your baby will be ok.

My ds's father left me when pregnant and me and ds are incredibly happy.

I hope he is ok though and you manage to patch things up.

scottishmummy · 13/02/2011 21:26

send his parents flowers and card,and indicate you want to visit her son

acknowledge their sad news
but also gently but firmly that you wish to visit him

ward staff are used to dealing with stained and difficult personal relationships. i would call the ward manger,briefly explain your situation.request visit out with visiting hours so you don't clash with family visit

ChippingInAuntyToThomas · 13/02/2011 21:29

Jojo - you should ring the hospital and see when you can go and visit. Tell them you are his gf and you are carrying his child.

Of course you still care about him etc but don't let this cloud your judgement about your relationship - you can't get back together because he has had an accident. Bear in mind that he told you he wanted nothing to do with the baby you are carrying.

I hope he makes a full recovery.

Original poster
Jojo1983 · 13/02/2011 21:32

I know that he wants nothing to do with me and the baby and I can deal with that. Just want him to know that whatever happens from now on in I still care.
Thank you all for your kind words they mean so much to me x

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 13/02/2011 21:35

who is supporting you jojo?who's in your corner

Original poster
Jojo1983 · 13/02/2011 21:40

Scottishmummy I have a wonderful group of friends who are helping me out and a great group of friend at work and a lovely boss who is giving me light duties (I work in a nursery with a group of up to 18 2-3 year olds)!
Other than that it feels like me and bump against the world!

OP posts:
Catnao · 13/02/2011 21:41

Please do send me a message if you want a totally non helpful but supportive ear - I know that my partner's friend is really going through it, but she has good family support. Anything we can do, please let us know. Cx

scottishmummy · 13/02/2011 21:44

you need to prioritise you needs to,as horrid as this is.you have your own and baby health to consider

work is a good distraction, and dont bottle stuff up. no stiff upper lip.confide in gp/mw and pals

better oot than in,i say

oh and congratulations on your pg and best wishes for you.whatever lies ahead,take care of yourself

Original poster
Jojo1983 · 13/02/2011 21:50

Catnao I might just very well take you up on that offer.

Scottishmummy I am trying and beleive me im not one to bottle things up lol

OP posts:
Catnao · 13/02/2011 21:54

Honestly, do. I prob can't help, but I can listen if you like.

tethersend · 13/02/2011 22:00

Jojo, what is it you think you could have done differently?

It seems as if it was his decision to walk away...

New posts on this thread. Refresh page