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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have got cross about early flowers?

44 replies

undercovamutha · 13/02/2011 16:55

I think I probably am, and I feel pretty terrible. I wish I'd kept my mouth shut tbh.

Been out all day doing traumatic fun things with the DCs. Popped to supermarket on way home. Saw DH getting me some flowers (presumably for Valentine's Day), but turned a blind eye and pretended I hadn't.

Was expecting him to hide them somewhere and present them tomorrow. However, we got home, DCs were fighting by front door, mud was being walked into the house everywhere, we were in the middle of bringing about 10 bags of shopping in, and DH chose this time to thrust said flowers in front of me, still in tesco's carrier bag.

I(authomatically, and somewhat ungratefully) exclaimed 'but its not even Valentine's Day yet!'. Being slightly perplexed as to why Dh would have chosen this particularly fraught time to give them to me. DH has now got all upset and said he doesn't know why he bothers, he was just trying to be nice, and he never gets anytime to himself to sort things out secretly.

Now I like to think I am a grateful kind of person. Unlike some people I know, I have no problem being given supermarket flowers rather than flower shop bouquets, and I don't care what type of flower, and I don't expect a huge romantic gesture. However a day early, by the front door, with shopping in hand, and WWIII breaking loose seems about as unromantic as it comes.

DH is now in a big strop and I am foreseeing a very miserable 24 hours ahead..... AIBU and very ungrateful?

OP posts:
northernrock · 13/02/2011 17:53

YADNBU!!
He shoved some flowers at you still in a Tescos carrier bag??
A day early (if you "do Valentines" this does matter I reckon), and with the kids fighting, whilst unpacking shopping.

I can't believe the responses on here!
So, let me get this straight-you are supposed to be pathetically grateful by this, frankly lazy and not very thought about gesture of romance?
I'm sure he is a decent bloke but for fucks sake.

I bet you had got him a nice card, written something sweet in it etc, which you were planning to give him on the 14th. And maybe a pressie. Right?

I just don't get all this "aw, bless. He's just a bloke. Count yerself lucky you didn't get a slap in the chops with a wet kipper" etc etc.

Are you not entitled to expect a bit more than that??

Once again on these type of threads I realise how completely out of step I am with married laydees!

Raise your expectations wives!

MumInBeds · 13/02/2011 17:56

He was being practical, why waste a day of them being in bloom by hiding them away?

That said I am one of the least romantic people going and I'm not a big fan of flowers so I probably don't think along the same lines as most women.

diddl · 13/02/2011 18:04

Well I don´t really see the point in hiding flowers that had been picked up with the rest of the shopping, but I think he could have picked a better moment to hand them over.

In fact, could he really not have picked some flowers up on the way from work tomorrow?

northernrock · 13/02/2011 18:06

Exactly diddl. He could have given it some thought.

Original poster
undercovamutha · 13/02/2011 18:09

Tbh honest, I did think this diddl. There's no reason he couldn't have picked some up tomorrow after work.

OP posts:
belgo · 13/02/2011 18:11

You do sound rather ungrateful.

Valentine's Day is not supposed to cause arguments.

My dh bought me a cake from the bakery today, I'm so glad he did because tomorrow will be too busy to enjoy it.

amidaiwish · 13/02/2011 18:16

i can see both points of view here

he was out shopping, saw the flowers, light bulb on, bought them, pleased with himself he didn't forget

but then he couldn't really hide them could he? they'd be dead by tomorrow if left in a bag in a cupboard... so he just handed them over, cos valentines day, well it's a bit corny isn't it and we shouldn't fall for the retail hype?

so it came across as half a gesture, which it probably is and unless you're really into valentines day (i'm not though i don't want it ignored!).

glad you've made up, honestly it's not worth it if he makes an effort for the things that matter. i'd be more annoyed if dh spends a fortune on some overpriced bunch from a florist tomorrow.... much rather a bunch of tulips from tesco.

RunAwayWife · 13/02/2011 18:37

YABVU.

I wont be getting anything from DP tomorrow as I am not important unless I marry him Hmm

diddl · 13/02/2011 18:55

Will just point out that I´d probably have rather had a half thought about bunch of flowers today than what I´ll probably get-which is nothing tomorrowSad

Haven´t seen husband since Fri morning as he has been working away so he won´t have had time to get anything-and he does usually leave it until the last minute.

northernrock · 13/02/2011 18:57

Thats it. Never getting married. Nope.
(Not that anyone has asked me lately Grin

diddl · 13/02/2011 19:06

Just thinking again about buying flowers on the way home tomorrow-giving the choice between that & what your husband did, OP, my husband might do the same as yours.

Reason being I then wouldn´t get the flowers until about 7.30 on Valentines Day, whereas this way I´d have them all day.

FabbyChic · 13/02/2011 19:06

I don;t know why he bothered either, some women get nothing, you got flowers, how ungrateful are you?

Original poster
undercovamutha · 13/02/2011 19:13

Tbh if my DH was generally romantic and thoughtful, then I wouldn't mind. But these are the first flowers I have had since last Valentine's day, and I guess I just would have rathered have them when I could have appreciated the gesture.

I have admitted BU, but I can't help thinking it was all a bit of an afterthought. I'm not hugely romantic either, but have still put a lot of thought into a lovely card and a DVD that I know DH will love. I don't give to receive, but surely there's nothing wrong with feeling a bit disappointed. My mistake obviously was to verbalise that disappointment!

OP posts:
mitochondria · 13/02/2011 19:13

I bought a box of "Valentines" chocolates at the supermarket because I was doing the shopping. They were for both of us. We ate them last night. Have drunk the "Valentines" wine as well.

I think some people make a bigger deal out of it than others.

Your husband probably won't bother next year.

80sMum · 13/02/2011 19:17

Flowers? I've forgotten what they look like! Just be grateful girl! at least he tried. Smile

googoomama · 13/02/2011 19:19

You don't get anything at all when your husband has left you. He was trying his best I think. Keep things in perspective :)

googoomama · 13/02/2011 19:20

Us single mums would call this a "luxury problem" btw.

Greeninkmama · 13/02/2011 19:22

My ex once left flowers for me on his desk - I had to pop into his office for something the evening before Valentine's.

I was really annoyed I had seen them and just assumed that he had done it by mistake - left the flowers there and wrote him a note saying 'Is this supposed to be a surprise?'. As it turned out, he had done it deliberately as a nice surprise for me, thinking I would be pleased. I still Blush when I think of how horribly bratty I was.

DH and I decided not to do Valentine's this year because it is such commercial nonsense and we are frantically busy with work. My idea - and now I am Sad. Really would like a bunch of flowers, supermarket or otherwise.

cupcake001 · 13/02/2011 19:36

I got two bunches of flowers! Dp wanted to hide them at our neighbours but she wasnt in, he tried So hard to hide them behind our big plant, hoping i coulnt see them! Bless, oh btw i got two because one are for valentines and one for my birthday (on the same day), cant wait to find out what else he has got hidden away!

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