Re. baby's sleep, am I or DH BU?

[strawberrycake]

8 month old DS has been unwell and his eating/ sleeping is royally messed up. I've never had a routine as such but similar times of the day he naps in his cot.

While he was ill and after DH has had more time off with him than normal and has been back in the habit of rocking him to sleep in his bouncy chair. It's the easy way to make him sleep, totally fuss free lounging on the sofa with one foot bouncing it.

Now he;s getting better DS is getting back to the point where this is the only way he'll sleep in the day, plus his night time sleep is messing up too.

I've been walking ds round until he's tired and keep putting him down to settle in his cot. He's crying a lot, I pick him up, calm him, then try again. Ad nauseam. He's finally asleep.

DH has been treating me like I'm an evil witch for distressing him and keeps telling me to bounce him in his chair. I know this will be fairly instant calm BUT he's 8 months (9 in a few days) and (hopefully) won't fit in a bouncy chair much longer. What do we do then? Plus I feel we're causing him distress by teaching him bad sleep habits and he's sleep-deprived if I go out with him and upset in the day a lot.

PLUS.

He's only been drinking milk at night. He used to have 0 or 1 bottles but now has 3 at night and none in the day. They're about 3 oz each. DH is arguing that he's been ill and we should let him eat when he wants and I'm wanting to starve the underweight baby. I feel we simply need to somehow shift bottles to the day to help him sleep again. He's unsettled as sleeps less. Plus it seems he's getting to the point where he can only settle with a teat in his gob. I don't feel this is great. I offer water at night, if he persists I then give milk if nothing else will do. IT's about 50/50 if it does or doesn't. DH says we should take every chance to get calories in that we can, I feel he won't eat anymore, we're simply feeding him at the wrong times.

oh it is miserable when the kids do this! I had the same bouncy chair problem with one of mine but at bedtimes I put it in the cot, dosn't. I got round it by putting the chair in the cot at bedtime. It does not matter if it touches the mattress because it is soft. We had a babybjorn chair though which is rated to 2 yrs and it was brilliant - might be worth a look on ebay.

I can't help re the milk i'm afaid. Are you using hungry baby formula - might get a few more calories in and settle a bit better.

YANBU. but your HV might be better to discuss this with as she can look at his weight gain & advise you if it is essential for him to be taking this milk at night or whether you can reduce the milk.

sorry should have said re the chair in the cot - it kept the baby used to the idea of the cot and in a while I was able to move it out, first while asleep (tricky and needed two people) and then getting them to sleep without the chair.

I think 9 months is too early to be worrying about the long run and forming bad habits tbh. If he's just been sick and is underweight I would do whatever it took to get food into him. Obviously with bottles this is harder at night but I have friends who use the readymade cartons at night so perhaps this would be an option for you? Re the chair, if he goes to sleep in the chair can you transfer him to his cot/your bed? Babies will learn to self settle when they are ready and just because he isn't ready for it now does not mean that you are causing long term problems.

You are thinking long term, DH is thinking short term. You need to decide on which is appropriate now and how you are goin to address all the thInge you want for DS.

If he's taking milk that often in the night I assume you and DH are sharing out night duty.......

Wow, loads of replies thanks. I'll try not to ignore anyone.

-no readymade packs, he's allergic to milk and on Neocate. Other allergies too. Tbh I wonder sometimes if nightly antihistamines bugger up his sleep, but without them after a few nights he coughs himself awake all night. Also stops itchy eczema and subsequent itching. Blue inhaler too is needed. It's the lesser of two evils giving him them I find. Before he coughed until he vomited most night and coughed most the night.

-we semi co-sleep. He often winds up in with us in the middle of the night. I don't put him there in the evening as he can crawl so I wouldn't be able to leave him.

-HV beyond useless. One of these 'don't make a rod for your back' types. Happy to advise no milk in the night when all he was taking was 6-7oz a day, all at night. He was underweight before, I haven't been near her since he lost 1.5lb as she'd moan unconstructively at me.

-it's not the chair as such, it's the rocking. Buggy has the same effect. Problem with night sleeping in it is he can get out of it. When he's suddenly awake he's often confused and prone to falling out of it awkwardly. Just not safe, I'd find him head-first stuck between the chair and the bars if I put it in the cot. Or worse on the floor. Sleeps on his side in it so harness useless. Goes absolutely mad if ever flat on his back, even in chair.

-He's never quite what you'd call well and healthy, but he's ok in himself at the moment. I make allowances for him, I'm pretty soft, but I do need to sleep. If I waited until he was a normal weight etc. I'd be night-feeding until 4 at this rate.

Oh we share night duty but it's fairly pointless. He sleeps next to the bed so I'm hardly going to sleep through whoever sticks the bottle in him.