To be getting all het up about this!

[Gabyrale]

I'm currently 11 weeks into my first pregnancy and living with my wonderful OH in a shoebox in London. I mean it literally is about the same size as most peoples living rooms. We are intending to move before the baby comes but I am getting all worried because it's looking like we wont be able to move until mid to late April. We have a really really rough idea of where we can afford to move to but no definite ideas...The thing is that until I move I won't know which hospital I'll be at and who my new midwife will be and this is making me feel all unsettled. I am self-employed so don't have any fancy maternity package and my partner will be taking on all financial responsibility himself (that's another worry) so I already feel bad about putting him under any pressure etc. We are supposed to be going to a wedding in NY at the end of March that we can't get out of as it was all booked before I got pregnant so now Im thinking we will be all jetlagged and broke for the first part of April and the move is moving further into the distance every time I think about it. As I said before my OH is being wonderfully supportive but I don't think he understands how this is making me feel. He's not a mindreader obviously, should I tell him how i feel or just take a chill pill. Have people moved halfway through being pregnant and been okay? Will I be able to 'nest' in such a short period of time?
The other worry I have is getting onto a decent ante-natal class that will be local to the new place as well, apart from the shock of finding out that NCT charge, they are a charity and I assumed would be cheap/free a friend told me last night that she barely scraped into the last place in the last course local to her when she registered at 16 weeks
AIBU?

Jetlag wont last that long... lol!! I would see if you could get out of going though, if it is going to affect your finances. They are your priority.

Plenty of people move while preggers, you are just over-worrying about it all.

I would tell OH how you're feeling. Tell him you don't expect him to do anything about it, but he ought to be warned about your worries. I'm sure it'll all be fine, but I think you need to talk to him.

That doesn't sound like me
I don't even want to go to the wedding if I'm honest, I am so worried about money, but its all paid for already...

I moved at 7 months pregnant in July and it was 35°.

It was hard but in a way it was lovely - the new place was our family home whereas the old one was x-dp and mine iyswim.

The only thing I didn't experience was a change in hospital as the area I lived and moved in was smaller. If you know where abouts you'll be moving too could you not start your care with the MW who you will finish care with?

Congratulations btw

Hi you sound a bit frantic!

My dp was in the army when my ds was due, I left my small London flat for a tiny cottage in the country and a temp job and ended up pregnant.

He was going through an awful divorce, following a 2 year separation, I was told I couldn't have kids, but fell pregnant after living with him for 3 weeks - my whole life turned upside down.

The way to look at it is to try and relax. Otherwise you will regret enjoying your pregnancy and the early weeks as I did.

A baby only needs a few items to start off in life, where ever you live you can fit in a Moses basket and a few bits and pieces?

It is such a short time frame you will be back in work one day and you won't be skint forever.

It is amazing what you don't need to have in your life when you are not working I didn't spend half ad much money tbh.

Start planning and putting things aside now - deep freeze home cooked cheap meals, look on eBay for bundles and nearly new stuff.

Don't worry about NCT too much - I went to the free NHS classes, my bf went to all the NCT groups, she is in touch with hardly any of the women now, and all the planning went out of the window when she went into labour. She got most of her support from family as did I.

When the baby arrives it is hard for life not to be taken over, so why not stop feeling guilty and enjoy a trip of a life time couples holiday to New York - you have this chance just to spend some very special time together, I would savour it..

And if you are stressing going crazy then there is always mumsnet - advice is plentiful and free!

Regret not enjoying iyswim!

Ah, maggots, you basically just said everything my best mate has said to me, I do have a tendency to 'overthink' things, I have suffered from depression in the past and come from a long line of worriers I really just thought that everyone did NCT and that it was almost essential to do it, as a nanny all the mums I worked for had such lasting friendships with their NCT mates but I could always just ahem 'slum it' and go to a hospital one. I guess i could ask for a look round the hospitals that are likely suspects?
I AM enjoying my pregnancy however its just the money niggles that I need to iron out- I can live on a very tight budget as have dome before! I guess I should follow my own advice and take a chill pill!
Now I have discovered mumsnet I am addicted.

Is this emoticon new btw?

Yep you sound like a rational over thinker such as myself, but i have the gift of hindsight! I suffer from depression too, so I find writing lists of pros and cons can help. If you can answer each one you'll feel better. Write a list of things you feel you need to do and get your friend or partner to look at them. They will normalize it for you.

And don't feel guilty for making your partner do more, he wants this baby too!

Your friend sounds like she knows what she is talking about

I had a laugh with my dh in the NHS ones, there were some mad and very interesting people in them, a girl who was the spit of VickyPollard in dress and accent (but was dead sweet) who brought both potential dads to the classes! A totally ott father earth whose wife never uttered a word, throu all his bullshit - she wasn't going to take any painkillers, or chemicals, he managed a broken leg thorugh gas and air , he knew all about labour pains as he had been in hospital with a skiing accident etc, until she muttered "do shut the fuck up" in one of the classes..( everyone was sniggering)..and I made some friends waiting at the baby weigh Ins and the free baby massage classes and coffee mornings too. Plus they were a wide range of people from different backgrounds and outlooks who I may never have come across in my original bubble.

Enjoy New York - have some lie ins, amazing breakfasts and some "how's yer father"' while you can, and look for some cheap baby stuff out there!

Yes, it is new. Go and get one.

Firstly, moving in April will give you loads of time, and will be a great time for it as you'll be in your second trimester and will have a lot more energy than you do now.

Secondly, going to New York will be exactly what you need. This will be your last opportunity for a long time to go and enjoy yourself and your DH without being knackered and otherwise occupied. There will hardly be any jetlag involved with it being New York, and it will be brilliant. Don't worry about that.

Thirdly, just get yourself booked in with a midwife where you are and don't worry about changing. You might even be glad of a change when it comes to it, midwives can be a real pain!

Now let me tell you about our move.

We bought a house that needed total renovation about 250 miles away from where we were.
I was pregnant with twins, and had SPD, so took maternity leave as soon as I could, at 29 weeks. (Teacher, so quite physically tiring work).

We moved to near where the house is, to a friend's house.
I spent the next 2 weeks decorating and organising builders (tricky, with SPD and so heavily pregnant with twins to paint walls etc.) I registered with the doctor and midwife straight away, and they both saw me within a day or two.

At 32 weeks we had a scan that showed one of our babies had very sadly died. In that night for emergency CS the next day. 1 week in hospital for us (luckily they let DH stay as there was a bereaved parents room), DD still in NICU but we had to leave. Not emotionally ready to go back to friend's house, plus she didn't want the baby there when she came out (2 dogs, not the cleanest of houses). So, we left hospital, found a hotel (took a couple of hours, felt very Mary and Joseph!) for the first night. Went to Tesco and bought a steriliser (hospital lent us a breast pump, as DD was too little to feed without a tube).
Found a holiday cottage to rent, kept going to hospital a few times a day to hold DD, friends came to stay in cottage too (male friend fitted kitchen). Stayed for a week, then went back into hospital with DD to learn how to feed her. DH slept on the floor of our unfinished house (still no kitchen) as no more money for holiday cottage.

When we left hospital, another friend agreed to let us have her spare room (cleaner house, no pets, DD still very tiny and fragile). DH used his paternity leave and called in favours from all kinds of friends and family to get the house habitable. A couple of weeks later the furniture arrived and we moved in. House (19 months on!) still isn't finished, but is habitable.

My point here isn't to scare you, but to show you that, even of the worst does happen, you will get through it. Although it would have been lovely for the house to be finished and be all settled before coming home with a baby, it really was the least of my worries, and just seemed like a minor inconvenience, with arranging the funeral and everything else that comes with having a newborn and grieving.

Do what you have to do. It may not be perfect, but it will be fine. A move in April will give you plenty of time to get everything sorted and it will be lovely to have a new home for your new baby. Neighbours will be more friendly if they know you are expecting, which is a lovely way to start in a new area.

Good luck, don't worry, have a and enjoy New York (you lucky thing!

Oh, and NCT antenatal class was crap. I got my money back (because I could only attend a couple) but I really wouldn't bother, massive waste of money.

I didnt go to NCT classes. Didnt realise it was something I had to sort out myself til too late!

If I was you, I would stay put for now and worry about moving after the baby comes. It'll be much easier to do with a newborn than it would be pregnant, and a newborn baby wont take up much room in the flat :)

You are pregnant not sick. You are real early in your pregnancy and there is plenty of time to fret over the small stuff later on.

At the rate you are going you be a bag of nerves in a few weeks.

Stop worrying plenty of time to sort things out.

Hiya, I'm due on the 6th of march and we're having to move on the 5th of march (landlords selling the house, not kicking us out, could of left it til april but we decided moving before the baby was the best option) I know how your feeling about nesting, I've got all this lovely baby stuff that I cant arrange or really take out of boxes but think of it as having a fresh start for your baby and whole new place to nest in. The money stuff will work itself out, it always does, the best thing you can do is look forward to it and see it as exciting. Worrying won't do any good though its bound to creep in
xxx Congrats btw xxxx

NCT classes are for people who don't know about Mumsnet . Seriously, EVERYTHING you need to know is covered on here.

TBH I might think about delaying the move. In the newborn months, living in a small flat is actually quite convenient - everything is within arm's reach and you don't have to bother with stuff like mowing the lawn. Just don't buy too much stuff for the baby - go for the absolute bare minimum.

Also gets you out and about - I think it's much easier to get stuck at home if you are in a big place.

You are lucky you've got the trip to NY booked and paid for - I think it's a great idea to go on one last holiday as a couple - it'll be 2028 (!!!) before you do it again.

You've all been so sensible, I feel much better about the move part, but must admit, I think moving in April is better than moving with a newborn,. When I say tiny, i mean TINY - we live in one room that is 24 square foot, with a fridge and an electric oven in the corner and our bed is raised off the floor by 6ft so that we can have drawers underneath for clothes. There would be no space for a bassinet, let alone a cot... There isn't even enough floor space for me to lie down flat anywhere! I have been offered so many bits and pieces by friends but can't accept any yet as we are so cramped here.
Thanks, am actually feeling the most excited about NY that I have so far!
Loopy, it sounds like you had a truly awful experience and puts my silly worries into perspective, I hope everything is okay now. xx

We do have a shower as well - I do wash! Honest guvnor!

I'm glad you're feeling better. My initial thoughts were that April would be fine to move and as you'll be in your second trimester, it's the best time pregnancy-wise. I didn't start nesting until I was 8 months pregnant so you'll have plenty of time for that after you move.

I do remember the NCT classes were all booked up early and we went to the local NHS ones which were absolutely fine. My friend who also couldn't get in joined the NCT afterwards for the coffee mornings etc. I didn't because I already had a few friends and family with babies and also was using cloth nappies and had a good social network that way.

I would definitely go to NY if you can afford it as that's the sort of holiday you're less likely to have once the baby comes along. Don't worry about jetlag, NY is only a five hour time difference and you'll adjust very quickly.

Good luck with finding somewhere.