to think that babies grow up automatically..

[seeker]

...and many parents waste huge amounts of time, energy, tears and stress and make themselves very unhappy trying to teach them to do things that they will do naturally because that's what they are programmed to do?

But to give them "language skills" you just have to talk to them!

Not all children do you "just have to talk to them". DS1 is 3.4 and literally just starting to talk in 4-5 work sentences (a breakthrough). If he had been born 8 weeks previously, he'd be going to school in 6 months. I don't think his language would be at a level then to be understood (his pronounciation is still very unclear).

We started speech therapy nearly a year ago and have been making a hugely concerted effort to provide lots of 'easy to model' language for him to copy, not asking questions, commenting on everything happening etc. That said, even before then, I was always talking to him and am known to waffle on, so it's not like his environment has been in a 'box'.

I agree that we worry too much about things that do happen anyway (particularly the physical things and baby things, like crawling, walking etc). BUT, without worrying about things like language not seeming as developed as it 'should' be and just adopting an 'he'll get there' mentality, then we do get more situations of children starting school without being able to speak in order to be understood.

You need to talk to them, read to them, sing nursery rhymes etc, the type of thing that you would do naturally. They take things in when they are ready, you can't stop a DC learning and you can't make them before they are ready. Parents also need to relax and stop comparing.

yanbu, but you often dont realise this till its your second!!!

you're probably right

the pressures of being seen as 'a good mum' turns us all into blubbering wrecks lol(well some)

ah yes. Having DS2 (who is one on Tuesday!) has made me realise that I have very little input. If anything left to his own devices, he is more advanced than DS1 who had our FULL attention from day 1. He walk and talks and eats himself. Tis a wee miracle!

You are so right, i remember once with my ds (pfb) stressing about how i could teach him to drink from an open cup on his own as a baby. I remember thinking how the hell will i ever 'teach' him how to do it. It was only when he turned one and picked up my glass and had perfect control drinking from it that i realised you don;t have to 'teach' them

Yes - barring special needs or neglect/deprivation. Enforcing tummy time, flash cards, a million baby classes is totally unnecessary.

I'm not sure really. I always thought talking to my dcs lots and interacting with them would help them develop and dc1 developed fairly quickly (walking/talking etc) and dc2 is completely different (he sounds similar to your dc sheeplikessleep). He is only just talking in proper sentences and is quite hard to understand (he is 3.4yo). I'm so glad he is an October baby and has that extra time at home before school!

In my eyes they were both parented the same but they are completely different children. I'm wondering what my 5mo dc3 will turn out like now but I'm also a lot more relaxed about it too!

TSC, I would say that in your example, it is pure coincidence.

My dd was a little behind her peers, ds is very much ahead. I did not do much different with them, in fact probably gave ds less attention because he is no.2 but he is racing ahead. I doubt if it was anything to do with prams or me.

I totally agree, I feel that nowadays there is much pressure put by the Government on very young children to do things the same time and be the same when they are not, if they do not they must have a problem, not necessarily. Each child is programmed to do certain things at their own pace, some will do it early some late. I am dyspraxic, so I was delayed in a lot of things, I learnt do ride a bike at 6, not 3, learned to read and write much later, but still got there, had no support at school, only when I was at college was I assessed by and Ed Psych and got the help i so needed. However, I am not boasting but as an example I have a BA (hons) 2.1 and and Msc with Merit, not from RG unis but 2 degrees nonetheless. That is good from someone that would not amount to anything.

DD who is 3.11 is showing signs of dyspraxia and is under the Dev Paed, Ed Psych. Before all this, I was becoming stressed and exasperated as to why dd was so behind and was not wanting to sit down and learn with me like other children. The more I was getting stressed, the more she was and it was going in a vicious circle. Now I try and make learning fun, for example I will point to colours outside and get her to tell me, instead of a book, and will get her to count berries or leaves, instead of items in a book. I try to play I spy as well and make it though she is not learning when she is really. I will have to accept that like me dd is the way she is, and will do things when she is ready not when I want her to.

TSC I disagree, I talk for England, ever since dd was a baby I have read and talked to her, and so have dh. She has been around people that talk and in different situations. I continue to talk to her, read, but she has Speech and Lang delay.

But recent research has shown that in speech development the way that parents interact with their children does have a huge impact on the development of their vocabulary and understanding, so in this area parental input does make a difference.

Obviously if a child has signs of things like dyslexia then this is a different situation.

There's a chapter in the book nurtureshock that pulls all the recent speech development research together and looks at this. It also suggests that baby einstein dvd's are one of the worst ways to develop your child!

Well Gruffal dont know what else I could have done, i have done everything I could, I always talked to her, read to her, shown her love and affection. There is something wrong that is why we are seeing the Pead, I am certain that she has dyspraxia like me, the symptoms of which can be delyayed speech and lang. I had delayed speech and lang too as a youngster, now i cant stop. Research is not always foolproof, you cannot trust it 100%

I certainly didn't mean that there is something you should have done differently piglet and I think that research in these areas is always looking at how children generally develop. I know that research is never foolproof, and is always looking at generalisations, every child is different.

I think that when anything like dyspraxia is involved then development happens differently as the brain works in a different way doesn't it? My cousin has dyspraxia and that is what she's been told at her assessment (she's just been assessed recently at 20.)

I think that when you've obviously done all the right things, like you have, then it's just a case of the child developing at their own pace, and when there may be issues such as dyspraxia with the speech and language team teaching specific ways of supporting development in these cases.

I was more thinking of families where there is none of the input like the type you have made, which will have an impact on how the child develops compared to how they would devlop had they had that input.

I certainly hope you get all the support for your DD that she needs.

I think baring SNs and actual neglect then it doesn't make any difference whether you are just hanging out doing normal stuff, or whether you have them scheduled for busy days from birth.

I do a bit of both, both babies have enjoyed swimming from very early on so we do that, I go to playgroups so they can have a bit a different environment once a week and hang out with other babies/kids (and so I can eat cake and drink coffee and talk!).

But I have never been arsed with things like Monkey Music or tumble tots or Baby Einstein or anything like that.

DS1 is almost 7 now and doesn't seem to have suffered at all with not doing any of that stuff. DS2's development is screaming along, faster than DS1 ever did but I assume that is because of DS1 being around and playing/talking to him, so instead of 2 people to learn from he has 3.

He said 'Mama' yesterday, it was so cute...the first time. Soon it will be Muuuuuuuuuuuuuum and that is not so cute.

That's right gruffly, I was assessed as having that and dyscalculia at 19 for which I received funding for help through academia. My dd is seeing the dev paed and they are assessing her to make a dx, I can recognise the symptoms in her though, so hopefully she can get the help early that I never had and will not struggle at school like me. I did reach my milestones but they were somewhat delayed. But as an adult you develop coping mechanisms, even now I am so clumsy, walk awkwadly, and fall over sometimes.

'It also suggests that baby einstein dvd's are one of the worst ways to develop your child!'

Common sense should tell you that it would be! Poor little souls!

My DS is 2.5 months and I keep not thinking about potty training. If I carry on burying my head in the sand will he potty train himself?

One thing is for sure socialhandgrenade, he won't do it until he is ready.

He also, very sensibly, won't be at at impressed with the argument that James from next door was potty trained at 2 yrs!

I think you are right for the vast majority of children, seeker.

Unfortunately this relaxed attitude was the reason I missed my own dcs' SN- which meant we lost the chance for early intervention. But that is obviously an exception.

exoticfruits