to return to work after maternity leave when my baby is approx 5.5 months even though I could stay off longer?

[BarbieLovesKen]

Am just 24 weeks pregnant so this is maybe a slightly premature question but for various reasons I need to have a rough plan regarding leave decided on soon.

Im planning on working until exactly 38 weeks (as am in Ireland and legally, maternity leave must begin at least 2 weeks before expected due date.

Paid maternity leave here is 26 weeks and Im lucky enough that this gets topped up by work so I receive 100% pay for that 26 weeks.

A further optional, unpaid 16 weeks can be taken if needed/ desired plus accrued annual leave after.

Im just 5 weeks back to work after taking almost 14 months off with maternity (and sick leave for last few weeks of pregnancy) with now 1 year old ds .

I have received a transfer to a new department (that I really wanted) which is very much in its infancy, with just myself and boss setting up entire new structures - eventually hoping to get more staff. So far Im really enjoying it and new boss is an absolute dream. I transfered as I was severely bullied for a number of years in other department.

There are alot of changes going on within my workplace at the minute and Im hoping to get back to this same job but its possible that it may not happen, Im almost certain that If I took maternity leave for what could potentially be an entire year, I'll definately miss out on loads of career options and am worried as this is the first time I've been happy in work in a long time which is beneficial to our whole house as Im not upset constantly!!.

We cant really afford for me to take unpaid leave. At a push we'd probably get by but is this more selfish on my part, by putting financial pressure on both dh and I, therefore stress on the family. Part of us says, this is likely to be our last dc - spend all the time I can as I wont get the chance again and they really are only tiny for a short while. Part of me also says "to hell with work" for this reason but I think my sensible mind is siding the other way. Im also thinking Im slightly pushing it by getting another round of maternity leave so soon out of work and shouldnt push it.

I'd be due to go on maternity leave on the 19th May and my paid leave is finished on 17th November. If the baby is late (potentially up to 11 days) he/ she could be just 5 months at this stage.

I could, without taking any unpaid leave at all, go straight to annual leave, (I'd have roughly 28 days) until 5th December (first Mon in December). Worst case scenario, baby is 5.5 months and Im left with a nice bit of leave to take some time out over Christmas/ over the next few months to spend time with dc while still having my bum back in work.

I initially thought Id take a months unpaid but the way it falls would mean I'd be unpaid all over Christmas which would cause too much pressure with 3 dc and wouldnt be fair on anyone.

Is between 5-6 months old much too early to leave a baby to go back to work full time? -

A huge factor in this - My mother is going to be our CM, she is ridiculously close to my dc. To put into perspective, my dad is dead and I've no siblings so her and I very close - when dd draws pictures of her family, granny is included. Even when we make plans for the future - dh automatically includes her. We live right beside her and she is a massive support and huge part of our lives. She adores dc. We would rather pay her the wage we pay a CM and having our dc with a family member is such a relief for us. Everyones a winner.

Also, DH's work has fantastic hours and means he is home by 1.30 to dc most days. So when I do go back to work, baby will be with his/ her brother and sister, granny and/ or dh.

I did go back to work when dd was just 5 months but at the time this was all the leave allowed - now that I could potentially take more I feel guilty by not.

Im sorry this is so long but could you please give me your thoughts? Has anyone done this/ any experience

I think you've answered your own question, it sounds like going back at 5 months is more than feasible in this situation. I returned at 7 months with a very similar set-up, the only down-side was that I felt rather excluded as everyone did get on great without me around much, but this passed after a few months in which I realised my bond with my daughter was still there despite having lots of other carers.

And my daughters also draw granny in their family pictures. If you are happy with that (as I am) then this sound great to me.

i returned after 6mths all dc.could have taken longer.didnt want to.couldnt wait to get back i missed work and stimulation

Thanks a million for the replies (I know OP was ridiculously long). Onetoomany for some very strange reason, 7 months seems like the perfect number for me. I did find this too time (with ds) too long, I actually thought it was too hard on him, being 1 year old with me going out to work instead of being a younger baby if that makes sense.

Also, have absolutely no problem with granny in family pictures etc.. dcs have very strong bonds with many family members (my granny, my youngest aunt etc..), I love that so many people love them/ there are so many people about that they feel safe with/ can turn to and so many different people are having a hand in rearing them, really.

Can I also just say that obviously the above is dependant on all being well with myself and baby.

It sounds like you've considered everything and I think it definately sounds feasible, your DH will be home in the afternoons anyway and your baby will be with someone you (and he/she) knows and trusts.

What really matters is that you do what works for you as a family, if you're all happy with the arrangement then tbh it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Good luck!

Good luck to you. I'm still at home with 2.5 year old DS and happy with that but I recognise that all families function differently. It sounds like you have great family support and you have really thought this through.

Do whatever suits you best, I returned to work when my son was five weeks old, full time.

He is now 17 he did not suffer, and we ate comfortably.

That's what everyone used to have to do.

I took six months with ds (too long) and three with dd. It worked fine and at 11 and 10 they don't seem to have suffered any ill effects, and dd in particular is very close to me (and all her friends too ).

If it's what you want to do and your mother is happy to have your new baby then why not really. Sounds like you have a fantastic set up and a very happy family :)

Sounds like a great plan. I went back when DD was 5.5 months and my boss let me ease in for month or so. Your pay arrangement sounds excellent too.

I was thinking NO NO NO until I read your mum is already a huge part of your lives and is going to be your CM, and your DH will be home all afternoon.
Only thing that occurred to me - would unpaid leave around Christmas still be difficult even with 6 months of full pay (and no 'work related' costs) to save up?
Other than that - go for it! I know what you mean about feeling you're missing opportunities. I had just short of a year with my two and came back to a very different organisation both times.

Are you planning to breastfeed? (Have seen you talk about it but can't remember....) that might cause some difficulties

Most children in Belgium go to creche or a child minder full time from the age of three/four months (the earliest I have heard is a seven week old full time in a creche). The benefit is that they get used to it very quickly, much quicker then my children who were closer to one year old when they started creche.

Society has not collapsed yet, people very much believe in the saying 'it takes a village to raise a child'.

Some children are even breastfeed - I have a friend who sent her baby to creche full time from four months and exclusively bf until six months (this was tough going for her, also she commuted more then two hours a day) and is still bfing now at 18 months, and still working full time.

Thank you all so much for your replies - very helpful to hear other experiences.

Stealth No, definately not going to breastfeed so thats not going to be an issue. Also, unfortunately unpaid leave around Christmas, even with the 6 months paid would pose difficulties - it wouldnt have when we planned/ conceived this baby but things are really, really bad over here at the minute, (with IMF coming in, government dissolving etc..) and we've had 3 budgets over the past 18 months or so which has cut us (wages/taxes/ child benefit etc) by approx ?1,500 per month (and we are definately not high earners!) We're also told to expect more .

Any other thoughts?

It sounds like a lovely set up to me - your children are cared for by their gran who is very much a part of your family unit, DH will be home in the afternoon so they get his attention as well, and you will be able to go back to a job you enjoy and earn the money your family needs.... can I admit to being a teeny bit jealous?

barbie I went back to work with dd1 whn she was 5 months - my mil and mum did the vast majority of childcare. This was almost 6 years ago (how did that happen!!!), it was brillant, she had such a close relationship with her grandparents especially with mil. Things are so tight at the minute (we are in NI) that I wouldn't beat myself up about it.

DC3 is due this week and dh is taking the grand total of a week off work because we need his full pay, just the way it is. Good luck.

I'm going back slightly earlier than that - no choice and v common in France, so it's fine if you want to!

Thank you so much Plumm, I really appreciate it. Am feeling slightly better/ less guilty/ more convinced by this thread.

Wigglesrock this week? ooh how lovely!!! Hope everything goes perfectly. Although we are fed up - we are very, very lucky - we both still have jobs (and dh has the skill to earn a second income) and we're not going to loose our home like so many others Tis just the way it is, is right. Its just very sad to see so many of our own leaving the country. Am praying for influx of jobs..

On one hand you have your wish to return, your financial situation and great childcare in place.

On the other is the feeling that you should be off longer because you can.

Its a no brainer, definetely go back :)