in mentioning this to my friend or should I just let it go?

[Schnitzel]

I had a baby 8 months ago. Since then, a friend (I would not say she is an extremely close friend, but one who I see once or twice a month and have known for ten years) is more or less ignoring the fact that I have had a baby.

By NO means am I expecting other people to be super interested in my child. However, whenever we meet up or exchange emails she will never EVER ask either about my child or for instance ask how I'm coping being a new Mum etc. It's almost as though she's forgotten that I've given birth. I am VERY wary of being a baby bore to people who do not have kids (she doesn't) and do NOT rattle on about him at all, but surely even the most non-interested of people could feign interest for a nanosecond to enquire how I'm doing with sleepless nights for instance or, indeed, how my little one is?

I know that before I had him, if/when I met with friends who had children I would always enquire after them (and the Mum) and, because I cared about the person, would be
concerned how they were getting along coping with the changes that motherhood bring.

Maybe she just doesn't give a shit. I don't know.

I am soooooo tempted to bring this up with her (i.e. um, do you remember that I gave birth?) but part of me says to just let it lie.

It's so weird (well, I find it weird) it's almost laughable but I do feel a little hurt by it.

Am I being unreasonable to sound her out about it?

Some people just don't think, I don't believe it is intentional, those who don't have children do not realise how much it changes your life, the things you took for granted no longer being a given like a full nights kip.

Ask her why she never asks maybe she is waiting for you to bring it up.

Not everybody wants to talk about their babies all the time and maybe she think you get enough of that and wants to just talk about YOU.

Let it go.

I have a couple of friends who have never enquired as to how I am coping being a new mum or about sleepless nights, and they don't generally ask how DD is doing. It wouldn't occur to me to 'sound them out' about it!

She might be doing it on purpose (perhaps with misguided but well meaning intentions) to show you that someone is still interested in YOU as you, rather than you the Mummy. Or she might just think that you'll volunteer the information if there are any problems you want to talk about.

Let it go. She probably doesn't mean anything by it.

I'm forever forgetting to ask the 'obvious' question, regarding how's baby, your sick mom. Only remembering at a later stage!

Other possibility is that she is feeling a little envious. If so, it won't make her feel any better if you call her on it.

I had this from a few people when I had my first dc. There were lots of reasons for it.
I just let it lie and with most people it sorted itself out over time.
Some were jealous and had no idea how to handle their feelings. Some were worried it would change their relationship with me. Some were just not into babies in any way, shape or form. Some had no idea what to ask or awareness that it was a big deal not to talk about it.
Most of these people are still my friends and have come to terms with my new lifestyle. Some are not and there is nothing I can do about it. Others are still friends but the friendship has changed. I just took it all as part of becoming a mum. We had been warned in our antenatal class that friendships do change.

You can't stop being who you are so they have to accept you as they are or move on. Let it lie and see what happens. As long as you don't go on about baby and don't ignore what is going on in their life then you are doing nothing wrong and need not feel you are ever in the wrong.
Don't sound her out though. Maybe next time just take one photo and show her it to see what sort of response you get.
Remember people may be struggling with their own fears, sadnesses etc when they think about babies.

I wouldn't sound her out about it - I agree, if you've not had kids, you might not get how life changing it is - I rememeber carrying on as normal with a friend for aaages after she had her baby, it didn't occur to me how much things had changed.

Why not just bring up baby in conversation - not in a baby bore way, but perhaps, 'I'm shattered, baby was up all night, I'd love a coffee', and see if she asked then.

Is she in a relationship? Could it be that she is having difficulties in having a baby and finds it hard to ask after yours?

She could have trouble TTC

or want to have a baby but no suitable bloke/unwilling bloke

or she could not like children

personally, I wouldn't bring it up. the answer can't be anything positive, can it?

"um, do you remember that I gave birth?" Maybe that is all that she CAN think about. You say she doesn't have kids. Do you know if this is through choice or not? If it isn't through choice you are being a bit unreasonable as it might be very painful for her, and she may only be able to cope with seeing you if there is little or no mention of the baby. If this is the reason for her behaviour then you will have to decide if you want to keep seeing her, on her terms.

If she is childless through choice, then she is being a bit unreasonable, but some people just have v little interest in kids. Again, your call if you want to remain friends, but if she is a good friend you might want to discuss how you are a bit hurt at her lack of interest.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm glad I posted here as you've made me realise that there wouldn't be that much to be gained by speaking to her about it....and I definitely don't want to risk hurting her feelings.

Great advice carrots.