to be really scared?

[NotJustKangaskhan]

I need to get his off my chest - I'm really scared right now and not sure if I'm being reasonable so I'm going to lay it all out to get others opinions. Quite long ramblings.

I have been completely estranged from my father for 6-7 years now. One of the main reason is because, prior to my having children, he went on a drunked/drugged rant about how if I or my sister didn't raise our children in his faith, he had a right to take them away from us (my father is a very very right wing Christian group - the no dice games cause it encourages gambling type. I'm a Noachide). There is also the fact he spent most of my childhood drunk or on other drugs, made multiple lewd comments to and towards me, and is pretty much sociopathic. He has a mindset that he can do pretty much whatever, and can make up for it with money.

Pretty much since I left home, he's been stalking me. He lives in the States, where I am from, and it started with him coming over here and taking a picture of himself in front of University where my husband was studying. He sends emails (usually written in a way that seems very drunk) full of creepy information that he should have no way of knowing. A while ago, I stopped using any internet blogs or forums as I was convinced he was hacking them (he was a computer programmer).

Now I only use two, this one where I never put anything really identifying and another which I thought was locked down like Fort Knox, but today I got another email from him, to my new email address, with him talking about my youngest and knowing all 3 of my kids names, when previously it was only my eldest. He mostly sounds like an lonely old man now (what with at least 2 of his 3 kids not talking to him, and half the email going on about how his latest wife has left him, I wouldn't be surprised), and part of me feels really sorry for him - I think part of me always will since he's my father - but I think his methods of getting information has pretty much proven to me that he hasn't changed at all and that I can't trust him.

I don't know what to do. I'm so tired of feeling like I can't trust anything or anyone. I'm quite happy with the rest of my life, but I feel like I have to watch my and my children's backs whenever we leave house because of him. I'm fed up of living in fear because of him (one of the main selling points of our place is there is a business across the street with CCTV that covers the house if he tries to get in here). Now I'm debating whether to ignore the email (as usual), to respond with a 'you have the wrong email address', or to respond some other way...I don't know. Previously, I would lock down and change everything.

So, AIBU to be scared, creeped out, and keeping my kids away? How would you respond to the email?

feels slightly better having it all off of my chest

With him being in the US and you in the UK I'm not sure what can be done legally.

Most police forces seem to have a computer crimes unit, could you speak to them?

Would it be worth contacting to US embassy as he is commiting a crime there, by hacking, if not here.

Sorry not to have better suggestions for you

Yikes, what an awful situation to be in. I think you should trust your instincts and if you think this man is best kept out of your life, then do everything possible to make sure that happens. I'd certainly ignore the email.

If you think he may be a danger to you and your family somehow, which what you have written seems to imply, then I think I might be considering legal action regarding the stalking. It sounds like telling him you want nothing more to do with him and to stay out of your life probably would have no effect.

That sounds awful. In your situation, I would have nothing to do with the creepy fucker. I wouldn't respond to the email, and just have any he sends in future diverted to junk. Is it worth considering some counselling, just so that you can talk through all of his bizarre behaviour? I think I'd also speak to someone at my local police station, telling them about the weird stalky behaviour. They migt be able to advise you as to what can be done, or at least put you in touch with someone else who can help. I'm genuinely sorry that your father is such a fuckwit. Take care.

I couldn't read and run.

If it were me I would go to the police and tell them everything and that you are frightened for yourself and your children. Your father sounds like a nasty piece of work and it is terrible that you have to live in fear.

Where I previously lived I had a neighbour start sending me very strange letters, flowers and gifts. His letters implied that we had some sort of relationship and alluded to intimate conversations we had had. To my knowledge I had only ever said hello to him. I started to get really worried when I worked in a local pub and my friends there would not let me walk home alone as he was asking strange questions about me and saying very odd things about 'us'. I have two children and decided that I was not prepared to put them at any risk and I went to my local police station. They took me very seriously and visited him on numerous occasions. I on e saw him outside my place of work and he then told people after I got married and moved that he was moving to where I now live. Thankfully he did not but I kept the police up to date with everything he did ir was reported to have said.

I understand that your situation is different as it is your father but you have a right to live without fear for yourself and your children. I would hope the police would be able to advise you on what steps you can take to keep your father away this may involve taking out an injunction against him. If this does happen then at least the police can then intervene on your behalf.

I do feel you need to get some professional advice but please take some action so that you do not gave to live in fear.

I wish you strength.

I contacted the police after the photo incident. They told me to keep a folder of his emails as evidence in case he did something, they couldn't do anything until he did something here directly to me or the kids and they couldn't do anything about the hacking unless I could 100% prove he did that.

Why don't you conact the Suzie Lamplugh (? re spelling) Trust - I think they may offer you some help? Also as this is in a domestic setting - can the police domestic violence (there is a freephone? or local number? on their websites) give you some advice? Even if it is just practical to help you feel safer.

Do you think he even remembers the drug crazed rants? Its probably unlikely.

He does sound completely unhinged, but I doubt he would do anything physical.

Is it possible that the sibling of yours that he does communicate with tells him what you are doing in life?

Somebody is grassing you up! How on earth would he know all these things unless he is in the country or someone is giving him info?

P.s don't rely on the company CCTV, get your own, they are less than £100 and you can get ones with a digital recorder that record pictures when it gets triggered.

I found most of the police very unhelpful when I was stalked and my life threatened.

They suggested I had mental health problems and it was not real.

They said they could not act until he hurt me physically (thanks a lot)

He told them I am unhinged and they took his word for it.

They said a witness to one threat to kill me was 'probably trying to make trouble' for the stalker; they had no reason to suggest such a thing and the witness had never set eyes on him before, but that is what they said.

They did a good impression generally of being uninterested and/or mates of his.

So - keep on asking for help and record everything.

On about my nth try I found myself with a senior police officer who said he believed me, it was clearly real, prolonged, complex and determined, and that other officers were wrong to dismiss me.
The relief was tremendous.

KEEP ON ASKING FOR HELP AND STRESS HOW AFRAID YOU ARE.
He can be banned from contacting you in any way, including email, if that is what you want.

The photo could have been PhotoShopped - all he needed was a picture of the university.

He may well have introduced a virus into your computer via the emails he sent you. When you opened the photo attachment (or other attachment) then he could read whatever you wrote.

The first thing I would do is to take your computer to a computer repair store and ask them a) to run a good virus check on it and b) whether there's any sign that someone is remotely viewing what you type. Do NOT look up the computer repair people online from your own computer.

Then contact the passport people and make sure they know that your children may only leave the country if they are accompanied by you.