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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

vascectomy

5 replies

pemma · 11/02/2011 22:34

My (much loved) third baby was the result of a 2 year long campaign of persuasion by my husband. My reluctance was due to the fact that the other 2 were awful sleepers and I became quite low. I knew a third would stretch me to the limit and our finances too. However, I didnt want my husband to have regrets in his old age and as an only child he has always yearned for a large family. He is a fantastic, hands on Dad. (I dont want this to sound as though dc3 was unwanted by me, just that if I hadonly had myself to consider, I would have been too scared of the consequences to go ahead. Now she's here, I cant believe how lucky we are(tho knackered and skint!)).I did make my husband promise to have a vascectomy though (I cant take the pill and dc1 was a happy accident resulting from failed condom).However, nearly 2 years later, he has still not even had an appointment to discuss it with the dr and I am furious. AIBU? I cant relax enough to have sex as I cant risk another pregnancy and having experienced failed contraception in the past, it's all I can think of. Also, there is now this massive issue between us and I am angry whenever he even wants to cuddle me because I feel I must stop it going further and then he is annoyed.

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 11/02/2011 22:36

I know it is a bigger operation but have your tubes tied.

If he doesn't want to end his fertility you can't force him to do that.

If you are sure that you do not want any more children, you can end yours.

I know it's a much bigger op and it would make more sense for him to undergo the very minor snip.

But if he doesn't want to, then you can't make him

Squitten · 11/02/2011 22:39

Get yourself sterilised?

pemma · 11/02/2011 22:45

I know I cant force him to: I want him to do it because he promised to! It's probably rather juvenile of me but I cant help thinking "I did this for us, why cant you do this for us?" It's also made me start questioning why he wont: he wont talk about it without getting annoyed(our relationship is generally fine except obviously sex life pretty nonexistent at the moment!)and now I'm wondering if secretly he's not wanting to end his fertility in case he ends up with someone else and it's not a train of thought conducive to a happy relationship at all.I've never doubted him at all before.

OP posts:
Ellielou02 · 11/02/2011 22:54

Well my DH said he would when I was preg with DD2 and 2 years later he has just had it done, it really means loads to me that he has done this (but as I keep reminding him having 2 babaies was no walk in the park) he was admitted at 8.30 and walked out at 10.20 all done and feeling fine, he had a little discomfort for a few days and once stitches came out we were having sex 10 days post op, he has no regrets and says it really is not as bad as it is made out, I know there can be complications with vasectomy, but if you get sterilised it is alot more involved as other posters have said.

Why does he not want to do it or is it just a case of putting it off? If thats the case ask him if he wants you to come with him to see gp.

Ellielou02 · 11/02/2011 22:56

Think I xposted a bit there sorry

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