to be told by my mother, that i'll be looking for a job once dd is at school..

[carriedababi]

never had i ever said anything about i'll be looking for a job once dds in school

itwas just really weird when she came out with it, totally out of the blue

Pretty normal thing to happen, surely?... What job does she have in mind for you? Circus entertainer? MI5 officer?

what was weird, was the way she assumed.

if she had asked me, if im thinking about it, i wouldn't mind, what bugged me was the way she told me thats what i'd be doing

What's your question?

I don't understand what it is you're asking either.

A mother making assumptions about their offspring's future... now there's a rare thing!

we don't talk about various things, i never tell her if i have any problems or any hope or dreams i have, i keep her aty arms length emotinally

its what ive had to learn to do, over the years

she doesn't even know we are ttc, so she does know much about me really iyswim

and i have never ever said what i will do in the future

it just bugged me that way she assusmed this and it felt like she was telling me what i'm going to be doing, when really she sa no idea at all

sorry my question is, aibu, to be a bit pissed off to be told this by my mother

If you keep someone at arms length and never tell them anything they are going to make assumptions in order to fill in the gaps. Perhaps the job remark was a clumsy way of asking what you were thinking of doing in the future? Hoping you'd open up? Don't know what she's done to make you feel so reticent about sharing your life a little but maybe this is a time to let your guard down and be more inclusive.

I think being pissed off is perhaps a bit of a strong reaction

As you keep her at arms length emotionally, it must be hard for her to know what's going on in your life. She was probably just making conversation, and its not exactly a strange thing to assume, if you're not working now, that you'll want to work again at some point.

Not a big deal IMO

yeah maybe she is just trying to fill in the gaps/get information out of me

i will never let her in emotionally, never again

i was totally vague anyway just saying oh well will see.

Not sure I see the point you are making. Lots of parents work.

Don't understand

i'm trying to say it bugged me they say she said it, it felt like i was being told
assuming things about me

i wouldn't have minded being asked, but then again, iwould have only said will see

so perhaps she thought she could suss me out more this way

I was slightly pissed off with my mother for the opposite reason, when she expressed surprise that I was returning to work 3 days a week when dd1 was 3 months old!

yes vh, thats what i mean, it bugs when people assume things about you/tell you want you will be doing

what did you mother say to you?

I understand what the OP is driving at, I'm close to my mum, she knows I enjoy being a housewife (was v fortunate to be made redundant after 16 yrs when pregnant with DD2, by the time DD3 came along DH salary had increased so while we need to be careful with money I don't have to work). It doesn't stop my mum saying things like, "so you'll be looking for a job when DD3's at school". I may well do so we have spare cash for decent holidays, but I won't feel that I have to rush for a job I might not want, I feel I may disappoint her if I don't work though.

thanks housemum, i'm glad you get what i mean

i might start my own small business, but no way in hell would i tell my mum that.

Can't remember her exact words, but she certainly seemed surprised that I was returning to work. Though of course she was of a generation where women were expected to just stay home half their life.

The reason it bugged me, was because my mum knew how hard I had worked to get where I was in my profession, she knew I was on an equal footing career wise with my DH, she knew that the cost of living (early 1990s) was far greater than when she had kids... Honestly, none of my friends would have made such an assumption, so it annoyed me that she did.

However, you say that you purposely choose to keep your mother at an emotional distance (which of course you're perfectly entitled to do) so I'm guessing she really doesn't know what your plans are, and is making a not unreasonable assumption that you'll want to work in the future

Op I get you. Have a similar relationship with my mother.

vh,yes it was the assumtion, plus i HATE being told what to do.
or feeling like i'm being told
yes its the same sort of situation only in reverse

oadcb, oh good im glad you get me