Ever done a friendship laundry??

[WentworthMillerMad]

I am in my mid forties with 4 young children. I suddenly realised that I spend lots of my precious free time with "friends" that are born out of convenience (kids same age, live in same street etc) than with my "real friends", women I actually adore / similar opinions. Anyone ever fallen into the pattern? Anyone ever had the nerve to "de-friend" people!!!

I have to admit I do this a little but quite naturally really, some you just see less and less of as time goes on. Inevitably if you are always unavailable then they don't call again.

Long term friends who don't live locally do have different lives and commitments but we do arrange to meet up for weekends a few times a year and they somehow seem all the more valuable.

I did find myself stalking someone who I wanted to be friends with. She clearly feels otherwise!! I think I'm lovely, she obviously wanted a more relaxed acquaintance type relationship. Fortunately I did get the hint.
Not one of my finer recent moments

See, I try with people, but after the second or third time of it being ME to arrange, or ME to text, or ME to invite, thats it. I am pleasant but if you push me, I will bring out the Vanish!

De-friending people sounds cold and heartless to me, and so does ditching someone who isn't blessed with positivity. Surely we all have our shortcomings and none of us are the world's most interesting/positive/witty person?

I've drifted away from people - usually because one or both of us have moved to different parts of the country; it happens- you can't possibly remain friends with everybody. I'm not a person who makes friends very easily so the ones I do have are mostly very people I'm very close to.

I think its very unpleasant to "de-friend" people that you come into contact with a lot. Unless they've done something major to offend you of course.

Dont need to drop them, just dont arrange to meet them as often, so you can make time with your closer friends

questionI don't think it's a case of dropping people who aren't always positive - it's the whole package that matters. If someone makes you feel crap when you are around them - consistently - or behaves in way that is not nice to other people, and you yourself would never act like that, then I think you have every right to give them a wide berth.
I don't expect my friends to be some super, sparkly, charismatic wonder - I just like to be around people who are nice, genuine and thoughtful to other peoples feelings most of the time. They can and will make mistakes, as we all do, but why hang around or pursue a friendship that cause you to be stressed?
Best maybe to stick to the good friends that you have built up over the years.

Thanks everyone - I feel so much better. I feel like I am back at school, it's 1979 and I am in my sec school playground. Good news is I am now a grown up and will no longer spend time with acquaintances who make snippy comments/bore me to death with their critical outlook on life. What was I thinking! It will be low key but I have a silk cycle on my machine, gentle but effective! And a for the fucking guitars it's ear plugs and an imaginary Bon fire in my dreams! Plus moving house - thanks love my sleep and changing 2011. Will look out for your cheery commets on mn in the future!

It's perfectly OK to have a quiet ending, but not a lot of people are 100% comfortable with this and seem to think you should persist in staying in touch, even if you've nothing in common anymore.

A friend of mine has the '3 strikes and you're out' approach, and I think it's a good one. She'll make the effort to make contact or meet up 3 times at reasonable intervals. If they don't respond, she assumes they're too busy for her, etc. Doesn't take huge offence, but just lets the contact lapse.

I think it's a good approach. And agree with the posters on here who say if your time's limited, then invest it in the friendships that give you the most back overall. Friendships evolve.