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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish they would stop suggesting we go on holiday?

20 replies

theoffsiderule · 11/02/2011 15:25

PIL are very well-meaning, but very insensitive; I have recently decided to become a SAHM - as I was the main breadwinner, this means a drastic change to our income - we essentially break even on DP's wage.

Typically babyboomerish, PIL go on at least 1 cruise and lots of minibreaks every year. We were talking about their next few trips at the weekend and FIL said - not for the first time - "you should go on a cruise, you would love it". Neither DP nor I had (pre-DS) or have now any desire to go on a cruise - but more to the point, we don't have £3000 lying about to spend...if we did, it certainly wouldn't be on a cruise. After DP said as much, FIL then went on to suggest that we should go on a gastro break to Northern France, as they often do this with their friends on the spur of the moment and it's great fun. Fine, if you don't have a 7mo baby and you've got the cash to spend on last minute tunnel, hotel, food & wine...

We have mentioned several times to PIL that we are likely to be holidaying in the UK for the next few years - and only then if we can afford it. "Ugh, Wales" was MIL's reaction when I said we were thinking about going there.

We certainly don't mind hearing about their trips, so it's not sour grapes, as we've been on good holidays ourselves, but I wish PIL (and especially FIL) would be a bit more sensitive to the fact that we just don't have that sort of money any more and stop making suggestions that are way out of our budget!

And just to set it all off nicely, my own parents called up this lunchtime to see would we like to go on holiday with them, all expenses paid, as they know we're skint... that's more like it!

OP posts:
zikes · 11/02/2011 15:27

Aw, they're just making conversation and not thinking about the financial realities. Pay no mind.

LessNarkyPuffin · 11/02/2011 15:29

Tell them when they bring it up, 'that sounds nice but it wouldn't really work for us and it's out of our budget.'

compo · 11/02/2011 15:29

Sounds like they're just making conversation!
That's fab about your parents buying you a holiday though Envy

compo · 11/02/2011 15:31

It's like when single friends tell me about their nights out , where they've been and recommending restaurants
I reply 'sounds great' even though I can't go as have no babysitter
but I don't mind, I love hearing about where they've been
I don't resent them for telling me

megonthemoon · 11/02/2011 15:31

You lost any sympathy from me the minute you bragged about your own parents offering you an all expenses paid trip: "that's more like it" - so your pil can only talk holidays with you if they're willing to pay for you to go? grow up. you chose to be a sahm, you can't stop other people talking about holidays just in case you can't afford it.

Fernie3 · 11/02/2011 15:32

My dad used to do this until i told him that since four young children and cruise ships would be a bit of a nightmare so we woud have to leave all the kids with him for a few weeks, he hasn't uttered a word since.

saffy85 · 11/02/2011 15:33

I'd ask "ooh you offering to pay?" They're only making conversation but yeah when you're skint and know you wont be going on holiday for a while it does make you a bit cheesed off.

cocoachannel · 11/02/2011 15:34

I think you're being a little oversensitive. It doesn't sound like they're trying to make you feel bad or being deliberately obtuse.

I'd just mention that it's out of your budget now. Maybe they don't realise quite how much difference your change makes to your overall household income.

Bumperlicious · 11/02/2011 15:35

My family used to be like this about buying a house. I often wondered which part of 'we have no money' they couldn't understand. 'oh but you can get these 125% mortgages'. Good job we didn't take their advice.

Newgolddream · 11/02/2011 15:42

Have you actually bothered to tell them you cant afford a holiday?

Original poster
theoffsiderule · 11/02/2011 15:48

I like the idea about leaving DS with them while we sail off into the sunset... Wink

I have zero problem with them going on holidays, or talking about their trips - it's great that they are able to visit places they have always wanted to. I just wish they wouldn't suggest that we do the same as we simply don't have the cash!

And I certainly don't expect anyone to pay for us to go - my parents made their suggestion entirely out of the blue and we're probably not going to accept anyway as it's just far too much money for them to spend. Plus we live in a lovely part of England so can easily make it feel like a holiday in the summer if DP takes time off and stays at home.

We are fully happy not to go on holiday for as long as it takes to save up - be that to Torremolinos or Torquay! I know PIL just want us to be happy and have nice holidays like them, but it's not going to happen for a long time - I think they probably forget what it was like to have to save up for things as DP (only child) left home 12 years ago.

OP posts:
DurhamDurham · 11/02/2011 15:59

You just sound bitter.
You've made a huge decsion which is right for your family, good for you. You in-laws enjoy their holidays, good for them.

You lost my empathy as soon as you started gloating about your free holiday offer. Most families don't have that luxury.

slightlymad72 · 11/02/2011 16:03

Do we have the same parents? I could swear you was talking about my Mum and stepdad.

It does get on your nerves doesn't it!!! every time we visit, the photos come out (the same ones we saw last time) then the Ohhh you must go on a cruise, you must go to france. etc etc.

Why would someone who has afear of water want to go on a cruise ship!!!!! and the fact it cost a fortune to go on holiday with 3 kids and finding someone to look after a menagerie, makes holidaying damn near impossible.

I know they're well meaning but please give it a rest. Smile

pink4ever · 11/02/2011 16:10

You have my sympathy op! We get this with inlaws all the time too.They have a holiday home abroad and every year ask us when we going to visit.With 3dc we simply cannot afford it(flights have gotten even more expensive since they bought it 6 years ago). They like to make us feel worse by pointing out that our bil,sil and dcs have been twice.Yes because they used their credit cards and got into loads of debt-no thanks!. They also pee me off by talking about their friends out there(other gps) who take their grandkids for a few weeks.Why dont you offer to do that with our bloody kids thenAngry.

Bogeyface · 11/02/2011 16:12

I think this is a Baby-Boomer thing! My parents seem to think that everyone is as well off as they are. They dont appreciate that they are, and probably will always be, the best off generation there has ever been.

My mum thinks people who rent because they cant afford to buy are "throwing good money after bad" and that if they saved up that rent money they would have a deposit. She cant give a good suggestion on where they should live in the meantime though and where they should find the extra income to pay the exorbitant mortgages needed now! My dad doesnt seem to get that I cant treat myself or the kids on a whim like he does.

They have never had it how we, or their parents, have had it and genuinely dont understand!

coldtits · 11/02/2011 16:18

We have, as a generation, more in common with our grandparents than our parents. My friends and I have gradually realised this. I live more like my grandmother than my mother did - chopping up my own meat, gravy from scratch, clothes on heaters / on drying racks, second hand clothes.

It's similar for my friends. We are all being given absurd suggestions on how to manage our lives - we need to listen more to our grandparents, to be honest.

PinkElephant73 · 11/02/2011 16:18

YANBU, we used to get this from MIL all the time - not necessarily about holidays, but about spending on other stuff. it was v insensitive.

Original poster
theoffsiderule · 11/02/2011 16:30

Really spot on with the points about us being more like our grandparents - even to the extent that DP and I live in a house exactly the same as those of our grandparents: 2-bed terrace with a yard - whereas our parents have detached 3/4-bedders (now being inhabited by 2 people each - madness!).

I don't remember my grandparents ever having a holiday outside the UK/Ireland. And it certainly didn't bother them, as it doesn't bother us. I bet their parents weren't saying "ooh why don't you go to Barcelona for a minibreak, we loved it?!"

OP posts:
pommedeterre · 11/02/2011 17:10

Least they're just chatting about holiday ideas and not trying to muscle in on your family holidays which are sooo precious because you never bloody see dh.
All we get is 'Why can't we come?'.
And before I get slated I have suggested compromise weekend break another time of year but not good enough.
So I'd say just tune it out and thank your lucky stars.

Original poster
theoffsiderule · 11/02/2011 17:28

oh pomme, that puts it in perspective. I would be tempted to say "I'm allergic to holidays!" if that was mooted...!

OP posts:
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