to feel put upon?

[ExtraPairOfHands]

I am part of a group of friends who meet regularly with our children. We all had our 1st children at the same time 4 years ago and get on well. However, the rest of the group have gone on to have their 2nd or 3rd children, whilst I am the only one to still only have 1.

I am finding that I am increasingly becoming everyone's spare pair of hands while we meet up. So if they want a cuddle with their older child, baby comes to me, if they want to change toddlers nappy, baby comes to me, if they want to go to the toilet, baby comes to me, if older child needs help, baby comes to me and so on. I actually don't mind helping out at all and I think in a way this is why I have got myself in to this position because I think we should help each other out.

However, as it is a group of 5 adults it really does end up being most of the time. Sometimes I actually enjoy sitting with my own drink and enjoying the fact that my DD is independent and I can get a break. Ironically, the times DD does want me I can't because I am looking after someone else's baby. I also know that, hopefully, when I have another, it won't be reciprocated.

I think the final straw was when I felt 'told off' by one of the mums this week because I hadn't offered to hold her baby while she was seeing to her older child

I expect a flaming, but am genuinely wondering if AIBU to not want to always be the extra pair of hands?

I think it is more a case of yet another thread where some people refuse to answer the actual AIBU, preferring to see the situation as they see it rather than the actual OP and like to answer as if:

I do not help out at all and prefer to sit and drink coffee

OR..

I like to watch as my friends children endanger themselves, but i would prefer to drink coffee

OR...

It is happening 2/3 times each time we meet up rather than constantly having someone elses child

OR..

I only have 1 child and do not understand the needs of those with more than one

OR...

I can not bear the noise as my poor 1 child ears can only bear it when it is quiet.

OR...

I have no problems with people telling me IABU, I would just prefer it if they did so after considering the facts rather than thinking of their own situation.

extrapair, I have been in this position - have a singleton DS (very happily so and no more to come!) and found myself as babysitter for friends.

The way I dealt with it was to help friends - bearing in mind the long game; I liked them I wanted to keep being friends and I knew that this stage WILL be over soon and we would get to the stage of being able to have hands free child free time together.

The other thing I did was to help but as SOON as my DS needed me, I would say "I'm coming DS let me give baby back to so-and-sp" and then I would assertively hand baby back saying "here she is, DS needs me". All done nicely but firmly and this really seemed to work; no good friend will mind taking their own baby when your child needs you!

HTH?

thanks sleepingsowell (and MsKLo again!) It is good to think of the long game and they are good friends.

pukeymummy Glad to know I am not alone and that you, and others earlier in the thread have experienced similar. Your post made me realise that it is the 'thrusting the baby at me' with no choice that makes me feel put upon.

Thanks again to everyone for replying, including those that think IABU, it has really helped to think about it.