To wonder when I'll ever feel able to get out of the house?

[Moulesfrites]

Ds1 is 3 weeks old. When I was pg I had all of these plans to join lots of baby activity groups - baby yoga, baby massage, breast feeding groups etc etc, but at the moment I can nearly get us both up and ready before 11 am. I don't feel confident feeding discreetly yet, as I feel have to get my whole boob out to get him on properly. I had a text this morning from a friend with a 5 month old ds saying she was off to baby yoga and I was still in bed feeding, in my pjs covered in milk and sick. I feel as if i am feeding him so often that I will never be able to go anywhere.

Apart from a few walks we have not been anywhere on our own. If we have been anywhere in the car dh has driven and I feel nervous about driving with ds. I have been invited to A friend's for lunch on mon and feel so nervous about it - it's going to be such a mission to get us there on time - what am I doing wrong?

You're not doing anything wrong at all!!!!!

In fact, staying in, getting to know your baby, and getting feeding well established all sound like really good things to be doing.

3 weeks is still very tiny. It will get a lot better.

Cancel the plans for Monday if you're not ready. Try again at about the 6 week mark. - it'll be a whole different world by then.

All sounds pretty normal to me

Don't worry about times and stuff if you don't have to, most people understand how it is, especially if they've got DC themselves.

Congrats

YANBU.

It's only now, as my dgd is 2 days away from being 6 weeks old, that my ds2 and ddil are regularly getting out and about and also going to baby activity groups. I was the same with my dcs. Especially ds2 who was a December baby so we had weeks and weeks of gloomy, cold, damp weather to endure when he was tiny.

So don't think you are failing, instead think of how much lovely "getting to know you time", you and your new baba are having. You've got years and years of fun to have with him so don't feel you have to rush into outside activities before you are ready.

Congratulations!!! What you describe all sounds normal to me. With DD I got out for a walk about day 8 - tried to go earlier but just couldn't figure out what on earth I had to do with the buggy (even though I had been shown several times before). Loads of times in those early weeks I'd finally get ready to go out by say 2pm, and then DD would be ready for another feed (I BF too) and would need a change & I'd simply give up as it would be dark soon

Go easy on yourself - there is plenty of times for all that other stuff and things will change. The thing I really enjoyed about having a winter baby was the days were so short for that first month it really didn't matter if it was day or night as far as we were concerned - we just did what we did when we wanted/needed to.

So just relax, enjoy these day, please don't put any pressure on yourself. The days are slowly getting longer, you and baby are getting to know each other. You will soon find you will be able to organise being out and about all day if you want to - BF babies are really very easy in that department

Oh & for popping to the shops I found using a sling/baby bjorn made the job really easy to just pop out for 10 minutes.

YANBU
A couple of ideas for when you are ready - instead of going to a baby meeting in a public place, go to a friend's house/NCT group which meets in each others' houses first - musch more comfortable. Also take a small lightweight towel with you which you can throw over one shoulder and over the baby's head while latching on - saves the {blush]

Oh Sweety, you are being soooo hard on yourself and in a few months time you will look back (as I did) and realise how hopelessly high you had your expectations set and how different the reality is.

FWIW after our DD (now 19m) was born, I barely left our bedroom (where I had given birth) with her for about 3 weeks! Literally. A bath, the occasional potter down stairs or sniff the fresh air in the garden, that was it and I was happy with that. I found the instinct to be in our 'nest' was overwhelmingly strong. You are feeding all the bloomin time when they are tiny. It does get better I promise, it just feels like forever for a while . And it took me quite a few weeks, maybe 3 or 4 months to be truly slick with the breast feeding discreetly business.

I always think that the whole birth-feeding combo can be likened to running a marathon and then as you cross the finish line, having to learn Japanese (unless you are Japanese, in which case some other difficult new skill ). You are totally knackered and bf is a difficult to master, totally new and alien skill. Give youself and your baby time to get to grips with it, well done for persevering so far.

People came to visit us and not me to them for quite some time. I can remember setting off for a visit to my aunts (about half hour by car) when DD was about 6 weeks old and thinking to myself that I should really have everything sorted by now and be much more organised than I was. I look back at the new mum that I was then and can't believe how hard I was on myself and totally unrealistic.

You are doing nothing wrong and everything right. My advice would be get your friend to bring to your house (which is quite within it's rights to be a tip at the moment) whatever they were going to make for your lunch at their house on Monday. Get them to come over at about 2pm and try if possible to shoe horn in a nap for yourself (not tidying up!) before they arrive. Warn them in advance that you will be superglued to the sofa with your LO stuck to your boob which is likely to be on display for all to see.

If they are not the kind of friend that this would be possible with, then yes, I agree postpone and dial your expectations down a few notches. The post-birth euphoria is starting to die down a bit now and you need to protect your limited energy supply by being kind to yourself and taking pride in small victories. FWIW there's no way I would have ever been ready by 11am by your stage of the game so I'd say you've got more that enough to be very proud of already. Well done.

:)

You sound completely normal to me! I think six weeks is a bit of a milestone when you start feeling a bit better and more confident in doing stuff. Then by 2 or 3 months you'll be more than happy to get into everything else. Just don't put too much pressure on yourself! Your baby certainly doesn't need to be doing activities yet so it's only when you start to feel the need for some other company. Congratulations and good luck!

I didn't get dressed for the first 6 weeks let alone go out of the house. It does get easier eventually.

So, so, so normal and you are not doing a thing wrong. I managed to get out for a couple of walks when he was 2 weeks old but my partner is around all the time. It wasn't until he was about 6 wks old that I started going out regulary on my own to groups etc. (which coincided with all the snow last year!).

Give yourself a break - your son is only 3 weeks old and you'll be ready when you're ready.

Oh and second the sling recommendation - I don't think I would have gotten out at all without mine.

Yore doing fine, it took me until about 6 months to do more than one 'thing' a day eg trip to post office, lunch at a friends etc.
Try to make it to lunch with your friend, it will be good practise for when you have to go out. Explain you might be early/late then relax with it and take your time.

There is a huge difference between three weeks and five months. As others have said, take it at your own pace and when you do go out, go to friends' houses etc until you feel more comfortable BF in public. Its not the greatest time of year to be out anyway and you'd have to layer up your LO with clothes. My DS was born in august and it was easier cos he was literally just in a vest the whole time, indoors and out! As for the pram, wait for the weekend when LO is asleep and have another play with it until you are confident. I had to show my DP many times because he is so cack handed I was convinced he would force it and break it. There are no "norms" or right way of doing this bit. So long as YOU are not getting cabin fever then stay in until you feel ready.

Early DaYS! Go easy on yourself! It will get easier. In my early days I had a lot of back pain and my midwife had a chat with me and said "if someone had fallen down the stairs, they would spend a week in bed, your body has done an amazing thing and now it needs some rest".

just another voice to say take it easy, you are doing NOTHING WRONG.

I remember standing on my doorstep getting some air when DS probably about 3 weeks old and a neighbour passed who I knew by sight only. She was pushing her DS who was 3 months, she looked normal and bouncy and brilliant. I thought as you did "oh what am I doing wrong". She stopped to say hi, and said that at about 6 weeks it all started to slot into place... and she was right.

Do things AT YOUR PACE.

All your baby needs now is YOU. Not baby massage, or groups or anything. In a bit you'll start to feel YOU need a change of scenery, a diversion, a target for the day (or you might not).

But for now, enjoy your baby and revel in the new life you have. I know it's SUCH a cliche but it passes so fast

Thank you so much kind mums netters, once again you have reassured me, and made me cry! Is so reassuring to know that this is normal...

don't worry moules I'm crying too!!

I actively avoided going out unless it was essential for I think the first two months with my DD. It was just awkward with breastfeeding, especially through the non-stop growth spurt they seem to be on from birth until a couple of months old. I wouldn't worry at three weeks, you're still getting to know each other and settle into routines at this point.