To think that most people are better parents the second time around?

[messyjessie]

Not saying the first child isn't much loved and well cared for... But something of a practice run?

Do most people with the wisdom of thier first do things very differently with the second?

And even look back in their first and have some slight regrets?

My first baby had loads of attention but i was much younger ( was 20 so aware some will have been even younger but i was at uni and still felt too young!)). I didn't have the patience i do now, i didn't try breastfeeding at all because i listened too much to what people were telling me rather tha dojgn my own thing. On the other end of the scale i sent HOURS when i was Ill making stupid little ice cube trays of baby food when really i wish i had just spent the time hugging her rather thsn keeping her quiet in the car seat while i cooked!. I also spent a stupid amount of time trying to entertain her even when she didn't seem to care,

My fourth i did breastfeed because i finally thought "shut the hell up" to people who told me it would be too hard. she has loads of hugs, she loves being carried in her sling she sleeps in my bed she lives the baby life of luxury...but she eats mostly jars and i think the most exciting thing she does in day is sit in her swing and watch the older ones play!

So not better really just different

I've got steadily worse each time.

Better (happier, more relaxed, and that's ds2 as well as me) the 2nd time in my case.

I was 21 when my mum had a second child and she quite brazenly told me that she was going to 'do it properly with this one'.

Unwanted trial-run fuck-up child, that's me.

I'll find out in June and let you know.

Hopefully I have learnt from the oodles of mistakes I have made with DS (who, by the Grace of God is alive and healthy still ) and go on and make a whole new set of mistakes

I've certainly enjoyed it much more second time around and yes to some extent I suppose have done things 'better' or perhaps 'more effectively'. I certainly think DH and I were a better team once DS2 arrived.

I was a basket case with DS1 for his first year really. It was a MASSIVE culture shock even thought we'd waited years for him and he as very very much wanted. DS2 (when he finally arrived) just slotted into place.

I was great first time around but a short-tempered mess with DC2. God knows how bad I'm going to be like with DC3. But I don't know whether DC1 was just generally easy whereas DC2 was a lot harder - or just that I don't cope with sleep deprivation very well.

But apparently DC3 is always the easiest. (Fingers crossed.)

I am a different parent now I have two children.

That's the point really, you don't have a trial run first time round and then a chance to learn all the lessons you need to do it perfectly second time around because second time around you are, in fact, a novice at parenting two children simultaneously - which is the really tricky bit.

I think I was better the second time around, I was much more relaxed and knowledeable.

I think it carries on as the DC go through life. My eldest just started uni, and because the whole process was new, it was kinda stressful. When DD2 applies, we will all know what we are doing!

I do think the second child has an easier time-they see their older brother or sister, starting school, brownies etc, going to clubs, starting secondary, taking exams...the second child has seen it all happening before they actually need to do it themselves.

DrNorthener - that really isn't what I said.

In fact, I have one child atm and think I'm a fantastic mum, but when I think about having a second child I just know that I would do things differently..

For example I wouldn't be as terrified and tentative of doing everything at the beginning... Before DD I had never fed a baby / changed a nappy or even really held one. With my second child, if we have one, I wouldn't buy as much random stuff, I wouldn't feel so stressed out about keeping the house tidy for visitors, I would have got a different everything actually!

Also, I spend so long just sitting with DD that now she's quite lost without me and is a really clingy baby, with a second child I would do something as simple as leave the room more!

I was following plans I had read in baby books to try to try and get her into a schedule.

Next time I think I would be much more relaxed about everything.

every child is an individual with its own needs and challenges.
1st child has less experienced parents but they have more time, on balance, as long as the parents are doing their best each time, they end up the same. i have regrets and triumphs with each of mine.
that said, im bringing up no.4 so by now i am just supermum

I got it right first time and didn't need any more to prove the point

I don't know about better but I do know I didn't sweat it so much. And as for the third.... amazing he's survived really.

OP - did you ever have DC2? I have a 3 YO and a 15 month old and I have done things differently for sure, I’d even say better for DC2 but k still learn every day with DC1. What I know for sure is that DC1 is a sensitive soul, a poor sleeper etc where as DC2 has been a very easy baby, good sleeper, confident etc. I think it depends on the baby!