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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not tell possible future employer Im pregnant?

28 replies

fartblossom · 11/02/2011 09:18

Hi,

Looking for some urgent advice here.

I was working in a well known store on a temporary contract up till christmas. They had over 100 temp staff (large store) and didnt keep anyone on.

Yesterday about 3:30 I got a phonecall from a withheld number so didnt answer it, today I realised they have left a message. It was my employer wanting me to ring them back.

Of course it could be nothing, but they could also be offering me a job. Now Im 9 weeks pregnant so if they are offering me a job would IBU not to tell them? Legally I dont have to tell my employer till 25 weeks (I think), but isnt honesty the best policy? Or if I did tell them would they find some other excuse NOT to employ me (even though I know they cant NOT employ me cos of pregnancy).

WWYD

Thanks

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 11/02/2011 09:20

I would take the job and let them know once you have started.

FabbyChic · 11/02/2011 09:20

Morally I think you should tell them. But the choice is yours.

thedentist · 11/02/2011 09:21

Personally, I wouldn't tell them.
Congratulations :)

sayjay · 11/02/2011 09:24

Don't tell them, unless of course you think they're going to let you go anyway . . .Wink

kreecherlivesupstairs · 11/02/2011 09:38

Morally of course you should, practically with the difficulty of finding employment you know the answer.
I did accept a job without knowing I was pregnant, when I started three weeks later I knew I was so I had to tell my boss.

expatinscotland · 11/02/2011 09:40

I'd find out what it is. Your employer might be offering you another gig.

weefriend · 11/02/2011 09:42

I wouldn't shoot yourself in the foot.

Original poster
fartblossom · 11/02/2011 10:09

Well Ive just rang the lady back and she's not in till monday so I guess I have a couple of days to think about it.

I will probably see what she says and then mention it. Surely once she's said something along the lines of "we'd like to offer you a job" she cant retract that.

OP posts:
zeno · 11/02/2011 10:13

Morally schmorally! It's none of their business at this point in time, and honesty has nothing to do with it.

They are not allowed to ask if you're pregnant and you're in no way obliged or expected to tell them. Why on earth would you actively seek to put yourself in the way of discrimination?

expatinscotland · 11/02/2011 10:14

You don't even know if it's a job there or not! It might be another temp gig, in which case take it.

No point counting your chickens before they hatch.

Dancergirl · 11/02/2011 10:14

God, I wouldn't tell them! Times are hard enough as it is.

zikes · 11/02/2011 10:16

I wouldn't say.

Olessaty · 11/02/2011 10:20

I wouldn't tell them until you have to, which I think is at 26 weeks.

KnittedBreast · 11/02/2011 10:25

i would really warn against telling them, you are only putting yourself in a bad position by telling them. you dont legally have to, it could just be a surprise!

BeautifulBlondePineapple · 11/02/2011 10:42

Congratulations!

I've been in this position too and I did not tell the employer. I got the job and told them after my 12 week scan.

I think many people would agree that it's perfectly normal for you not to want it to be public knowledge until then.

GothAnneGeddes · 11/02/2011 10:42

The law is that you don't have to tell them until much later, it was put there for a reason, so make use of it. Smile

IveStillGotIt · 11/02/2011 18:26

Don't tell them, then you can deprive someone of a job that is going to stick around and not piss off on maternity leave!!!
And make work harder for everyone else who works there, when you can't do this, can't do that because your pregnant!!!

I used to work for a small convenience store, and someone tricked their way into a job there, by failing to tell my boss she was pregnant. It was a small shop, my employer couldn't afford extra staff, or pay us over time to cover her hours, so we had all our pre-booked holidays cancelled because of her maternity leave. Then before she went on leave, she would bang on about her 'rights', so the rest of us had to do her work, as well as our own, cause she claimed it was her 'right' not to do any heavy lifting, standing for long periods of time, e.t.c.
And she had the cheek to have longer breaks than the rest of us, and several short breaks that the rest of us didn't get, because pregnant woman have 'rights'.

So by all means don't say anything, but don't expect to be popular amongst the other members of staff, when your 'rights' start kicking in!!!

Tanith · 11/02/2011 18:46

Had your employer arranged maternity cover, IveStillGotIt, then you wouldn't have had to cancel your leave. If your colleague had still been working, they'd have had to pay her wages, so I don't buy the "couldn't afford extra staff to cover her leave" argument.

The fact is you allowed your employer to dodge his or her legal responsibilities.

Are you really saying that employers shouldn't take on pregnant staff? Because your attitude is exactly why most women wouldn't tell their prospective employers they're pregnant and why the legislation to protect them exists.

OADCB · 11/02/2011 18:50

Well said tanith

ongakgak · 11/02/2011 18:52

Biscuit to Ivestillgotit
bonkers Friday night poster anyone??

Original poster
fartblossom · 11/02/2011 19:10

FFS Ivestillgotit Who are you to presume that I will bang on my rights? Who are you to presume I wont be able to do this that or the other? Yes I have worked with pregnant ladies before who have been exactly like that trying to get extra breaks, not pulling their weight etc but I have also worked with other people who are not pregnant, but still have the same sort of attitude.

I have also been pregnant before (this is no3) and really I dont go on about it much as I dont think other people really want to know about it as much as I do. Yes if they ask I will tell, but I wont bang on about it constantly. Ive also NEVER shirked my responsibilities pregnant or not. Ive also worked with plenty of pregnant women who are more like me than the person described in your post.

Also have you actually read my OP where I said I believe honesty is the best policy. I simply started this thread as Im trying to do whats best not just for me, but also my employers (who are BTW a large national organisation so IME are more likely to be considerate to the fact that I am pregnant unlike SOME smaller companies) I AM considering telling them and I havent yet decided.

So please have a Biscuit and stop presuming what I will do when you dont even know me.

OP posts:
eviscerateyourmemory · 11/02/2011 19:15

I wouldnt tell them - you will put them in a difficult position if you tell them - it isnt something that they should be taking into account, so I think it would almost be unreasonable to tell them, IYSWIM.

In any event, at 9 weeks lots of people wouldnt know that they were pregnant, also lots of people wait till 12 weeks before they tell people.

KTisPG · 11/02/2011 19:20

I would (and have) tell them as soon as they offer you the job. It can't be retracted then and you have to look after no 1.

Ivestillgotit its because of people like you that pregnant women have to have "rights" Biscuit

working9while5 · 11/02/2011 19:24

"I used to work for a small convenience store, and someone tricked their way into a job there, by failing to tell my boss she was pregnant"

You're right of course. It is widely known that it is impossible to get a job in a convenience store unless you are emitting a certain type of pheromone that is usually emitted by People Who Have the Right Skills For the Job but similar to one emitted in early pregnancy. As she knew that hers was of the pregnancy variety vs the People Who Are Right for the Job variety, she was fraudulently tricking the employer into believing she had the necessary skills. Cunning.

I might ttc soon. I had forgotten that you could secretly use pregnancy to "trick" people into thinking you could do a particular job. I fancy a change. Thanks for the reminder!

working9while5 · 11/02/2011 19:27

(OP my real response was going to be as evisceratememory's. I think you can't tell them. If you haven't interviewed/been offered a job, it puts them in a quandary if they then wish to terminate your contract for legitimate reasons. AFAIK, they can't retract a job offer because of this disclosure legally so it's a non-issue morally!).