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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wish that I was rich enough to buy the house next door and get DH to move in there?

46 replies

ChangingWoman · 10/02/2011 17:38

With no strong ill will to DH, I have come to the conclusion that life would be much more peaceful and straightforward if he lived somewhere else.

The house next door is up for sale and in my dreams I suddenly become rich tomorrow and buy it. It's near enough for him to see the DCs every day but far enough that we don't have to put up with each other any more.

He could take his giant TV, Playstation, music system and stacks of CDs and games with him and decorate his own living room with empty beercans and junk food wrappers.

There would be no more grumbling, sighing and dramatic grunts of effort as he performs ordinary and undemanding household tasks (well, maybe there would be but I wouldn't have to listen to it).

No more football, rugby, motor racing on TV.

No more sulking, passive aggression and arguing over who pays the bills or who does more housework.

The DCs could pop over to his on weekend mornings and I wouldn't have to get up.

It all sounds rosy.

We don't have the best marriage in the world and have amicably discussed splitting up a few times tbh. Money problems mean that we'd still have to live together for a long time even if we did divorce so we're not rushing anything.

Is it unreasonable to not really care whether we stay married or not but definitely not to want to live together any more?

OP posts:

Stockett · 10/02/2011 23:56

This is my secret wish every time I bother my arse to buy a lottery ticket.

I can't being to imagine how we'd sort the house and kids if we split, so we don't, I really wish we were together for better reasons :(

You're not in Essex are you?

larahusky · 10/02/2011 23:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morloth · 11/02/2011 02:24

I met a woman yesterday who lives with her partner (who is also a woman) and they have just have twin girls via a sperm donor. The woman I was speaking to also has 3 DDs with her ExDH.

Her ExDH and her get on brilliantly and he lives 2 doors down from them and is a fully involved Dad to not only the 'original' 3DDs but also to the 'new' twin DDs (apparently the only reason he isn't the new girl's bio dad is because he had a vasectomy years ago).

They have apparently all been living like this for about 10 years since the woman I was speaking to realised she was gay.

The kicker? The Dad here realised he was gay at around the same time.

Honestly, their lives sound like an episode of Modern Family, was fascinating, all seems to work though, the two girls I met were delightful and apparently their eldest is just doing her HSC and is expecting to study law etc.

I thought it sounded excellent, a man to hand when needed and then he goes away for a bit.

ostracized · 11/02/2011 02:56

I would love this too. My dh is eeyore too plus communication levels have completely gone down the pan and he is obsessed with living a totally clutter free life - this would mean he could do it. Do all relationships come to this then? Partners dreaming of being able to live elsewhere but finances not allowing it? This is certainly where mine has got to.

PukeyMummy · 11/02/2011 08:52

OP, I think we've hit on something!

Now all we need is a million quid to get started with our new business scheme...but then if you had that, you'd have bought the house next door already!

No, sorry, nothing doing here!

Undertone · 11/02/2011 09:00

Dragon's Den for funding?

Original poster

ChangingWoman · 11/02/2011 11:49

Boris and Morloth: these set ups sound far more appealing than the traditional man+women+kids+familyhome...

Ostracized: I have the feeling that this is what it comes to for many, many of us. Some relationships may go out with a bang when someone has a major affair, is violent etc.. but far more go out with a whimper when one partner just wishes that the other would go and live in the shed / summerhouse / loft / next door.

I may buy the first lottery ticket of my life today - wish me luck!

OP posts:

KnittedBreast · 11/02/2011 11:56

i feel like this sometimes too!

halfcaff · 11/02/2011 12:11

Certainly been thinking along these lines for a long time now...why does he bother coming home? So he can moan about the commute? Actually much further away than next door would be good, as he has never been much good at looking after the dc anyway. Oh, still do actually love him, though - just think we would all be happier (on balance) if he didn't bother coming back much.

KittaKatta · 11/02/2011 12:16

love OH, really really do, but it would be my first buy if I ever won serious money

togarama · 11/02/2011 17:28

Is there room in this house for one more husband / partner? Or are they all now taken?

Habbibu · 11/02/2011 17:30

I know a divorced couple who have just that situation - houses next door, garden open at the top so the kids run back and forth, they host shared parties - works really well for them.

RMCW · 11/02/2011 17:34

My dh's shed is more luxourious than our actual house....it has got berber carpet in it FGS! whilst I carpet our other rooms with roll ends

Keeps him out of the way though.

Loft rooms are good too, albeit he gets a bit noisy up there

Changing2011 · 11/02/2011 17:39

DP has already taken over one of our two sitting/reception rooms with his gym, stereo, bmx project and other shite possessions, but I feel he is not taking ownership of the space enough so a bed will shortly be installed in this room in my dreams.

guyane · 11/02/2011 17:55

Sorry I've only skimmed the posts but love it... have tried to suggest it (well, bigger house to let us cohabit and coparent...) but too late to save our relationship. Here's hoping greater distance and time will sort us out (he's moving to Scotland from SE... eek).

lovemysleep · 11/02/2011 17:59

Have always said that I would love to have the house next door for DH to live in! Think living with men is really rather frustrating at times...

Our relationship vastly improved when DH started working away - he is away about 3-4 nights a week and that gives us enough space to appreciate each other, and to not get irritated by our idiosyncrasies.

Also, don't have to put up with the untidyness and general uselessness for that long!

sausagerolemodel · 11/02/2011 20:29

Got the domain name already?it would have to be

hubbiehouses.com

TitsalinaBumSquash · 11/02/2011 20:32

CW - Ex and I seperated 3 weeks ago, tbh if he would be happy living somewhere else with seperate everything I would take him back like a shot. I love the guy but cannot stand living with him. Plus after 3 weeks of blissfull uninterupted sleep I could never share a bed with him again he breathes so loudly!

PukeyMummy · 13/02/2011 13:37

hubbiehouses...love it sausage.

I'm thinking we should have options for short- and long-term lets.

Some people might just want the the odd week here and there when their OH annoys them a little bit.

wheredidyoulastseeit · 13/02/2011 13:46

Can I book mine in for a fortnight, I'm off to pack his bags now

Original poster

ChangingWoman · 13/02/2011 19:21

I can see that there is a growing market for Hubbiehouses.

Sadly, I didn't win the lottery this weekend.

Do you think we could get Helena Bonham-Carter and other rich independently-living women to sponsor our first HubbieHouse?

Or perhaps we could raise funding by installing cameras and selling the concept as a new reality TV series where you can watch men fix motorbike engines in the living room at 3am etc.. (No, it doesn't appeal to me either but I suspect DH would watch it at 3am on a Friday night after beer and kebabs.)

OP posts:

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