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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my dp not fall asleep when looking after the dcs?

16 replies

kaylasmum · 10/02/2011 15:49

i work late on a wednesday and thursday evenings, my dp looks after the dcs. My 7yo dd has told me that he often falls asleep while i'm at work. He regularly falls asleep right after tea, i either ask him to wake up to help with the kids or let him half an hour. i think he should be making sure he stays awake and engages with the kids while i'm working. Admittedly he does do a manual job and works outside all day. So aibu or is he?

OP posts:
controlpantsandgladrags · 10/02/2011 15:53

I think it depends how long your 7yo is being left unsupervised whilst he has his 40 winks. Do you have other DC too?

WimpleOfTheBallet · 10/02/2011 16:00

It depends....I often fall asleep in the daytime...I work in the evenings and then just zionk out occasionally. IF he's snoring in bed then YANBU but if he's having a bit of a kip on the sofa with one ear open then YABU.

how old is your other child?

princessparty · 10/02/2011 16:03

YABU if the youngest is 7

Secretwishescometrue · 10/02/2011 16:04

Do you think he'd wake up in an instant if they called his name/needed him? If so and he has made sure they have had their tea, are happy watching a dvd/colouring or playing and they are in the sitting room with him, then i dont see the harm? Im sure you use the toilet/go into a different room when your in charge no? I think if he has made sure to have done everything and all dc's are happy and safe and he's totally nackered from a hard days work if he falls asleep on the couch for a couple of min not like heads off to bed and leaves them to it, then no he's not being unreasonable...

Lulumaam · 10/02/2011 16:06

I do have a doze sometimes when in sole charge of the children which is 90 % of the time ! Not deep sleep, if one of them shouted me, i'd wake up.. more of resting with eyes closed. if i am that tired, i make sure dd (5.5) gets in bed or lies on sofa with me. DS is 11 so he can pootle round.

different if the sleep is induced by drink or drugs

Original poster
kaylasmum · 10/02/2011 16:18

hi, thanks for your replies. The youngest dc is 4. My dd gets a bit upset cos she wants to play with her daddy. He is quitr difficult to wake up, but will wake up eventually. Just wanted to put this in perspective, ta.

OP posts:
activate · 10/02/2011 16:22

YES yabu

your kids are old enough to play and he can sleep

Olessaty · 10/02/2011 16:22

I don't think it's a particularly good time for anyone to fall asleep, in the evening just before bedtime, surely it plays havoc with his sleep cycle? If I need a nap, I try to have it early or not at all, and go to bed early just after the kids go to bed at 7pm if I am completely exhausted. I don't think he's being really unreasonable, but I do think it's a bad habit to get into, especially if it does upset the children.

valiumredhead · 10/02/2011 16:24

YABU inspecting the inside of your eyelids while kids play is a vital part of parenting skills!

Bunbaker · 10/02/2011 16:27

I would be asking why he is so tired that he falls asleep right after tea. Does he get up really early? Perhaps there is an underlying health issue.

FabbyChic · 10/02/2011 16:30

He does a manual job and obviously is working hard during the day, it is not unusual for someone who does that kind of work to fall asleep straight after dinner.

So long as the children are okay what's the worry? Surely he is entitled to a nap?

valiumredhead · 10/02/2011 16:30

He does a manual job and is out all day and he has a doze on the sofa - can't see there is problem. Do you never have a sneaky 40 winks/ I know I do and that's without doing a manual job.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 10/02/2011 16:35

I think that if he is so deeply asleep that he wouldn't wake if the children were in danger, then he should not sleep.

Otherwise, I think a quick kip on the sofa is no big deal.

If the children are trying to wake him up because they need him / want him and he can't or won't wake up, then that's mean.

If he works in a tiring manual job and is knackered when he gets home to the point of being unable to look after the kids, then that's maybe something to talk about.

my dad used to work at a pit and was so bloody knackered after work that he fell asleep.

Original poster
kaylasmum · 10/02/2011 16:37

i very rarely fall asleep on the couch, only if i'm unwell really. I totally appreciate that he has a tiring job but i forgot to mention that he never goes to bed before midnight so that will have some bearing on how tired he is in the evening.

OP posts:
2muchtodo2littletime · 10/02/2011 16:55

kaylasmum
YANBU!
My DH nearly always falls asleep when looking after the DCs if I go out. Well he is "babysitting" as he calls it - NO you are looking after your own kids!
It is nice for them to interact!

MrsMooo · 10/02/2011 17:12

If he is so tired that he can't look after the kids, you need to discuss alertnative childcare and are therefore not being unreasonable

If it's just "resting his eyes" on the sofa then YABU

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