to want my dh to cool off his moral crusade?

[Spidermama]

I'll try to be brief:

During ds's under-11s Sunday league football match in the park parents and coaches from the opposing team were violent and abusive to 'our' coaches and to the young teenage ref'. They rushed onto the pitch to shout abuse at him. They also fronted up chest to chest 'our' coaches shouting stuff.

Horrible, obviously.

DH told them off. It was all very heated. He kept on at them telling them it was unacceptable to behave like this. They threatened him (one of the wives was pulling his sleeve and shouting at him). Dh was never violent (he's just not violent) but was determined to stand his ground and try to sort out the situation using reason.

Now he wants to complain to the FA about the other team. 'Our' coaches won't complain and don't want him to because they want an easy life.

DH can't NOT complain, which I understand and support.

He's angry they've asked him not to and wants to change their minds.

This is really preoccupying him. It keeps him awake at nights. I think he should just make an independent complaint to the FA and leave it at that. He's insistent on trying to take 'our' coaches to task for not doing the right thing.

What are your thoughts?

Off to the dentist. Back soon.

As a referee, I agree with your husband. Kids/Sunday league football matches can get very unpleasant and often parents and non-playing club members are the worst. Your DH will be doing everyone a favour by taking folk to task on it. setting a good example to the kids and making it clear that he won't tolerate the behaviour again.

It was also be a very good thing to supprt the teenaged ref of the game as god knows refs are hard to recruit and harder still to keep. By the same token, the ref's report will exonerate your husband as the ref has no reason to report in favour of the offending parties and make accusations about your poor husband so he has nothing to fear on that score.

I think I'd get my DC to join a different team. Sounds awful.

He should report it. Most of our teams follow the RESPECT program and each coach puts in a report at the end of a match scoring the ref and any problems.

We had a team in our league last year who are so bad that refs refuse to ref their matches and the only way to play the games is for the coaches to do a half each.

If your coaches are unwilling to report it then i would be looking for a new team.

oh i have just noticed your in brighton so you will play the same league as us. Sussex sunday youth and they are definately part of the RESPECT program.

Our coach often reports bad behaviour from other teams. On one occasion the other team had a fine and had to agree to send their person on some sort of course. (Combination of their ref keeping the game going until their side equalised and also piss poor behaviour from parents on the touchline.)

It's worth doing. Especially in support of the ref.

however I would also move teams. What on earth are your lot afraid of?

They've had problems in the past in the Sussex Sunday Youth Team and certainly they are now very supportive of the RESPECT program. This wasn't a team in Lewes, by any chance, was it?
innocently wonders

No, not in Lewes Gloria.

Sunny Hi. I did wonder about the Argus. It may yet come to that.

'...your husband's mistake was to take on another set of parents himself. He should have let the coaches deal with it ...'

• That's just it maryz the coaches did nothing. They kind of looked away and tried to stay as far away as possible.

ccpccp the ref was an 18 year old boy. It was his first match. He shouldn't be left alone to deal with a maniac running on the pitch during a match harrassing and verbally abusing him.

DH really was calm, measured and sensible. He didn't get in a flat or feed the heated energy. I know this because DS and his friends have told me as has dh. In fact one of ds's team mates marched up to him the other day and said, 'Hey! That's not fair' They're not letting your dad complain' - having overhead the coaches talking to dh.

I am more proud of dh and more digusted with the ineffectual and irresponsbile coaches than ever.

I think your dh should report the incident and then look for another team for your ds to play in.

Incidents like the one you describe should not be tolerated, it sets a terrible example all round.

Yes I'm going to ask the other parents who were there. There were only two others as it was raining.

I have also been in contact with another team and they've invited him to come to training.

DH is going to the match tomorrow and he's going to make clear to the coaches that he will be contacting the FA whether or not they are supporting him.

Thanks for all your good advice and sensible words on MN. I'm glad you have so much more moral fibre than these wet bloody coaches.