Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

. . . or is DH being a twat in relation to food hygiene?

64 replies

Honeybee79 · 10/02/2011 09:04

Could well be me, but see what you think.

I have been ill so went to bed early last night, leaving DH to make up 6 bottles for DS (4 months) for today. He forgot to put them in the fridge over night and they sat out in the kitchen for 13 hours.

I got up with DS this morning. DH was also getting up for work. I grabbed a bottle (DH had put them in the fridge when he realised his mistake this morning!) and started warming it.

DH told me he'd left them out all night, shrugged and told me to give one to DS anyway on the basis that our kitchen is "quite cold". It's not really, it's about 20 degrees and DH is aware of the guidelines for storing formula. DS was crying as hadn't had a feed for 12 hours.

I got pissed off at this point - not that DH had forgotten in the first place, but that he seemed so casual about giving DS milk that had been sat out for 13 hours when he must know it's unsafe. I started tipping out the bottles, sterilising, boiling the kettle again etc. TBH I was a bit pissed off that he had forgotten as now DS would be upset for half an hour or so while I sorted out a bottle for him.

DH then lost his temper with me and told me that he was going to work, I was being ridiculous and my reaction was totally disproportionate. I did get quite upset because I felt he'd got my day off to a shite start and had been a twat.

So, AIBU?

OP posts:
Lainey1981 · 10/02/2011 09:28

Be at

MrsTumbles · 10/02/2011 09:30

I second BertieBasset on having some cartons in, they saved me from a screaming DD many times!

Like Grumpla I always had the water ready in the bottles and just topped up with boiling water and formula when required. But I was never 100% sure of the rules with made up bottles so always kept the formula seperate until just before feeding DD.

Original poster
Honeybee79 · 10/02/2011 09:32

TBH, maybe I should have just popped DS in sling and dashed across the road to tesco for a carton and then dealt with the rest later. Had PJs on though.

OP posts:
Firawla · 10/02/2011 09:37

yanbu that milk would have been gross after all that time sat on the side, definitely would have gone off. formula goes off much quicker than normal milk, but personally i wouldnt even just make and keep in fridge for all that time either its not that hard to make them fresh

isthismadness · 10/02/2011 09:39

Ummm yes think dh is bu

But you really can't make up bottles in advance. There are plenty of threads on here about it.

CockularDepravity · 10/02/2011 09:39

Your husband reacted to you being a twat by being a twat himself. It's like twat symetry.

starfishmummy · 10/02/2011 09:40

My DH is also somewhat relaxed about leaving stuff out! However we no longer have a four month baby!

I think I would have chucked the feed away too.

A carton or two of ready mixed in the cupobpoard is very handy at times like that!

ImFab · 10/02/2011 09:41

Lainey I did what I said with no problems at all or concern from hcp.

PinkElephant73 · 10/02/2011 10:55

YANBU at all.

your DH is a plonker for thinking you can be casual about storing formula.

yo have my sympathy as my DH would never bother to actually listen/read to the health advice on something like this and would then accuse me of being a control freak. yes actually sometimes my way of doing things IS better than yours when you are putting a child's health at risk, its not just "different".

Bogeyface · 10/02/2011 11:07

Classic case of "I am in the wrong so I am going to shout at you about it"

DH does this and he doesnt realise that it makes a slightly annoying situation worse. You were a bit pissed off at having to wash,resterilise etc before DC could have a feed which is fair enough. And when he saw you doing that and heard your DC yelling from hunger, he realised he had fucked up so went into attack mode as attack is the best form of defence.

In itself leaving the bottles out isnt a huge big deal, we all make mistakes (see my post from yesterday about me sending the kids to school with no lunch!) but his OTT reaction to you was definetely U.

fireblademum · 10/02/2011 11:20

Yeah bogey face my Dh does this. Gets angry and defensive turning a small oversight I'd have forgotten in 10 mins into something I'm still angry about days later. Don't know how to tackle it tho. And deffo agree with everyone else. Cartons and a mini microwave sterilizer save the day and for minimal outlay.

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 10/02/2011 11:22

Your DH was BU but it sounds like he was feeling guilty and was trying to make himself feel better by having a go at you.

When my two were little I always made up several bottles, to cover the next 24 hours, and stored them in the fridge. I do believe guidelines have now changed to make a bottle as you need it.

scotsgirl23 · 10/02/2011 11:32

OP please don't use cooled water to make your feeds up - that doesn't count as fresh, the formula powder isn't sterile and if you don't mix it with water over 70 degrees, it won't be. It's a relatively recent discovery that it contains bacteria which is why the advice changed.

I'd second keeping a few cartons in case of emergencies

And no YANBU at all, 13 hours at room temp is too long.

memphis83 · 10/02/2011 11:40

milk shouldnt be made up for more than 2 hours regardless of if its chilled or not according to my hv and surgery, water can be stored for 24 hours in the bottle then you add the formula when needed, it apparently starts to turn after 2 hours deeming it unsafe, you warm water as you need it then add formula

scotsgirl23 · 10/02/2011 11:43

Memphis, revised guidelines here www.food.gov.uk/multimedia/pdfs/formulaguidance.pdf

Basically the preference is to make each fresh if you can, but if not what the OP is doing is acceptable too. Your HV is totally out of date - it's more dangerous to not make it with boiling water than to keep it in the fridge once it's cooled.

memphis83 · 10/02/2011 11:53

scotsgirl my baby is only 6 months , just text my aunt who lives 200 miles away and her baby is 2 weeks old she got told the same too to not add formula til she feeds baby but to make the water up and store it in the fridge, crazy hoe different areas follow different guidelines

slartybartfast · 10/02/2011 11:56

throw the bottles away.

it was a mistake.

weefriend · 10/02/2011 11:56

The WHO guidelines for preparing formula. Show your DH.

You were right you shouldn't use it when it's been left out like that but it does sound like you were both tired stressed and grumpy. Um, much like any new parents then Grin. Don't be too hard on him.

scotsgirl23 · 10/02/2011 12:00

I know - in the last two weeks I've had this discussion with a nurse and a nursery, lol! I think it's because people interpret fresh as "water meets formula right before serving" which it doesn't. Amongst other lovelies, formula has been found to contain salmonella which the cool water doesn't kill.

The WHO guidelines say the same in the section about care settings

www.who.int/foodsafety/publications/micro/pif_guidelines.pdf

It's frustrating how much bad info is given out.

scotsgirl23 · 10/02/2011 12:00

x post wee friend

Original poster
Honeybee79 · 10/02/2011 13:27

Thanks everyone.

Bogey - I totally agree with your analysis of how events unfolded.

Am not looking to DH coming home from work as can't face going over it with him again!

OP posts:
LeQueen · 10/02/2011 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Honeybee79 · 10/02/2011 13:51

Yes LeQueen, he's my first baby. And possibly last!

OP posts:
zukiecat · 10/02/2011 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fedupwithdeployment · 10/02/2011 14:38

Why not show DH this thread?